Now that Pluto is not a planet, I should get credit for that question I missed back in grade school when I put 8!

Also, since they can just change the number of planets like that, a few of us took a vote during our lunch consortium and redefined the term obesity.  Now you have to weigh at least 450 pounds to be considered obese.  So what if most of the “professionals” weren’t there — apparently it didn’t matter to this group of astronomers and yet it “counts”.  So ours counts too!

Maybe we’ll have to vote on a few other things, too…  Let’s see, for starters, what about :

• shorten the work week to 32 hours.
• change the food groups to something more realistic (search for our post called “the food groups”).
• which TV channels in our cable package get “voted off” and what we get to replace them with.
• all work meetings over 30 minutes must supply cookies.

I’m sure there’s a lot more issues we can vote on.  Who knew it was so easy to change things?  I foresee a lot of similar votes to make the world a better place.

This morning I had freshly baked chocolate chip cookies for breakfast.  That’s a great start to a day!  And it’s Friday!  And of course I had milk with my cookies.  Isn’t it strange that we like baby cow drink?  And that it goes so well with cookies?

I saw this on a website when I was researching return codes in programs :

Setting mx to zero is equivalent to setting mx to one.

Uhh…  If your program makes 0 = 1, wouldn’t that disrupt the laws of mathematics and physics?  Would this signal the end of the world as we know it?  Perhaps this is how you write a software emulation of bending the space-time fabric and making wormholes and time travel possible…

Okay, some of you may be thinking this speculation is absurd.  But if you just dismiss it and never follow these suspicious leads, you’ll never get to catch the great conspiracies.  I know, there’s no proof, but a great conspiracy is unprovable.

Some of the scientists in our resident R&D department have been conducting their own independent research lately, and they’ve come up with a great new product.  It’s a new shampoo just for men.  Now before you tune out because this sounds boring and mundane, hear me out.  This is no ordinary shampoo.  Let me explain.

Our new 3-in-1 shampoo plus conditioner is specially formulated, strong enough for a man, and pH-balanced for men.  (Yes, men have pH-balances, too, but nobody seems to care.)  This incredible new shampoo has been fortified with 12 essential vitamins and minerals, and is part of a healthy shower.  It’s not yet FDA-approved to be part of a healthy breakfast, but recent tests has proven that laboratory rats prefer the taste of it 5-to-1 compared to the national leading brand.  Why would it be tasty?  We have a secret ingredient.  The shampoo has been carefully formulated based on a cocoa butter extract.  I realize a few other brands have said this, but ours is made from actual cocoa beans and leaves.  (And they are fresh — hand-collected every morning by Juan Valdez and his trusty goat.)

The cocoa has multiple positive effects, which makes this product truly revolutionary.  It makes it quite tasty, if I may say so myself.  And it gives you a small caffeine boost to help you get going in the morning (even when used just as a shampoo, because it soaks in).  But here’s the innovative part — it gives your hair a scent that has its foundations in chocolate.  Your hair won’t directly smell like chocolate, but it’s close enough that women will get excited when they smell it.  They may not realize that it is related to chocolate, but they will know it smells good.  And so this gives you bonus “points” with your woman (or helps you draw women if you’re single).  Who wouldn’t want that?

We will begin taking orders soon.  And be sure to watch for our new cocoa-based mouthwash, which will freshen your breath and also draw women toward your mouth.