warnings for hot dogs?

There’s a vegan advocacy group that is suing 5 of the major hot dog manufacturers, wanting a cancer-risk warning label to be placed on all hot dog packages sold in New Jersey.  (Only New Jersey?)  The lawsuit is on behalf of 3 New Jersey residents who bought hot dogs without knowing that they are (supposedly) a cause of colorectal cancer.  Well, the reason there’s no such warning is that such a claim has never been proven scientifically.  (And that seems like a valid reason.)

The president of the Cancer Project (who filed this lawsuit) compares the health risk of eating hot dogs to the lung cancer risk of smoking cigarettes.   I’m thinking WHATEVER.  Only when science backs that up will I believe such a claim.

If they start putting these warning labels on hot dogs, then we might as well throw the whole bathtub out with the bathwater.  How about this?   I think certain restaurants need a warning label for potential flatulence.   If a particular restaurant tends to give you gas (for example, Taco Bell), that could put your social status at risk.  Suppose you’re about to go in for a major job interview, but you’ve got a rumbly in your tumbly because of eating a few double cheesy beefy burritos.  It happens!  (Sadly, in today’s over-the-top “politically correct” society, I could see such a thing passing…)

a new way to chart weight gain & loss

We recently had another Buffet o’ Blog staff meeting at Larry’s Pizza (which seems to be one of our primary meeting places, for good reason).  One member of the R&D (Research & Development) department came up with a new niche product.  Not everyone will want this new invention, but we could see a few places buying one.

The idea is a toilet that has a scale built into the seat.  It’s not for taking your overall weight, but for telling you how many pounds you lost.  There would be a digital screen that would display this info.  It would also have a top 10 list of high scores.  This would be great for fraternity houses and certain all-you-can-eat restaurants.  (FYI, this idea came after we were all through eating, though I’m not sure if we could even be grossed out in that situation — we were quite focused on consuming large quantities of pizza.)

Another related idea would be to have scales in the chairs at all-you-can-eat restaurants, so it tracks just how many pounds of food you just ate.  I think that would prove popular, too, at certain locales.

caption contest, guy on moped with ducks

How would you like a new caption contest?  Hopefully that sounds good to you, because that’s what you’re gonna get!   🙂

This week’s photo is of a guy riding a moped, with his face covered, and there are cages with dozens of ducks on the back of the bike.  I have no idea what’s going on here, so if you could come up with some explanation, that would be great.  And of course, make it funny.  (That’s what this blog is about, if you’re new here.)

guy on bicycle with ducks

(To see the other caption contests, click on the “Say What?” category in the sidebar.)

viewer mail, issue #16

It’s long past time for another issue of viewer mail.  As usual, I take some of the actual search terms that led people to this blog, and I provide the information they were looking for.  Well, there’s no guarantee it’s the actual info they wanted, but hopefully it’ll be funny.  🙂  I may not know everything (just 98%, give or take 3%), but I know humor.  But enough about my extensive reserves of knowledge!  Let’s get to the search terms.

* “laughing is important” — I completely agree!  And science agrees also.  Some studies suggest that laughing heartily every day can add 7 years to your life.  So obviously laughing is important!  That’s why I write on this blog — to help people laugh, which promotes good physical and mental health.  So subscribe to the blog, for your health’s sake!   🙂  And tell your friends about it!

Barack Obama tossing a football in his office* will people realize obama is a joke — I’ve wondered this myself, thinking perhaps all of President Barack Obama’s strange doings were part of some huge April Fools joke.  But that day has come and gone, and there was no announcement.  I’m afraid this is reality, that Obama will be the U.S. President through 2012.   He’s who the people wanted.   (I won’t say he won fair and square, because of ACORN type groups, but McCain sure helped him out with a poorly planned campaign.)  Let’s just hope Obama doesn’t make too many changes to America.  People want some change, such as removing corruption and increasing transparency and fixing the economy, and so far Obama has not given us that type of change (despite his campaign promises).

* arguing teddy bears — Normally teddy bears are passive, peaceful creatures, choosing to bring comfort to little children everywhere, so if yours are arguing, then there’s some problems.   Usually all you have to do to keep them happy is hug them.  If all else fails, you could let them fight it out.   I realize that sounds violent, but teddy bears don’t have claws, and they are plushy, so no harm will come to them.  Perhaps letting them release their aggression is the solution you are looking for.  Then again, arguing and fighting is no in their nature, so perhaps you are exposing them to too much of that stuff… maybe you should look in the mirror for your solution… 😮

obese-man* all you can eat belly — Well, if it isn’t obvious, here’s a picture.  But know that this is only after repeated use.  Enjoying all-you-can-eat buffets no more than once per week should be okay, but going there every day or two will lead to being fat.  There’s been a lot of research on this, which should be obvious.

* ice cream nachos — One might assume that combining two of mankind’s greatest food inventions would be a sure thing, but in this case it might not be.  I haven’t tried it, nor do I plan to.   Here’s what I recommend: eat your nachos, drink lots of sweet tea, and THEN eat your ice cream (topped with Oreos and/or Hershey’s Syrup).  Stay with that plan, and you can’t hardly go wrong.  (Well, don’t do this every day, for reasons illustrated by the previous topic.)

* build your own particle accelerator — This would be interesting, if you had the tools to conduct the research these are typically used for.  Hopefully you are searching for educational purposes only — this should not be used as a weapon.  Some scientists are concerned that high-powered particle accelerators could theoretically create black holes, which could obviously be dangerous, since they are the deadliest force in the universe.  Which, of course, means they are not a toy.

* can a man wear black bel and brown shoes — What kind of question is that?  Of course, a man can wear a black belt with brown shoes.  Men aren’t required to follow fashion trends nor to follow those imaginary rules concerning what matches and what doesn’t.  Besides, black matches everything.   🙂  Women pay more mind to these rules, and from what I’ve heard, they tend to judge each other very critically over those non-written fashion rules.  But with men it’s a different story.  In most cases, a guy’s friends won’t even notice what he’s wearing.  Besides, men need to reassert themselves and wear what they like and what is comfortable.

That’s all, folks!   Stay tuned for the next exciting episode, same blog time, same blog channel.