I was at a restaurant the other night, and I ordered a bacon cheeseburger. I specifically said no pickles (because pickles are evil), yet they included pickles on my burger. Fortunately, neither the meat nor the bun was contaminated by the stank of the pickles, so I could just discard of the lettuce, tomato, and onions, and the burger could be rescued without having to send it back and wait.
I’m going to create a business card that says if the server includes pickles on my order, my meal will be free. I’m going to set it on the table as soon as I sit down, so things are clear. Perhaps the card should read in big letters: “PICKLES ARE EVIL — NO TOLERANCE”. Then the fine print will explain the other terms.
I’ve also considered throwing all pickles in the floor, to make my point more clearly. (Such things have been rumored to have happened before.) At least I’m more tolerant than Stewie Griffin of the show Family Guy, who said, “For every pickle I find, I shall kill you.” 🙂 I’m not too tolerant of evil (and therefore pickles, by association), but I try to be merciful to people, because I’ve discovered not everyone realizes that pickles are evil. I don’t know how they don’t know, but ignorance and deception can lead to strange, irrational behavior, so I try to educate folks on this whenever possible.
BTW, if you stumbled onto this site from a search engine and were not aware that pickles are evil, follow the link above and read the comments — it’s debated thoroughly there. Be enlightened… and share the knowledge with others.
One day a while back I had a migraine, and I happened to run into the “Important Doctor” that occasionally writes comments on this blog, and I told him how I was trying to keep a good attitude despite the immense pain. Do you know what he said to me? Think on this:
At least you’re healthy enough to feel bad.
What does that even mean? Is that supposed to make me feel better? Is he a philosopher or a doctor?
We’ve received another e-mail from guest writer Thomas Wayne, as part of his “Embellished Memoirs of my Life” series:
I’ve been seeing these commercials on TV where some guy claims to be “The Most Interesting Man in the World”. He’s a lie! That is me. He’s advertising DOS version 20, or somethin’ like that, I dunno. Whatever… What I do know is that I am the most interesting man in the world. I don’t know how these commercial producers can sleep at night, after putting out false misinformation like that. I’m the original “international man of mystery”, a real “distinguished gentleman”. Anyone who doesn’t know this as common sense is obviously uncultured. Maybe I should sue them, for defamation of character and misrepresentation.
I’m not surprised to hear that from him. So what do you think? Should he press forward with pressing charges?
Earlier tonight I was on the road, and the radio was set to K-Love. The song “Whatever You’re Doing (Something Heavenly)” by Sanctus Real came on, and it came on again later that evening. (Is there such a shortage of good Christian songs that they have to replay the same ones every hour or so? The short answer: NO! Also, this happened about a week ago with a different song. That’s why I rarely listen to the station. But that’s a rant for another day.)
Anyway, the chorus of the song says, “You’re up to something bigger than me”, and I got to thinking about that. That’s BIG! I mean, for it to be bigger than me, that’s saying something! So I’m excited about that!
~ Thomas Wayne
(FYI, yes, this is humor. Or at least an attempt at it.)