much ado about nothing

Before yesterday’s post (ARRR!) we received a message here via the Contact Us form.  (By the way, anyone can use it, and you can ask any question — see the link for details.)  This message was a little unusual.  I’ll let you see for yourself:

Name: chester
Email: gas@yo-mommashouse.org
Message: yo, mr. blog dude. your blog promised to give me more than my ‘recommended allowance of randomness’ but there hasn’t been an update in almost 3 weeks! whats up with that? that’s like breach of contract and stuff. you better start posting new stuff, or i’m going to get my law degree from one of those online accredited universities and sue! that’s right! I’LL be the one enjoying the free cheesedip each month once this blog starts making money and not you! so help a brother out, and save me the $19.95 i’d have to spend on a law degree and post more stuff! you’ve been warned!

Okay, I know who this is from, and he can suck rocks.  🙂  But I will nonetheless address his concerns since he took the time to write.

1) There has been a lack of content lately, and while I have many valid excuses of various activities competing for my time, it will be suffice to sum up with: I had stuff to do.  🙂

2) There is no free cheese dip each month.  (I wish!)

3) If you’re really desiring more content, here’s a fun thing to try.  In the sidebar there is a link called Random Randomness, which takes you to a random post on this blog.  There are very few readers (if any) who have read every post and all the comments.  Besides, there’s great content that you might’ve forgotten about.

4) For additional enjoyment, click on “Say What” in the categories list, and read through the comments for the caption contests.  The comments are what makes it great, and you’ll probably think of additional captions to add while you’re there.

Talk Like A Pirate Day (and free donuts)

Cap’n Slappy and Ol’ Chumbucket, the founders of Talk Like a Pirate Day

Avast, ye bloglubbers!  Today be International Talk Like A Pirate Day, and all ye who refuse will henceforth be tied to the mast.  ARRRR!

Yo ho ho, some scallywags on the TV said some Krispy Kreme stores will give you a free donut today if ye talk like a pirate.  We be thinking that’s almost as good as finding a treasure chest.  (Although, some Krispy Kreme stores will give you a free donut anytime they’re being made, but still, a free donut is a free donut.)

you can help us prevent hurricanes

A while back I wrote an article about how to prevent hurricanes.  It’s been a really popular post lately, and for good reason — Hurricane Isaac was recently causing a swath of destruction along its path through the southern U.S.

Hurricane Isaac in 2012

The article explained some ways to prevent hurricanes, but there has been a noticeable lack of funds coming in.  So obviously investors either haven’t found it, or they didn’t take it seriously.  I realize the presentation could’ve been made in a more “professional” manner.  It started off with some rambling (also known as digressing), and some of the ideas were intentionally over-the-top for fun.  But I make no apologies for the format — this is a humor blog, after all.  Even when legitimate ideas are released into the blogosphere, they are accompanied with humor.  That’s just how I roll.  (Well, I do have a serious blog, and it could’ve went there, but then I would’ve had to edit out the randomness, and what’s the fun in that?)

The last idea was actually somewhat viable, though.  It could make a difference in so many ways.  Obviously we wouldn’t cover the entire Sahara desert with solar panels, but we’d have to make only a something-eight percent difference to improve the current status quo.  And as the post explains, this would reduce global warming AND save money from hurricane damages AND be a clean, green, unlimited, renewable energy solution.  So what’s the problem?  All we need is appropriate funding (and by appropriate I mean a LOT, like billions of dollars), but it would pay for itself many times over.

There may be some people who worry about tampering with Mother Nature, and there are valid concerns to address, but we’ve been doing it for years already.  If things do change for the negative somehow, people will just blame labels like “Global Warming” and “Climate Change” (partly because it gives them political power and enables them to raise taxes with the cleverly named “Cap and Trade”, but I’d better not rant on that or I will surely digress).  Besides, there are solar panels already installed in the southwest U.S., and nobody complains about that changing the weather.

It’s important that we focus on the key initiative here, and that is to solve numerous global problems at once.  Well, that and make billions of dollars in profit.  But as the saying goes, it takes money to make money.  And it takes money to save the world, unless you’ve got super powers like Superman.  However none of us are Superman, and as far as I know, no one on the Buffet o’ Blog staff has any of the super powers of Superman (or we’d know, because it would be awesome to use them).  So we need investment funding, which is another way of saying “send us your money”.  We’ll send you an official certificate saying you contributed to saving the world.  Plus you’ll feel all warm and toasty inside, and you’ll help extend the life of the Earth, and you can’t put a dollar value on that.

the ultimate BLT sandwich

I saw a commercial the other night for an “Ultimate BLT” from Arby’s.  It had my attention because of how often they said bacon (probably 7 times).  They used big grandiose terms like “monument to bacon”, etc.  So naturally I was expecting good things from this new food of theirs.

Then they actually shows the sandwich, which contains only 5 pieces of bacon.  I was suddenly disappointed.  And that’s with their commercial depiction.  Here’s a picture of one that someone purchased.

Arby’s “Ultimate BLT”. There might be 5 pieces of bacon, but not 5 full strips of bacon. This is so not the ultimate BLT.

I realize fast food often does not look like the commercials — I get that — but this is not an “Ultimate BLT” by any stretch!

So a question arises.  For something to be declared the ultimate BLT, how many slices of bacon are required?  And should any other ingredients be included?  (I realize there may be purists who say a BLT cannot have extra ingredients, but what if it makes it better?  Plus, we are talking about a modified title of “Ultimate BLT”, which implies it should be the best possible BLT.)

I’d like to hear your thoughts on this, because you might have ideas I haven’t thought of.  To get the discussion started, the Buffet o’ Blog staff talked about it around the virtual water cooler:

* I think anything to be declared the “ultimate” in bacon should have a minimum of 1/4 lbs of bacon… anything less and it just sounds a bit puny.  I’d laugh if I saw a commercial touting something like 1/8 a pound of bacon!

* Even if one cares about the other 2/3 of a BLT, you’d still need bacon to be prominent over the LT.  I’d say at least 1/4 lbs, but I’d recommend (and like to research) 1/2 lbs.

* To be “ultimate”, they’ve got to take it to the next level.  BAM!  For starters, add melted cheese to it, and Miracle Whip.  Some chipotle sauce would go well with it, too, I think.  For the cheese, could probably use cheese dip with Rotel to pour on it, just make it thick enough to stay in the sandwich.

* Add a fried egg to it!  Well, if you’re gonna call it ultimate, add several eggs and more bacon.  And cheese, of course.  Tell me this wouldn’t sell like hotcakes!  I would eat this for any meal of the day.

Any more ideas?