Warning : May contain more than your daily recommended allowance of randomness
Recently Dennis Rodman met with North Korea leader Kim Jong Un, and then he went to Rome to hopefully meet with the new Pope. I haven’t heard a valid explanation of how this could’ve happened. Rodman was a basketball star in the NBA years ago, but is he famous in North Korea? Or did he achieve this meeting with some shuckin’ and jivin’? Either way, no one knows. But this picture below might be the best explanation I’ve heard thus far.
Recently I was battling a cold, and someone suggested I take Cold-Eeze, which is supposedly proven to reduce the duration of the common cold. It’s hard to know how much it actually helps, because colds vary in duration naturally. But I’m willing to try it. Also, it has zinc in it, which reminds me of an episode of Phineas and Ferb. 🙂
While glancing over the fine print on the box, I noticed this line:
“Product may produce a laxative effect.”
That’s information that it pays to know! Well, you might also pay if you don’t know! If someone started taking them like candy, reasoning that if one helps then surely multiple doses helps more, bad things could happen. Ignorance isn’t always bliss, as the saying goes. Here, ignorance could equal diarrhea.
That’s all I have to say about that, but I can’t end the post with diarrhea, so let me close with an appropriate saying I learned from watching G.I. Joe cartoons as a kid: “Knowing is half the battle.” In this case, it could be more than half…
It’s a few weeks after the big game, but that doesn’t matter. Either you’ll like this or you won’t. (That could probably apply to any post, although more so for this one, since it’s about football.) Anyway, I came across a blog where someone wrote a live update of the pregame and game, and it’s not your usual summary. In addition to being funny, it’s a glimpse into how the game and commentary might look to someone who isn’t accustomed to American culture. So much of this perspective we normally miss, just because it’s normal to us or we don’t bother to think about it. Anyway, here’s some excerpts from the Super Bowl XLVII summary: The Superest Bowl Ever.
2:39: Bombshell! President Barack Obama DOESN’T KNOW WHO HE IS ROOTING FOR! We should impeach him! This somehow segues into a story about concussions. I assume they’re implying that Obama has a concussion, but I may be reading too much into it.
3:05: Chuck Pagano, the Indianapolis Colts head coach was hired, then was diagnosed with leukemia, then it went into remission. There is a lot of crying. Most of it is not from me, though, so kudos to me for being manly. Inspirational/depressing story #3.
3:20: CBS asked their Facebook fans which quarterback was the best. That is a great idea for deciding levels of talent. No one on Facebook will vote based on their biases.
3:36: Apparently Obama isn’t concerned about his son playing football since he only has two daughters. Bombshell! OBAMA IS SEXIST AND SAYS HIS DAUGHTERS WON’T BE INTERESTED IN PLAYING FOOTBALL BECAUSE THEY’RE GIRLS! No wonder the right hates him so much.
4:00: Football players explain that they are trying hard to win the Super Bowl while the “Saving Private Ryan” soundtrack plays in the background. I figured they were planning on phoning it in, so now I’m really looking forward to the game.
5:00: “The Kickoff Show” starts. What the crap have I been watching for the past 3 hours?
5:01: A bunch of retired NFL players start stories about their turn in the Super Bowl. They never finish the stories though before someone else starts talking. Either those players are all very bad at interrupting or the CBS editors have serious ADD.
6:05: The first quarter ends with the score 7-3. More importantly, I am eating wings. Therefore, I do not care about the stupid football game for the next half hour.
6:09: The Harbaughs’ parents are at the game. I was wondering if they were watching the game, but thank goodness someone had the answer for me.
6:13: The 49ers fumble and the Ravens recover. They really should have made a game-plan that involved not dropping the ball. I bet they do that next time.
6:28: Baltimore Ravens interception by Ed Reed leads to an awesome brawl. I am starting to sense that these two teams don’t get along. Maybe we should take a quick break, talk things out, then get back to the game after everyone has apologized to each other.
6:42: Subway uses a commercial spot to honor Jared for not being fat for 15 years. He appreciates it, I’m sure, but would probably prefer that they gave him something besides Subway to eat.
7:31: Kickoff for the second half is returned 109 yards for a Ravens’ touchdown. I now will spend the next 15 minutes wondering if I could even run 109 yards. 28-6 Ravens.
7:37: Extended silence from the announcers while they show that lights have gone out in the ceiling. One player is shown yelling at the lights. I’m surprised, but it didn’t seem to work.
7:41: A sideline reporter is telling us that the power is out. It was a very in-depth investigative report.
7:44: CBS sends it to the studio. They confirm that the lights are out. So, to summarized, the lights are out.
7:49: The lights are, according to the studio, still out. According to them, this makes it darker inside and will make the game more difficult. When I was a kid, I knew people who had glow in the dark Nerf footballs. The NFL should look into getting those.
7:52: The sideline reporter spoke to the players. It turns out that they aren’t afraid of the dark, so that’s a relief.
7:59: When the lights come back on, the studio analysts say the game will start again. That is the decision I would make if I were in charge of the game.
9:04: Kaepernick runs for a San Francisco touchdown. They go for a two-point conversion. If you get points for throwing the ball way over someone’s head, they succeeded. Since they don’t get points for that, It’s 31-29 Baltimore.
9:51: Toyota postgame show begins. Sponsored by Toyota.
Lessons learned from commercials tonight:
If you hire Century 21, the realtor will save your life or provide medical care, but only if you are looking for a house.
M&M’s would prefer that you do not eat them.
Parents don’t care about parties as long as you are drinking a delicious low calorie soda.
Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson cannot save the world from aliens, get cats out of a tree, or stop lions from mauling people without having a glass of milk first.
The Volkswagen makes people speak like Jamaicans. Weird product feature there.
Taco Bell makes old people do things like stupid youths.
Trucks are great for farmers.
Try applying original thinking the next time you’re watching a TV show or commercials. Just how much is going on that is silly or absurd or random?
It’s Valentine’s Day again, and you know what that means. This is one of those holidays with certain expectations, and it can cause great distress and disappointment in the relationship if those expectations aren’t met. Let’s take a lighter look at that…
If you’re a man with a wife or girlfriend, you’re typically expected to buy her a nice (sappy) card, give her chocolates and roses (which are inconveniently greatly inflated in price during February), and take her on a romantic date. These aren’t all bad things. I’m not anti-Valentine’s Day or anything like that. It’s good to show appreciation to your significant other, and we tend to take our loved ones for granted. I don’t particularly like the idea of it being “forced” on a certain day, but it’s a good reminder.
So the woman in the relationship gets showered with nice stuff, like she deserves, because we cherish her. What are the expectations going the other way? Well, guys typically get a card, which may not mean as much as it would to a woman. Now before you accuse me of being selfish, it’s not about that. I don’t care about getting more gifts. I just wonder who created these expectations and how many people are aware of how it is. Why are they this way? That topic is beyond the scope of this discussion, but it’s a good thinking exercise if you’re interested.
Maybe we should start some new traditions, for the guys. What kind of affordable stuff would guys want to receive every year and which would also make them feel loved and appreciated? (That “affordable” modifier limits the ideas, so no monster trucks or flamethrowers or tanks. But we need to be practical, I suppose.) For starters, how about cheese dip? Either homemade or Stoby’s cheese dip would suffice (plus no comments about how it’s not healthy or that a tub of cheese dip is not a meal by itself). Bacon should probably be included in this. Maybe chicken-fried bacon for dipping in the cheese dip? Just imagining that probably makes you gain weight…
I figure most guys would like a time of playing video games, since that time typically gets dramatically reduced when in a relationship (and more when married and even more when you have children). This may not seem practical, since the day is about quality time in the relationship, and that’s fair. It could be applied the next day. Or the woman could join him in the games, if they can find something they both enjoy. That would probably count as quality time, to him anyway.
These ideas might not fly, but that’s okay. I can dream, right? 🙂 If you have any ideas, I’m open to suggestions. (Your comments can be anonymous if you’re scared of getting in trouble for speaking out on this.)
Buffet o' Blog 