viewer mail, issue #14

One of my regular readers recently pointed out that I haven’t written an issue of viewer mail in a while, and what they said was true.   There’s no good excuse for that, but to appease certain people, I’ll make an excuse anyway: I had stuff to do.  🙂

But enough rambling, well, rambling without a point, anyway.   Let’s get to the viewer mail.   As always, these are actual search terms that led people to this blog.  I will provide answers, advice, skepticism, ridicule, or whatever is necessary in response to these phrases.

  • newly invented vitamins and minerals — I have nothing against science and inventing, but I don’t think we need more vitamins and minerals.  I already have enough trouble eating all of them I’m supposed to.  HOWEVER, if these new vitamins and minerals can somehow make things like bacon and gravy healthy, then I’m all for it!  That would be a great invention — not only would you improve the quality of life of millions of people, but you’d make billions of dollars!
  • volcano-kilauea-in-sept-84-shot-450m-high1“survive a volcanic eruption” — I can help you here.  The key for survival in that situation is to be far away.   It’s really that simple.  You really want to avoid the hot molten magma / lava, because it can burn through almost anything, including concrete and steel.  So it’s best to be far away.   And don’t try to cook marshmallows or hot dogs over the lava, because it can reach 2000 degrees; thus your food will melt, as will you.
  • friends that are too cool — It’s unfortunate this happens, but it’s a way of life.  Your only options are to either improve yourself, or just give them their space.  We had a guest editorial by Thomas Wayne about this one time, so you can read a few people’s thoughts on it in the comments on that post.
  • chocolate chip cookiescookies for breakfast — Some health nuts may say cookies are not a “breakfast food” or that they aren’t suitable for breakfast somehow.   To that I say “hogwash!”.   I have conducted my own extensive research in this area, and the results are conclusive that cookies make a great breakfast.   Milk is a good beverage of choice to go with your breakfast of cookies.
  • smoking/oxygen — I’m glad you brought this up, whoever you are.  Have you ever realized that smoking cigarettes and cigars burns oxygen out of our atmosphere?  Thus smoking contributes to global warming!   You probably won’t hear Al Gore mention that, because it might make some people mad, but I’m not afraid to rock the boat.

Well, that’s all we have time for today.   I really do have stuff to do.  🙂  Be sure to check out the other issues of viewer mail for more answers to the stuff you’re searching for.

farting lowers your blood pressure

There’s a new article in science research that you won’t believe.  According to LiveScience, the stink in farts helps control blood pressure.  I know, you think I’m making this up, that it’s some crazy hypothesis that I pulled out of my butt.  But this is actual science.  Here’s the link, so you can verify for yourself: The Stink in Farts Controls Blood Pressure.

The stink they’re referring to is the “smelly rotten-egg” smell, which is hydrogen sulfide (H2S).  They’ve found that cells lining mice’s blood vessels make the gas and the purpose is to keep their blood pressure low by relaxing the blood vessels to prevent hypertension (high blood pressure).  Then the researchers said the gas is “no doubt” in human blood vessels, too.

So the conclusion here is obvious — passing gas lowers your blood pressure.  It also seems obvious that the inverse would be true — refraining from farting could increase your blood pressure.  So you could say farting is good for you.

On a side note, I found this link on the K-Love website, and it said “Warning: Mature Content”.  That’s not true at all!  There’s nothing vulgar or obscene in that news article, and it didn’t even make any crude jokes involving potty humor.  Why is this “mature content”?  Is farting vulgar?  I’ll answer that for you: NO!   Let me make something clear: EVERYONE PASSES GAS!  It shouldn’t be a societal taboo.  Why do some people think it’s rude?   Of course, there are some situations where you should temporarily hold it or go outside, but most of the time those exceptions don’t apply.

So my conclusion from all this is that you should let ‘er rip, because it’s good for your health.  If people get all discombobulated about it, explain that it lowers your blood pressure, and if they don’t believe you (which is likely), refer them to this article so they may be enlightened.

you need fire for success

I like to collect quotes.   So many of them are filled with nuggets of wisdom, while others are humorous.  But then there are some that I just don’t understand.   Like this one:

“Success isn’t a result of spontaneous combustion.  You must set yourself on fire.” ~ Arnold H. Glasow

Maybe that’s success for him, but personally, I don’t consider setting myself on fire to be “success”.  I reckon we just have different goals.  But since his is so strange, he shouldn’t make a broad statement like that.  But I will say this — as a hobby, setting things on fire is fun, but most experts agree that it’s typically not in your best interests to set yourself on fire.

Success for most people would probably involve inheriting or winning millions of dollars, acquiring your own private island, having all the latest technology, and sitting around eating Cheetos and playing video games all day.