how to create your own black hole

Here’s something that’s kinda out there…  A science experiment that will start next year will be to create “mini Big Bangs”.  They are going to use a 27-kilometer long circular particle accelerator to try to recreate the Big Bang on a smaller scale.  Scientists hope the machine will create tiny black holes, and they hope to find particles that offer evidence that there are more than three dimensions.

As you may know, black holes are dangerous things… if one were to enter our galaxy, it would either destroy everything or send us out into space.  But Brian Cox of Manchester University says their experiment isn’t too dangerous, that the probability of it destroying the earth is “at the level of 10 to the minus 40.”  I discussed this with a colleague, and we agreed that anytime you have to calculate the probability of an experiment destroying the earth, it’s probably wise to cancel the whole thing.  But perhaps the potential destruction is much smaller.  Maybe that’s why they put this machine on the border of France, so if any country might be destroyed if this experiment goes crazy, it might as well be France.   🙂

The scientists expect these tiny new black holes to dissolve, but what if they grow?  This is normal for black holes.  They consume everything in their path (kinda like Unicron), except that they cannot be stopped.  A black hole can grow to millions or billions of times the mass of our Sun.  If this were to happen here, it would in all scenarios be quite a bad thing.  Although we still have one secret weapon which has not yet been tested by a black hole : the combined forces of Chuck Norris and Mr. T.  If they couldn’t stop it, then all hope would be lost.  (I think they could pull it off, though… I have no idea how, but I don’t know how anything could stop those two together.)

The reason they want to find more than three dimensions is, as Cox surmised, “It could be that there is a whole new universe a millimeter away from our heads but at right-angles to the three dimensions that are here.”  Just what our scientists need — another universe to explore.  How much of ours have we explored?  Astronomers have estimated the universe is at least 156 billion light-years wide.  We’ve been to our moon.  We’re spending billions of our tax dollars on space exploration yet have hardly been anywhere.  We simply can’t afford another universe…

Something else the article fails to mention — if we were to find another universe, we may regret it, like if they come kick our butts.  They may not be friendly, and we can’t afford another war.  Plus, we can’t even get along with ourselves on this planet!

Another angle of this is that this whole thing is extremely nerdy.  Some people make fun of Star Trek fans, but here you have people who really believe that kind of stuff and are spending millions of our tax dollars to try to prove it.  (Oops, that last part may not be so funny!)

Here’s the full article : Giant machine set to probe secrets of the universe.

In a different article about black holes, I read this, which surprised me :

With their X-ray vision, and other techniques, researchers are monitoring the chaotic environments around these black holes trying to solve some longstanding mysteries.

They have X-ray vision?!?  I thought only Superman had that…  Was this an accidental slip that reveals that mutants really do dwell among us?  Hmm…

I debated whether I should publish this stuff here, since there are a couple of evil mad scientists who sometimes visit this blog.  They may not need to know about being able to create their own black holes or getting X-ray vision.  But they’re probably aware of such technology anyway.  Besides, it was published in the news for everyone to see anyway…

Thomas Wayne deals with insomnia

Thomas Wayne long suffered from insomnia. It was a rare night that he slept more than an hour. He had consulted numerous physicians in the United States and Finally went to Mexico seeking help.  Even the strongest sedatives could not give him a restful night of sleep.

One day, while in Mexico Thomas Wayne met and fell in love with a beautiful senorita named Esta Gonzales.  Now when he wants to sleep he just looks at her picture.

Thomas Wayne has known from his childhood that when you see Esta,

you sleep.

a great movie idea

How many places can you hear two evil mad scientists arguing with each other about how to destroy the world?  Usually there’s just one criminal super-mastermind, but here we have two.  I think this should be made into a movie!  Think about the possibilities…  Of course you’d have the obligatory good guy trying to save the world, but in a clever twist of plot, you’d have two evil geniuses trying to destroy both the world and each other!  I think it’s time for a movie produced by Buffet o’ Blog.

You can read their first verbal assault toward each other here.  Initially they are defusing a PETP representative, then they go after each other.

another issue of viewer mail

It’s time for another long-awaited installment of viewer mail! It’s been a while since the last one, although there’s been no shortage of searches finding this site.  And since we still don’t have a form setup for you to directly ask us questions (which reminds me, what is our webmaster up to these days… perhaps he’s a slacker), we’ll use actual search terms that brought people to this site.  From this we’ll try to provide more information on the topics that interest you most.  And if we come across any wise words of wisdom, we’ll include those, too.  Let us begin.

  • exercise is bad for you — This goes against “convention wisdom”, but we’re not one to always follow the majority.  Besides, this could be a huge conspiracy.  So we did some research.  And it appears that you are onto something.  Studies show that the people who play sports and exercise on a regular basis are much more likely to get injured than those who sit on the couch or sit at their computer all day.  We posted a study on this a while back; go to Exercise Is Bad For You, New Study Shows.
  • “quotes”, “the key to” — This is ambiguous, but via interpolation I’ll suppose you mean “the key to making quotes”.  And although anything said could be a quote, that would be boring, so I’ll suppose you mean a good quote.  Well, now that I’ve deciphered what you were really looking for, I’ll provide you with valuable insight.  You should say cool things.  (Sounds really simple, doesn’t it?  Well, it’s easier said than done.  Uhh, well, maybe that doesn’t apply here.)  These sayings can be funny, insightful, random, etc.  If you have trouble with this, you should try to take in more high-quality sayings.  For starters, keep reading this site — there’s lots of high-quality randomness here.  You should also spend time with people who are cooler than you are.  (And if you never say or think cool stuff, they shouldn’t be too hard to find.)
  • teddy bear lasagne lasagna — I hope I can give you some advice on this before it’s too late… DO NOT TRY THIS!  You are not supposed to eat teddy bears!  They are not made of meat.  And the “stuffing” in them is not edible, either.  If you have teddy bears and want to eat them, give them to children in need.  And most definitely do not steal other people’s teddy bears — that would be wrong on so many levels.  If you were really going to make teddy bear lasagna, you should give up cooking altogether.  Go to restaurants instead.  They will prepare real food for you in exchange for money.  (I sure hope this was just an isolated patch of stupidity…)
  • anal seepage side effect — Oh my goodness!  What is going on here?!?  (And how did that find this site?)  First of all, the side effect is that you crap your underwear.  Second of all, any leakage / seepage out of your butt is a bad thing!  If this is happening you need to see a doctor!  The only thing that should ever leak out of your butt is gas, but hopefully you can control that.  If anything physical comes out without your consent, there’s some serious problems.
  • make a crazy golf course — Now this is a much more pleasant subject.  I am pleased to tell you that we have this covered.  We have an ongoing discussion about making golf less boring.  There’s been several good ideas on making a better golf course.  And if you have some more suggestions, feel free to leave them in the comments section.

That’s all for today.  I hope you enjoyed today’s issue of viewer mail.  If this has helped you, please let us know, using the comments section.  Although, if you were going to eat teddy bears, you might not want anyone to know.  And if you have anal seepage, you definitely don’t want people to know.  So perhaps I won’t expect too many comments this time…