I want a green yard

I was just thinking recently how I'd like for my yard to be greener, and then I got this e-mail which offers a free way to make your yard green.  How convenient!


Yes, It's That Time of Year Again…
Time to Fertilize!

This letter is being sent to you since we know you are critically interested in your front lawn and the spring season will soon be on us.  This is a fertilizer club and it will not cost you a cent to join. Upon receipt of this letter go to the address at the top of the list and crap on the front lawn.  You will not be the only one there, so don't feel embarrassed.

Then make five (5) copies of this letter and send it to five (5) of your friends who appreciate good lawns.  You will not get any cash or checks, but within one week, if this chain is not broken, there will be 9,126 people crapping on your front lawn.  Your reward will come next summer when you have the greenest front lawn in your neighborhood.

Mr. Hugh Janus
14 Poopie Park

Mrs. Lucy Bowels
20 Bed Pan Cover

Mr. and Mrs. Charles Syringe
2 Suppository Drive

Mrs. Pyle O. Crap
1422 Enema Street

Mr. and Mrs. Tooka Frizzick
343 Running Loose Road

Mr. and Mrs. Smelly B. Hind
476 Diarrhea Way

Mr. and Mrs. C. Howie Farts
89 Rectum Road

Mr. and Mrs. A. Bigger Movement
276 Fertilizer Way

PS–If you are constipated, pass this along to your neighbor.  Do NOT break this chain.  One man didn't give a crap and lost his entire front lawn.

6 thoughts on “I want a green yard

  1. Dumb Blonde

    I don’t get it, how do I forward it to my friends? It wasn’t forwarded or sent to me on my e-mail.

    Thanks for any help in getting this accomplished.


    Poopless in Pittsburg

  2. Crappo the Clown

    Dear Poopless in Pittsburgh,

    If you are unable to figure out this chain letter, you can just poop in your own yard — over and over. It will have the same effect. If privacy is a concern, you can just fling the poo out your windows.

    Sing with me :
    Flingin’ poo
    Flingin’ poo
    Everybody loves
    Flingin’ poo
    (Give it a chance.)

  3. Manny (aka 'Lil Squirt')

    HELP!!!… I followed your advice… and have since had upwards of 10,000 people crap on my lawn. but somethings WRONG!!! everything went well at first… this morning when I woke up my lawn had been covered by at least 6" of freshly fallen fecal matter… then the trouble started… I can't leave the house… (the sidewalks are no longer safe to walk on) the theres the SMELL! you NEVER mentioned the smell!!!

    and now to make matters worse some idiot tossed a cigarette out their car window & set it all ablaze (due to all the methane I suppose)

    please help… I can't breath, because of the smell… I can't sleep, because of the light from the flames is too bright… All my grass is dying and i'm trapped in my own home! I need your advice!!!

    ~Lil Squirt

    P.S. did I mention the SMELL!!!

  4. Pingback: offended at poop « Buffet o’ Blog

  5. Pingback: bird poop facials — only $180 | Buffet o' Blog

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