Warning : May contain more than your daily recommended allowance of randomness
We should commit random acts of kindness. I have developed an algorithm for this. The next time someone asks you for a quarter (or any small coin), take one out of your pocket, and toss it in the air. Heads, give it to them. Tails, put it back in your pocket, and tell them you haven’t got any. Or whatever — remember, the important thing is to be RANDOM.
These days there are a lot of people who speak bad English. And with more and more people communicating via blogs and instant messaging and e-mail, our text structure is very important. If your grammar and spelling are poor, it’s kinda like wearing dirty, wrinkled clothes. And so there’s a great need for grammar help, and thus I’m proud to annouce I’m about to release my next book : 12 Steps To A More Better Vocabulary.
As soon as the editor finishes going through it, I’ll begin accepting orders…
~ Thomas Wayne
Laughing is important. Laughing is like jogging on the inside. And studies show that people who laugh tend to enjoy life more. So this is why we have this website : to help people laugh and thus be healthier. We realize the importance of our mission, so we take our humor seriously. (Uhh…) Did you know we even have a humor guarantee? How many places offer that?!? So consider that when you’re comparing our site to the leading brand. Not only is most of our humor original (meaning it’s fresh), but it’s guaranteed.
What is the Buffet o’ Blog Humor Guarantee? If any Buffet o’ Blog post does not make you laugh, the next post is FREE! To get free post, send unused portion of post back to Buffet o’ Blog with letter explaining why it was not funny. Expect six to eight weeks for response. If complaint was deemed valid, you will receive a voucher for a free post which must be used within thirty (30) days. Guarantee does not apply to posts deemed as an “announcement” or anything written by Aquaman. Actually, if you laugh during one of those posts, then you owe twice the usual cost of a post. Offer not valid if you are a feminist or other professionally humorless person.
So remember this guarantee when you’re looking at those generic-brand humor sites that don’t offer a guarantee. We actually care about your humor-deficiency and want to help. And when you read a post and then think of something funny, feel free to put it in the comments. Working together, we can make the world a happier and healthier place. And that’s a good thing…
Here’s a few quotes to lighten up your Monday morning. Go ahead, laugh a little. At least smile. If you can’t smile, then the forces of Monday have overpowered you and you need help.
Did you know, 50% of doctors graduated in the BOTTOM HALF of their class.
I’m going to ask you a question, and I want the truth! Do you know how to breakdance? ~ “Stone Cold” Steve Austin
To make your bathroom breaks at work more fun for everyone, you should cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise.
I was thinking about how the status symbol of today is those pagers that everyone has clipped on their belts. I can’t afford one so I’m wearing my garage door opener.
Practice random kindness and senseless acts of beauty.
I think the key to my homemade “olde-tyme” peanut butter cookies is the great care I put into crunching up real peanuts into a smooth consistency. Either that or the added saliva. ~ Brad Simanek
My wife must think I’m an idiot! “Separate the white clothes from the colors.” Ha! Whether I separate them left-to-right or top-to-bottom, the washing machine will still mix them all together anyway! ~ Chuck Bonner
Did you laugh or at least smile? If no, then you need help. I’m sure someone here can help you. First, try reading many posts at this site. There’s some funny stuff here. If you still never get amused, then there’s some serious issues. You might’ve become a zombie, or a femi-nazi, or a “workaholic coworker”, or a politically correct person. If any of these things apply, seek professional help. It’s important to laugh! If you are getting offended a lot, that’s a problem also; that would mean you need to get a life. Our time on this earth is too short to waste it being offended at people’s stupidity or to walk in self-righteous indignation (which is also stupidity). (Hey, maybe I should write some proverbs… hmm…)
Anyway, laugh often. If there’s not enough humor happening around you, try to be funny yourself (if you can).
Buffet o' Blog 