Elvis’ teddy bear… all shook up

There’s a tourist attraction in England called Wookey Hole Caves that had a display of 1,000 teddy bears, including one named Mabel which used to be owned by Elvis Presley.  This one particular bear was worth $75,000.  There were other valuable ones, too.  In fact, the collection was so valuable that the insurance company insisted that guard dogs be used to watch it at night, along with a security guard.  So they brought in Barney the guard dog.  (Do you see where this is headed?)  So guess what the dog did… It mauled dozens of teddy bears, including Mabel.  And the insurance company really can’t say much, because it was their idea.

At the news article, you can see a picture of Barney and his handler (who doesn’t look very happy), surrounded by stuffing from teddy bears.

a review of a Yanni CD

Someone online decided to listen to a Yanni CD, to write a review.  (Note: we don’t recommend doing this.  Well, unless you have trouble sleeping, and then it might help you out.)  Anyway, this is a very unusual review :

My life is officially over.  Not only have I now actually listened to a Yanni record, but I actually didn’t absolutely hate it.  It’s kind of like when you’re wiping your [butt], and your hand accidentally slips into the nether world of poopyness, then by some unknown force, you feel compelled to smell your hand.  And even though you know it’s supposed to smell like [poop], and it does smell like [poop], there’s still a somewhat pleasing quality to it.  This record, in all measures, is an absolute piece of crap. … But despite this, I still couldn’t help but smell the poopyness, and find it a little bit appealing. ~ Daniel Taylor, review of “If I Could Tell You” by Yanni, 03/2000

I reckon what he’s saying is : if you like smelling your own poop, you’ll like this CD.  🙂

What the world needs… is the ‘Body-engine 2000’

What is the ‘body-engine 2000’ It is a state-of-the-art cutting-edge yet-to-be-invented technology that is simply put… an engine that runs off bodyfat… I think somebody should invent that… After all our body is really an engine of sorts… right? that being said, what’s stopping someone from building an engine that can run off of body fat. What practical use would something like that have you may ask? Have you NOT been listening?!?! … It would BURN body fat… Just think of it as a weight loss marvel… an alternative to ACTUAL exercise… the ‘Body-Engine-2000’ would assist us in burning off that ‘excess’ fat that most of us carry around. I don’t know about you… but I LIKE to eat… but I’m NOT too keen on doing the exercise needed to counteract the copious amounts of food I eat to maintain a healthy weight. … some kind of body-harness or weight-loss belt derived from the ‘Body-Engine 2000’ would be perfect… you could put in on before bed… tell it how many calories you’d like to burn… and by morning presto chango… I’ve lost 5 pounds. Have you ever read the calorie content in just one ‘hostess cherry pie’? (side thought… Mmmmm… Hostess Cherry Pie…) If I recall correctly we’re talking approximately 490 calories of sugary fatty goodness as well as 200 calories from fat… to put that in perspective… if I went for a walk at a pace of 2.5 mph, for 1 hour… I’d only burn 314 calories… (click here to figure calories burned by various methods such as walking, jogging, cycling) Now I’d like to state that I could EASILY eat 2 or 3 of those tasty ‘hostess pies’ in a setting… but that just isn’t realistic to do and attempt to maintain my weight-loss goals. But with the ‘body-engine 2000’ you merely dial in the number of calories to be vanquished… & BAM! you’re back on track with your weight (this would also work well in those ‘all-you-can-eat’ buffet situations as well… This could revolutionize our world… no more over-weight people… no more weight-related health problems… no more health-food that tastes like cardboard… Am I on to something here?

it’s crazy-mad hot

I’m about fed up with all this heat and humidity here!  It is crazy-mad hot!  But what can you do about it?  Well, I’m not gonna sit by and do nothing…  I’m gonna make a statement — I’m gonna boycott mowing my yard.