the Sun is dangerous

In the news today, I read that the sun kills 60,000 people a year.  That’s more than the fighting in Iraq!  Something must be done!  Why aren’t people concerned about this?

Now there is something you can do.  Someone has started up a petition : Blow Up the Sun Petition.  (Really, I know nothing about this site whatsoever.  It doesn’t seem to do anything, even if you submit your name.)

Now, while blowing up the sun may save a few lives, it could have a potentially destructive effect on the rest of us… so we should consider this carefully before blowing up the sun…

pickles are evil

Pickles are of the devil.  We should burn the world’s pickle supply.  Although that may create a horrendous smell.  Perhaps a better plan would be to shoot them into the sun.  Yeah, that would be about the only cool use of pickles — watching them explode.  🙂

what you’re looking for

Here at Buffet o’ Blog, we want to serve the community, to bless people by making them laugh.  But we also want to help people along the way, perhaps by dispensing nuggets of wisdom or expertise.  And we know just about everything there is to know, so we are more than qualified to help people.  (And what we don’t know, we don’t know about, so maybe we really do know everything.  Who knows?)  Since we have this wealth of knowledge, we have decided to share some insight based on what you, the reader, want to know.  Since we don’t have a mailbag yet, we will choose some of the recent search terms that people used to find the site and we’ll offer friendly advice and suggestions based on them.  Let’s get started…

  • I want to buy some potato salad — I would not recommend buying this online.  Surely you have relatives who make this.  And, really, I’m not sure we’re even supposed to eat such things.  I’ll defer this to our resident nutriticologist, who is an expert in such matters.  (See the comments section for his response.)
  • dookie brown — I have no idea what you intended to find with that query.  However, we do sell dookie-brown sweaters, and we have numerous informative posts about toilets, diarrhea, constipation, hypnosis to soothe irritable bowels, etc.  I hope you find what you were looking for.
  • air conditioning side effects — The important thing is that the A/C keeps the room cool, because it is crazy-mad hot outside.  We do have a post about putting laughing gas in the A/C intake vent, which would be a neat side-effect.
  • In promulgating your esoteric cogitation — So you want a group of people to share their inside jokes and thoughts, huh?  Well, we do that.  Peruse the site for a few days and you’ll find numerous such things, where we share homemade quotes and inside jokes.  We feature a world-renown buffet of randomness, free for your consuming pleasure.
  • shrink ray gun — Ah, now we’re getting to something good!  This is a highly-coveted item, I must say.  There are so many potential uses for such things.  Not only are they good for self-defense, but they are also a blast at parties!  At this time, we do not sell these, unfortunately.  There’s some legal nonsense about that.  But there’s nothing to stop our local R&D department from developing these cool toys.  And so they are hard at work developing several versions of them.  We’ll have a pocket-size version, to carry with you on the go, and we’ll also have a high-powered version to mount on the back of your vehicle.  (Rumor has it that the top-secret version 2.0 model will also transform into a robot that can be programmed or controlled via remote control.)  We also have a mad scientist who visits the site, Mr. Destructo.  He’s finishing his doctorate at the Mad Scientist Academy, so he’s very busy, but he could probably help you if you have any questions.

That’s all we have time for today.  There’s a lot more in the search term mailbag, which we’ll get to at a later time.  I hope we have helped you find what you were looking for.  The Internet is a big place, with over 8 billion webpages, so searching for answers can be overwhelming.  We will continue to provide this valuable service for free, to help the community.  So stay tuned…

cooler than cool

Y’know how when something is neat or interesting we may call it “cool”?  We may also call it awesome.  But what do you call something that is cooler than cool?  I suppose you could say uber-cool.  (“uber” is German for “super”, and it just sounds neat.)  But are there any words that are even better for this purpose?

Why am I wondering this, you may ask…  Well, this morning I was reminded of my own coolness, and I realized I feel cooler than cool.  I mean, I know what “cool” is, and I’m even cooler than that.  So, for the sake of journalistic integrity or some such, I decided I should try to find a more accurate representation of myself.

So, does anyone have any suggestions?

~ Thomas Wayne