research shows pickles will kill you

We’ve discussed here before the fact that pickles are evil.  We’ve even offered proof, yet some of you stubbornly resist the facts.  Well, here’s further evidence, which I stumbled across recently.

An important scientific study was conducted around 1875, when pickles were starting to gain more acceptance in mainstream society.  Certain intellectual people knew this must be the work of the devil, trying to turn people into evil zombies.  So these smart important scientists conducted some research into the long-term effects of pickles.  There were 5011 people who ate pickles and had their life observed, to see what kind of effects the pickles had.  Much to everyone’s chagrin, all these people DIED!

So there you have it — conclusive proof that IF YOU EAT PICKLES, YOU WILL DIE! That’s just not something you want to mess around with!

Feel free to argue if you must, but facts are facts…

how the Grand Canyon formed

I saw a TV show on the History Channel that explained how the Grand Canyon was formed.  They said that many billions of years ago, that area was a massive mountain range, with peaks higher than the Himalaya Mountains.  I can believe that, at least the mountain part.  But then the story went in an unexpected direction.

These mountains were covered by the ocean at least 8 times.  I can easily believe they were at least once, but what do I know?  But then the mountain range flattened out, into flatlands.  There were no mountains, no valleys, and no canyons.   Then the land rose up, kinda like how mountains are formed from plate tectonics, but it didn’t create mountains — all the land rose up in that area.  (Can you picture that?   And can you believe that?)

To get the canyon-forming process under way, there was a giant lake, and it overflowed.   That’s what formed the Colorado River.   The lake is long gone, but the river still flows (obviously).  And over the past 5.5 million years, the water carved out the Grand Canyon.

Now you know.  Or well, you know what some scientists think happened.  The question is, are they right?  Parts of the story are believable, although I’m having trouble with the whole area of land rising evenly.  But either way, it’s interesting to think about.

I like watching these types of shows, because it challenges how I think.  It also gives me ideas on how to create my own Grand Canyon, so I can have a great view like that and make millions of dollars from tourism.  I’ll need to speed up the process, plus extend my life for a few years.   But I already plan to live forever — so far so good!  🙂

Anyway, back to reality, let me make a serious point (if the editor-at-large will allow that).   If the Grand Canyon was covered by ocean at least 8 times, who is to say it shouldn’t ever happen again?  And those things don’t just happen randomly.  There had to be some sort of… um… climate change… to cause such a massive event.   And probably not one or two degrees.  I’m just saying…

caption contest, martial arts fighting

This week we’ve got an exciting caption contest planned.  It’s an action-packed scene, full of fighting.   I don’t know if this is some kind of martial arts training exercise or an actual fight, but it looks like one guy is throwin’ the smack down!

As always, you get to write a funny caption for this picture, and it can be from any perspective: the fighters (any of them), an onlooker, an analyst, or whatever.  Or you can make a joke or pun about it.  Or you can write a backstory to give it context.  Or you can fit it into current world events.   Be creative.  Just make it funny and keep it clean.

(To see the other caption contests, click on the “Say What?” category in the sidebar.)

Happy New Year, 2010

Well, a new year is upon us.  So far it feels a lot like last year.  But it’ll be better.  Well, I don’t know that all things will be better, but here at Buffet o’ Blog we have plans to make your experience here better than ever.  And that should be worth something.  🙂

For a few minutes around midnight, when it officially became 2010, I tuned in to the Dick Clark new years countdown special on ABC.  Right after it happened, they went live to a female broadcaster in the middle of Times Square, who gave her first impression of the new year and all the celebrations going on.  Her response?  “I’m crying.  I feel like a little girl.”  Really?  I wonder how much she’s getting paid for that kind of insight…  Not to be critical, but I think I could’ve come up with something better than that… (and I write for free!)

And then there were people singing “Auld Lang Syne”.  I don’t know all the lyrics, but there’s something about “should old acquaintances be forgot and never brought to mind”.  I don’t get it.  Why is there a song about forgetting people?  I mean, if they did something bad to you, then it would be good to forget, but why forget old acquaintances just because it’s a new year?  Maybe I should write a new song for new years, talking about starting the year fresh, with new years resolutions, and planning to keep those resolutions longer than a few weeks this time.  🙂