the special days of April, pt 1

As we’ve done in previous months, we’re going to look at the special days and holidays of this month.  As usual, this is not a complete list — those can be found elsewhere.  But I guarantee you will not find another list like this one.  This is not a mere list, because we add our own unique commentary and analysis.  In other words, we try to make it more fun.  And you are welcome to add to the discussion in the comments section.

Let’s get started with the month-long celebrations and observances:

  • National Humor Month — Then this is a great time to be reading this blog, because we’re all about humor!
  • National Pecan Month — To me, this says “eat pecan pie”.  Mmm…
  • International Guitar Month — Rock on, dude!
  • National Garden Month — This is when Mango-Man starts his infamous all-natural “survival of the fittest” garden.  That is, he doesn’t use chemicals and pesticides, and he doesn’t even bother watering it much.  It truly is survival of the fittest.  🙂
  • National Mathematics Education Month — I hope you already know the basics that are needed to get through life.  As far as the advanced stuff, I took Calculus I & II in college, learning all about derivatives, integrals, differential equations, abstract algebra, matrices, etc., and I use absolutely none of it in real life.  A few people might need to know it, but I didn’t need it for the computer programming I’ve done.  But I digress…
  • National Grilled Cheese Month — We’ve already discussed this before.  You can also add ham or bacon to your grilled cheese, and Miracle Whip goes well with it, too.  Mmm…

The only week-long observance I want to bring up this month is:

  • Week 1 Read a Road Map Week — Being a man, I don’t need road maps or directions.  However, in the spirit of this holiday, we should do what is implied here: take a road trip!  Does anyone want to take off for Colorado?  🙂

Now we’ll look at the individual day holidays:

  • 1 April Fool’s Day — You already know about this.  You play pranks and jokes on people.
  • 2 Children’s Book Day — I usually don’t read children’s books, because too many of them are dumbed-down (unnecessarily so in some cases).  But if you consider The Chronicles of Narnia to be a children’s series, that one is definitely worth reading.
  • peanut butter jelly sandwich2 National Peanut Butter and Jelly Day — I like the food holidays.  🙂
  • 3 Don’t Go to Work Unless it’s Fun Day — I figure most people would choose to stay home.  Although even with my current job, where I get to do work I enjoy, I still could use another day off.  After all, we have to work more days than we have off, and we should strive to be balanced in life.
  • 4 National Walk to Work Day — So you get a day off, then they want you to walk to work. Ideally, though, this is a good idea, and a good time of year for it. But sometimes it’s just not practical.
  • 4 Walk Around Things Day — This is vague.  But I suppose if you’re walking to work, you’ll have to walk around buildings and parked cars and such.
  • 4 Tell a Lie Day — You shouldn’t do this.  Why is this even a holiday?  It’s immoral!  Even if it’s a “holiday”, we’ll still have to give an account to God for all that we say…
  • 7 Caramel Popcorn Day — I prefer cheese popcorn, but still, it’s a food holiday.
  • 7 No Housework Day — This is a great idea!  I’ll have to tell my wife about this one!  🙂  Instead of housework, we could do something more fun, like play games or watch movies or play sports outside.  Almost anything is better than housework!
  • 8 Draw a Picture of a Bird Day — Uhh… I’ll pass on this one.  But, if it’s your thing, go ahead…
  • 9 Name Yourself Day — On this day, you can change your name for the day.  So if you don’t like your name, or if you’d rather be known by a nickname, this is the time.  I’m thinking about going with “Master of the Universe”.  So all my co-workers (including my bosses) will have to refer to me as such, or I will ignore them.
  • 11 Eight Track Tape Day — I barely remember these (because I’m not that old).  I never owned any, but one of my friend’s parents did.  They were interesting, and some argue they were better than cassettes, which replaced them.  But now they’re relics, replaced with CDs and MP3s.
  • 11 Barbershop Quartet Day — Is it a coincidence this is the same day as 8-Track Tape Day?  Just kidding!  This would be a good day to check out the musical style of barbershop quartets.  Try something different for a change.  You can probably find some online to listen to.
  • 12 Big Wind Day — This day blows me away!  (Sorry…)  This is a holiday because on this day in 1934, the staff of the Mount Washington Observatory recorded the highest surface wind ever measured, anywhere on earth.  This big wind was officially recorded at 231 miles per hour.  To celebrate that, take notice of the wind outside, watching its effects and listening to it.  If there isn’t any natural wind, feel free to create your own big wind.  (AWW-RIGHT!)
  • 13 Blame Someone Else Day — I think politicians already do this every day, along with much of the mainstream media.  It seems like everything is President Bush’s fault, somehow.  I don’t care for this holiday, because people already do this too much.  We need to take personal responsibility for our lives.  If you’re going to enjoy life, it’s up to you to make it happen.
  • 14 International Moment of Laughter Day — On this day, you should take (a lot of) breaks to have a moment of laughter.  After all, laughing is like jogging on the inside — it’s good for you.  So for your health, make time for laughing.  And, of course, this blog is a good source of laughter.  🙂
  • clouds over island14 Look up at the Sky Day — Go figure out why the sky is blue…  Seriously, take a moment to enjoy the clouds.  It’s even better if there’s a storm coming through, with dark clouds and lightning.  I enjoy storm chasing, but it can get dangerous…

This is getting really long, so I’m going to break it up into two posts.  To be continued…  (Click here for the next part.)

viewer mail, issue #11

It’s been a while since I’ve answered viewer mail, so here goes.  Like always, these are actual search terms used to find this site, followed by commentary and analysis.  There wasn’t any questions to answer this week, but if you have any, use the “Contact Us” link to send it to us.

  • flavor of poop — I haven’t ever researched this (for good reason), so I’m going to resort to a third-party on this one.  I have read of someone who actually ate some, and he said it tasted about like what you would expect.  I wish I could find the reference to it, because I’d give him a few seconds of additional fame for his feat.
  • i would like 17 super powers please — Doesn’t that seem kinda greedy?  Of course it would be great to have more superpowers than you know what to do with, but then some would get wasted.  Besides, can you think of any superheroes that have 17 super powers?  That would offset the balance on both sides, and it would be really bad if you decided to use your powers for evil.  So, sorry, on this request you’ll have to be DENIED.
  • coworker is an aliencoworker is an alien — If this is true, then you need to be very careful!  An alien is not going to come to Earth just to sit in a cubicle and do work; he obviously has some ulterior motives.  He could be here for research, spying, infiltration, or kidnapping.   But regardless of that, there’s another aspect of this to consider.  Do you have any idea how much fame and fortune you could get by discovering an alien?!?  People have tried to prove the existence of UFOs for decades, and if you could, you’d be so famous.  So document all your encounters with him/her/it, and keep your proof in a safe place.  Write a book with an accompanying DVD, then hit the talk show circuit.  You’ll easily make millions!
  • words like discombobulator — That word makes me feel discombobulated…
  • why do pickles explode — BECAUSE THEY’RE EVIL!!!  Actually, I didn’t know they explode on their own, but I do know for a fact that they’re evil.  Does anyone have any evidence or explanation of them exploding?  My plan of shooting all pickles into the sun would cause them to explode, but if there’s any natural exploding of pickles, I’d like to know about it.
  • unbreakable stuff — That’s just a myth.  Nothing is unbreakable.  I’ve worked with people who were naturals at breaking anything.
  • why should i eat chocolate — This one is really easy — because it tastes great!  What other reasons do you need?  But if someone is trying to convince you that it’s not healthy, that’s just because they want the chocolate for themselves.  Chocolate actually does have nutritional properties to it.  It has antioxidants, which nobody understands, but they say your body needs them.  And chocolate is a great source of sugar.  I know, sugar gets a bad reputation these days, but did you know your brain runs on sugar?  It’s true, look it up.  Of course, your body can create sugar from foods like fruits and vegetables, but why not save the time and effort by eating chocolate, which has your daily sugar needs in highly concentrated form (plus it tastes much better).
  • how safe is buffet eating? — I’ve never had any problems with it.  But, since you brought it up, I should research this.  I think this calls for a trip to Larry’s Pizza!  WOOHOO!  Would anyone like to join me to offer a second opinion?  Before you quickly volunteer, know that this may require multiple visits to local buffets, so we can reduce the standard deviation and stuff.  🙂

That’s it for this week.  Now you know more than before.  You’re welcome.

a strange question at a gas station

The other day I walked into a convenience store to get a candy bar, and they asked me, “Do you have gas?”

(Obviously they were talking about purchasing gasoline for my vehicle, or at least I hope so.  It’s somewhat disconcerting when strangers ask about my flatulence status.)

an expensive practical joke

The pitchers of the Chicago Cubs played a unique practical joke on their strength coach during spring training this year.  They totally destroyed his car!  They smashed the windows, punctured the roof, peeled up the trunk, and tied the doors closed.  They left some baseball bats and balls around the car, so he figured it was some of the pitchers.

They let him fume for a while, and he couldn’t figure out how to tell his wife about it, because it was her car.  But then the pitchers took him back to the parking lot and gave him the keys to a brand new Nissan Xterra SUV.

It seems wasteful to destroy a car like that, even if it needed to be replaced, because someone else might want it.  But I imagine the look on his face was priceless…  and I figure they had fun destroying his car…