crack weenies and bacon candy

Here at Buffet o’ Blog I often write about topics I find humorous, although sometimes the topic turns to food.  So when I found these videos that combine humor and food, I had to write about it.

There’s an online food show called “Worst Foods Hall of Shame”.  The basic premise is that the host tries unusual recipes that are sent in by readers.  As you might guess by the title, some of the concoctions are nasty.  But there are some that you’ve probably never heard of but will be tempted to make.  The episode linked below has one of each.

In this video the host, Shawn McKee, tries 3 reader-submitted recipes.  The first involves Chips Ahoy chocolate chip cookies topped with sliced cheese.  He says they’re okay but missing something, so he improvises and adds maple syrup.  The second recipe consists of chocolate cake donuts topped with can tuna (packed in oil).  That one sounds incredibly gross.  He tries it, and says, “It’s even worse than you’d think it would be.  Oily tuna on a chocolate donut?  Amazing… amazingly bad.”  His third recipe is called “crack weenies”, which are made from smokies and bacon, and it sounds good.  (Perhaps we’ll try that last one at a future Buffet o’ Bacon event.)

In that video, he references “bacon candy”.  If you’re still reading, I figure you’re interested, like I am.  So here’s that video.  (A short synopsis is candy made from butter and sugar, a gelatinous mix made from cottage cheese, Jello, and ranch dressing, and then bacon candy.  Only one of those am I interested in trying.)

If you are interested in our bacon experiments, here’s the link to our buffet o’ bacon and part 2.

viewer mail, issue #14

One of my regular readers recently pointed out that I haven’t written an issue of viewer mail in a while, and what they said was true.   There’s no good excuse for that, but to appease certain people, I’ll make an excuse anyway: I had stuff to do.  🙂

But enough rambling, well, rambling without a point, anyway.   Let’s get to the viewer mail.   As always, these are actual search terms that led people to this blog.  I will provide answers, advice, skepticism, ridicule, or whatever is necessary in response to these phrases.

  • newly invented vitamins and minerals — I have nothing against science and inventing, but I don’t think we need more vitamins and minerals.  I already have enough trouble eating all of them I’m supposed to.  HOWEVER, if these new vitamins and minerals can somehow make things like bacon and gravy healthy, then I’m all for it!  That would be a great invention — not only would you improve the quality of life of millions of people, but you’d make billions of dollars!
  • volcano-kilauea-in-sept-84-shot-450m-high1“survive a volcanic eruption” — I can help you here.  The key for survival in that situation is to be far away.   It’s really that simple.  You really want to avoid the hot molten magma / lava, because it can burn through almost anything, including concrete and steel.  So it’s best to be far away.   And don’t try to cook marshmallows or hot dogs over the lava, because it can reach 2000 degrees; thus your food will melt, as will you.
  • friends that are too cool — It’s unfortunate this happens, but it’s a way of life.  Your only options are to either improve yourself, or just give them their space.  We had a guest editorial by Thomas Wayne about this one time, so you can read a few people’s thoughts on it in the comments on that post.
  • chocolate chip cookiescookies for breakfast — Some health nuts may say cookies are not a “breakfast food” or that they aren’t suitable for breakfast somehow.   To that I say “hogwash!”.   I have conducted my own extensive research in this area, and the results are conclusive that cookies make a great breakfast.   Milk is a good beverage of choice to go with your breakfast of cookies.
  • smoking/oxygen — I’m glad you brought this up, whoever you are.  Have you ever realized that smoking cigarettes and cigars burns oxygen out of our atmosphere?  Thus smoking contributes to global warming!   You probably won’t hear Al Gore mention that, because it might make some people mad, but I’m not afraid to rock the boat.

Well, that’s all we have time for today.   I really do have stuff to do.  🙂  Be sure to check out the other issues of viewer mail for more answers to the stuff you’re searching for.

the special days of May, pt 2

Now we will continue our look at the special days of May.  This part will focus on holidays or observances on individual days.

  • 1 May Day — This is supposed to be a celebration of spring and the coming of summer.  In Hawaii, it’s known as “Lei Day”.  In many countries, it’s a one to three day holiday.  If it means getting off work, we should celebrate it here in the U.S.
  • 1 Space Day — I suppose you can just stare off into space this day.  It would be great if we could all get a free trip to space, so we can really appreciate it.  But that’s probably not in the space exploration budget…
  • 3 Lumpy Rug Day — Uhh… what exactly are you supposed to celebrate here?  I’d figure you don’t want your rug to be lumpy… but to each his own.
  • 4 Bird Day — This holiday has gone to the birds…
  • 4 National Candied Orange Peel Day — What?  I didn’t know people even did this?  Why?
  • 4 National Weather Observers’ Day — I sometimes observe the weather, so I reckon this is a day for me!  Maybe there will be a thunderstorm with lots of lightning on this day!
  • 5 Cinco de Mayo — I hear a lot of people talk about this holiday every year, but it’s supposed to be a day to be proud of your Hispanic descent.  So it doesn’t apply to me (or most of the people I hear talking about it).
  • 5 National Hoagie Day — This is a holiday I can support.  This day you should eat a large hoagie / sub / hero sandwich, piling on the toppings of your choice.  Remember, since it’s a holiday, diets don’t apply, so add all the toppings you want (including bacon).
  • 6 Beverage Day — My favorite beverage is sweet tea, specifically BOH tea from Malaysia (which is difficult to acquire in these parts).  But I drink this regularly, so for it to be a special day, restaurants ought to make beverages be free.  It sounds reasonable to me.  🙂
  • 6 No Diet Day — This is what I’m talking about!  This should be a holiday every month!  Like it says, no diets apply, so eat whatever you want this day.
  • 7 National Tourism Day — If we’re supposed to support tourism on this day, that means we need to be off work!  You can’t be a tourist in your home area, so you need time off work to travel around.
  • 8 No Socks Day — The person who created this day professes that not wearing socks will reduce your laundry load, therefore it’s good for the environment.  If that’s true, we might as well take it a step further.  Just stay home this day, wearing only your underwear, and playing video games.  🙂
  • 9 Lost Sock Memorial Day — A memorial for lost socks?  There’s no need to get mushy or sentimental over that!  Just buy some new socks.  Although, if you happen to have a problem of mad goats eating socks out of your dryer, then that could get expensive, but you might want to do something about that…
  • 10 Clean up Your Room Day — Let’s not and pretend we did…
  • 11 Mother’s Day — I’m very thankful that my mom had me.  You should be, too.  Because if I hadn’t been born, the world would really be missing out…  🙂
  • pizza11 Eat What You Want Day — Obviously diets don’t apply on this day, either, because what I want doesn’t fit into normal diets.  Hmm, what should I eat this day?  Pizza is always a good choice, and cheeseburgers, and nachos, and Mexican all-you-can-eat places would be a great place to go, and seafood buffets, and fudge brownies and ice cream with chocolate syrup drizzled over it, and I could go on.  This really needs to be more than one day!!!
  • 11 Twilight Zone Day — Dun dun DUN!
  • 12 Fatigue Syndrome Day — One of the suggested activities today is to sleep in.
  • 12 Limerick Day — If you want to flex your poetic non-muscles, this is the day.  Perhaps someone would like to write one in the comments section.  (Any time is fine.)
  • 13 Leprechaun Day — Has anyone ever seen one of these Irish midgets?  (Or is it a faerie?)  If you catch one, ask him where his treasure is hidden, because he’s supposed to tell you.  I could use some extra treasure, so let me know if you know where one is.
  • 14 Dance Like a Chicken Day — Do chickens dance?  I dunno.  According to one website, this is a “tradition at every wedding reception”.  I’m glad we didn’t know about it at my wedding!  There were way too many people with cameras there for me to act the fool.  But I don’t believe that anyway — I think they’re just making that up, trying to make people act stupid for others’ enjoyment.
  • chocolate chip cookies15 National Chocolate Chip Day — This is a most excellent use of a holiday (much better than the last one!).  This day, you should eat as many chocolate chip cookies as you want.  And have plenty of milk handy, too.  I don’t know why, but milk goes really well with chocolate chip cookies.

This list is getting considerably long, so I’m going to continue it in the next post.  (Click here to search for the other ones.)

the special days of December

As has become our tradition, we are going to look at some of the special holidays in December.  Like most months, almost every day has something associated with it, but we’re going to cover only the ones we find interesting or stupid.  You can find the full listing at other sites, but only here will you find our exclusive commentary and analysis.  As always, these are actual holidays that we found listed.  Let’s get started with the month-long celebrations.

December is :

  • National Stress Free Family Holiday Month — This one is a great idea, and it is on the right month, because December tends to be one of the more stressful months of the year.  It shouldn’t be stressful, ideally, but all the commercialism makes it more so.  Anyway, try to relax this month.
  • Read A New Book Month — This is a good idea, too.  Reading is good for you — it exercises your brain and can teach you things.  If you can’t find some books you like, just print out this blog and staple the pages together, and that’ll give you plenty to read for a while.  Or try my other blog if you want more challenging reading instead of funny and humorous and random.
  • Safe Toy and Gift Month — As much as your friends and family might want that flamethrower, it’s probably not a good idea to give it to them.  Also, I’ve heard that a BB gun will cause you to shoot your eye out.  I’m not sure I believe that (in most cases, anyway), but I seem to hear that a lot this time of year…
  • Write to a Friend Month — You should do this.  Send them a Christmas card, or even a standard letter.  Or, really, you could just send them an e-mail (but not a forward).  If you don’t have any friends, that’s rather unfortunate, but I’ll be your friend.  You can use the “Contact Us” form on the homepage to send us a letter (free of charge).  We will read all of them (unless it’s spam).

Now let’s look at the individual special days in December :

  • 1 National Pie Day — This one’s easy — eat lots of pie.  Mmm…
  • 3 National Roof over Your Head Day — I guess you’re supposed to sleep in a house with a roof over your head on this day.  I happen to do this every day anyway, so I don’t know why it’s a holiday.
  • 4 Wear Brown Shoes Day — This sounds simple, but for some guys, it might not work.  See, guys usually don’t have very many pairs of shoes.  Some guys have one pair of dress shoes (usually black so they’ll match everything) and one pair of tennis shoes.  But don’t feel obligated to buy brown shoes for this day.  Besides, there’s a much better holiday on this day to celebrate (see next).
  • 4 National Cookie Day — This is awesome!  There should be one of these every month!
  • 6 St. Nicholas Day — I expected this to be on the 25th, but I suppose it makes sense, so he won’t be overshadowed by Jesus.
  • 6 Put on your own Shoes Day — Uhh… I already put my own shoes on.  If you don’t, then you should start doing so.  Don’t make other people handle your smelly feet.
  • 8 National Brownie Day — Brownies are scrumptious, especially when you add vanilla ice cream and some Hershey’s syrup on top.  Mmm…
  • 9 International Children’s Day — I’ve never heard of this before.  I wonder why…  [author closes eyes and constipates real hard]  Ah, I think I’ve figured out why.  See, on Mother’s Day, you give gifts to your Mom.  On Father’s Day, you give your dad a tie.  If children knew they had a special day, they’d want presents, but it’s already so close to Christmas.  So obviously there’s a big conspiracy by parents everywhere to keep this from children.
  • 9 National Pastry Day — Does December seem like the month to eat a lot?  Another food-related holiday.
  • 12 National Ding-a-Ling Day — Uhh… my research (* I did no research) shows this is for people to act crazy and wacky.  Most people don’t need a holiday for that…
  • 13 Ice Cream Day — What a delectable treat!  If you have any brownies left from the 8th, you could use them here.  (Wait, if you have leftover brownies that are 5 days old, you don’t understand about eating brownies.)  I could go on and on about ice cream.  I’m glad someone invented it.
  • 16 National Chocolate Covered Anything Day — This is awesome.  I’m glad someone thought of this one.  Almost all desserts can be made even better by adding chocolate.  If you want to make something, I suggest chocolate balls — they’ve got Oreos and cream cheese mixed together in a ball, then covered in molten milk chocolate, then after it hardens, drizzle melted white chocolate on top.  There is hardly anything better!
  • 18 Bake Cookies Day — There is nothing like freshly baked chocolate-chip cookies.  And if you have enough to share, invite some friends over, but don’t tell them about the cookies at first; let them smell the cookies baking, and then their faces will light up.  (FYI, if you take it this far, it would be cruel and unusual to not offer them some cookies and milk.)
  • 20 Go Caroling Day — This is a good time for caroling, which can be a lot of fun.
  • 21 Humbug Day — Watch out for scrooges…
  • 21 Look on the Bright Side Day — You should do this all the time.  Maybe this is scheduled here for those people who don’t have any presents under the tree yet…
  • 24 National Chocolate Day — Yes!  (Didn’t I tell you December is for eating!)  Eat lots of chocolate.  Chocolate also makes a great last-minute gift.
  • 24 National Egg Nog Day — I like egg nog.  It’s got a very unique taste.  If you’re buying it, I recommend the Hiland variety (other others are good, too).
  • 25 Christmas Day — Here’s where we meet with family, exchange gifts, and eat a lot.  But let us not forget the reason for the season — the birth of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, who was born this day to pay the price for our sins, bringing salvation to all who will believe.
  • 26 Boxing Day — This is a day to be thankful and to give a box of goodies to the poor.  This is also a day when personal servants get a day off, since some of them have to work on Christmas.  I don’t know why it’s called Boxing Day, though.
  • 27 National Fruitcake Day — Since some people give fruitcakes as gifts, perhaps this is the day to give them to other people.  Nobody is really sure what the fruitcake is made of, because it is too hard for scientists to drill into.  I also think they should be renamed, because it’s not cake.
  • 30 National Bicarbonate of Soda Day — This is about Baking Soda.  You may think Baking Soda isn’t very special, but it has a lot of uses.  When heated, it creates gas.  (So if you put it in food…)  Yet supposedly it will reduce flatulence if you put it in the water you cook your beans in.  Yet, it relieves stomach indigestion and heartburn when mixed in water, so perhaps that’s from it creating gas inside you that relieves the pressure.
  • 31 New Year’s Eve — Here’s where you make New Year’s resolutions.  I’ve decided to make one I can actually keep — I’m resolving to gain 15 pounds.  🙂

There you have it.  We’ve completed this month’s calendar of holidays.  There were actually more food holidays that we didn’t list, because this is getting long.  But you can find them elsewhere online.  Besides, there’s quite a bit to celebrate just among what we mentioned.