Tag: rambling

research shows pickles will kill you

We’ve discussed here before the fact that pickles are evil.  We’ve even offered proof, yet some of you stubbornly resist the facts.  Well, here’s further evidence, which I stumbled across recently.

An important scientific study was conducted around 1875, when pickles were starting to gain more acceptance in mainstream society.  Certain intellectual people knew this must be the work of the devil, trying to turn people into evil zombies.  So these smart important scientists conducted some research into the long-term effects of pickles.  There were 5011 people who ate pickles and had their life observed, to see what kind of effects the pickles had.  Much to everyone’s chagrin, all these people DIED!

So there you have it — conclusive proof that IF YOU EAT PICKLES, YOU WILL DIE! That’s just not something you want to mess around with!

Feel free to argue if you must, but facts are facts…

Do you know what pancakes know?

I’ve noticed that a lot of the recent comment spam here has been in Russian.  I don’t speak Russian, so it’s all Greek to me.  But I was curious what they were promoting, so I copied one comment and pasted it into Yahoo’s Babel Fish translation service, and it returned this:

To ??? simply!  Everyone, pancake, all knows, except me

For some context, this was a comment on the caption contest featuring weird robot costumes.  Although I’m not sure if that really adds context, but I’ll make it fit.  Let’s see…  Were they calling us “pancake”? pancakes Surely not.  That makes absolutely no sense.  The interpretation didn’t give us the full meaning, so we must apply some interpolation.   Given the context of the caption contest, perhaps they meant everyone knows what is going on in that picture, except them.   That is, even pancakes know what’s going on.  Man, it must be tough to be dumber than a stack of flapjacks.   I reckon that’s why they’re in the spam business…

lots of Easter eggs

One of my neighbors put out a LOT of plastic Easter eggs on Easter morning, as evidenced by this picture.

Easter Eggs everywhere (click for larger image)
Easter Eggs everywhere (click for larger image)

Now, I don’t have kids, but I do have some memories from my childhood of hunting Easter eggs, and it was never this easy.  To me, this isn’t even hunting or finding — it’s just picking them up.  What sense of accomplishment is that?  You might as well just throw the eggs at them.  🙂

I have a younger brother, so eventually I got to help hide the eggs for him, and I never made it that easy on him.  In fact, sometimes I’d make it hard for him to find them all.  Being challenged like that helps people develop diligence and thoroughness.  I’m sure my brother would thank me now if he realized how much that contributed to his development.  🙂  (Actually, he’d say he’s cool on his own and I had nothing to do with it, but that’s just because he refuses to give me any credit.)  🙂

viewer mail, issue #15

It is time for another issue of viewer mail.  (I really should do these more often; they’re fun.)  As always, these are actual search terms that brought people to this website, followed by my own leading brand of analysis, commentary, and rambling.

* buffets make people fat — Buffets don’t make people fat — people make people fat.   Actually, you make yourself fat.  But that’s not meant in a derogatory way.  I mean, if you want to be fat, then you have that option.  But let’s not blame buffets, or the “politically correct” crowd will try to ban them.  Besides, even if all-you-can-eat buffets went away, there would still be fat people.  It’s just a matter of semantics or somethin’…

pickles are evil* pickles diarrhea — I haven’t heard of such things, but I also don’t research it in any way, because pickles are evil.  Some have posited that eating pickles will turn you into a zombie (which probably could lead to diarrhea as your body tries to reject that).  I don’t think that’s completely proven yet, but some important people are working on it.  We’ll keep you updated.  But in the meantime, avoid pickles at all costs, unless you’re throwing them into the sun to destroy them.  That would be okay.  (FYI, there’s a very funny discussion on pickles at that link.)

* shampoo fraud conspiracy — I have no idea about this one…  Does anyone have any clue what this could be referring to?

* potassium nitrate side effects — Potassium nitrate is an interesting compound.  It is used in fertilizer, amateur rocket propellant, smoke bombs, food preservation (in old days), cigarettes, tree stump remover, the heat treatment of metals as a short-term rust inhibitor, the manufacturing of ice cream, toothpaste, and it’s one of the three ingredients in black powder.  So if you were to eat it, who knows what the side effects could be?  There’s a lot to choose from among that list.  But given those options, I don’t recommend eating it.

* burn calories poop — Well, just about any activity burns calories, even tapping your finger on your desk, so I reckon pooping would, too.  I did a quick search, and someone estimated the process burns between 19 and 70 calories.  I don’t know how scientific and accurate that is, but that site claims to be the #1 source for #2.

* can the sun be dangerous — Certainly!  In case you weren’t paying attention in science class, here’s a brief recap.  The sun has constant fusion, where hydrogen atoms fuse together to form helium atoms and release energy.  Or in other words, it’s a constant explosion.  So you don’t play with it!  IT IS NOT A TOY!  You wouldn’t want to put the sun in your pocket, because it would burn your butt.  Fortunately we’re 93 million miles from the sun, and Earth’s atmosphere refracts the direct sunbeams so it’s not instantly lethal.   But using a magnifying glass you can refocus the beams of sunlight and see just how dangerous it is — it creates fire.  So obviously it’s quite dangerous — sunlight plus curved glass creates fire.

That’s all the time we have for today.  I hope you learned something, or at least laughed.  (Laughing burns calories, y’know.  I’m not sure about learning, but it’s still good for you.)