The other day I went to Larry’s Pizza, and I wondered if I should get a salad. Now, before you judge me, hear the rest of the story. I realize that the official Buffet o’ Blog stance on the salad bar at Larry’s Pizza is that it’s there just for decoration. I understand that and agree wholefartedly. But this was a unique visit to the restaurant.
Accompanying me on this pizza quest was my wife, her mom, and her sister. Predictably, they all got a salad to go with their all-you-can-eat pizza. (Ironically, it’s impossible to eat all-you-can-eat pizza if you also eat a salad, since you’re wasting calories on greenery.) Anyway, I am trying to lose weight (which is why I intentionally limit my trips there). Also to consider is that it’s important to try to make a good impression on the in-laws. Even though they know me by now, I still may be judged for what I do and don’t do, which can make life more complicated.
So now you understand my dilemma. Obviously I don’t want to get a salad, and I especially don’t want to eat one there. (I don’t know if their salad bar is good or not — I honestly have never looked at it closely. All I see there is pizza!) Of course my options were to either get a salad or not, but there are potentially even more options. So I figured I’d put out a poll where you can vote on what I should’ve done. I’m just curious what the general populace thinks on such issues.
Your vote is anonymous, and after you vote it will show you what the current tally is.
Buffet o' Blog 
MangoMan
I almost chose option #2, but instead went with the ‘fill in the blank’ option… sadly it did not let me fill in the blank. I think the best option (strickly, to stay in the grace of family present) would be to get a salad, and then when the women folk leave to go to the restroom or get a pizza refill (they travel in packs you know), once they leave the table you can put part of your salad in each of their salad bowls. thus making it appear that you ate all your salad (making you look good) and making it appear that they did’nt each all their salad (making them look bad… which makes you look good by default) it’s a win win! the downside of course that you are wasting time and energy dealing with salad… but hey, since you wasted some energy, you might as have an extra piece of pizza to make up for it.
Crappo the Clown
You should rip a loud fart every time you eat a bite of salad, then blame it on the leafy greens. That will get the message across!
Fab
Whilst I like Crappo’s idea quite a bit, I think it’s time for an educational moment for the wife and her fam. This would save them a lot of unnecessary trouble of putting together a salad. It would also spare them a lot of guilt from eating just pizza (which, as you know everyone really wants to do). Here’s how an Important Nutritionist splained it to me:
Pizza Crust is made from flour and water. As we all know, water is the best thing in the world for you and wheat is of course made from a plant. And as we all know, plants are vegetables.
Pizza sauce is made from herbs, spices, and maters. All plants. All wholesome fruits and vegetables.
Cheese, as is well-known, is made from milk which is mostly water. Water, as I said is considered to be incredibly good for you. Milk also contains many naturally occuring vitamins and minerals. So I axe ya, what’s not wholesome and nutritious about cheese?
Meat is made from livestock of various kinds which feed on grasses, grains, and other plant stuffs. So by eating meat, you’re actually adding another healthy helping of vegetables on your plate!
If you so choose, you may also eat additional vegetables on your pizza, though I strongly advise against it. Too much of a good thang makes the good thang bad.
So, as it turns out, pizza is perhaps nature’s perfect food. Full of water, fruits and veggies. ‘Nuff said!