the special days of July, pt 1

As we’ve done in previous months, we’re going to look at the special days and holidays of this month.  As usual, this is not a complete list — those can be found elsewhere.  But I guarantee you will not find another list like this one.  This is not a mere list, because we add our own unique commentary and analysis.  In other words, we try to make it more fun.  And you are welcome to add to the discussion in the comments section.

Let’s get started with the month-long celebrations and observances in July:

  • National Blueberry Month — Ah, food is a good way to get things started!  While just a blueberry by itself may not be too exciting, you can eat blueberry cobbler with vanilla ice cream together for this celebration.
  • National Ice Cream Month — Speaking of ice cream… This is a joyous celebration, indeed!  And it lasts the whole month!  So obviously you should eat as much ice cream as possible.  And remember, diets don’t apply during holidays.  🙂
  • National Hot Dog Month — Another food!  I’m liking July’s holidays, so far.  🙂  Hot dogs don’t get much hype and attention among adults, but they are still good.  You can boil them for a while, or microwave them if you’re in a hurry, but the best way is to grill them until they get burnt on the outside.  It’s also quite acceptable (and tasty) to cover your hot dog in chili or cheese dip (or both).
  • National Anti-Boredom Month — I don’t ever get bored, because I always have stuff to do.  🙂  But for those who occasionally feel bored, let me make a few suggestions.  First, you should visit this blog every day, to keep up with all the new, original randomness.  And you should browse through the archives here (including the comments, which add to the “community” feel).  This blog has been going for over two years, and there’s a lot of funny stuff here.  If you get tired of reading, notice the food-related celebrations this month.  I don’t ever get bored with eating!  And if you get full, play some video games — they’re a lot of fun, plus they sharpen your brain and reflexes and coordination.
  • Unlucky Month for weddings — What?  Don’t be ridiculous.  There’s no need for superstitions and curses and saying something is unlucky.  Weddings, like life, are what you make them to be.  And if something goes wrong during the wedding or the preparation, don’t get all surprised, because it happens to everyone.
  • National Baked Bean Month — Ah, beans, the musical fruit.  I’ve also heard that beans are good for your heart…  🙂
  • National Picnic Month — Picnics are a good time.  I don’t often hear of people going on picnics these days, because everyone is so busy, but it sure makes for a great break if you take it during lunch on a work day.  I like going out to the Arkansas River, at Toad Suck Park, as well as a few other places.  But it seems like every time my wife and I go on a picnic, it’s really windy that day.
  • National Recreation Month — With all the food holidays crammed into July, it’s a good time for an emphasis on recreation.  You may think of recreation as playing sports or going on a hiking / camping type trip, and those things are part of it.  But the official definition says, “Refreshment of one’s mind or body after work through activity that amuses or stimulates; play.”  So that could include video games, too.  🙂

Now let’s look at the week-long observations / celebrations:

  • July 15-21 — Hug Week — This is self-explanatory.

There should be more good weekly celebrations.  I could think of some things.  But I’ll get into that another time.  Now we’ll continue on to the individual day holidays / observations / celebrations:

  • 1 Creative Ice Cream Flavors Day — There’s a lot of potential with this day!  My favorite blend (at the moment) is sweet cream ice cream with crumbled Oreos and graham cracker crumbs in it (from Cold Stone Creamery).  Mmm…  Since this holiday is just one day, you might have to sample several different creative flavors.
  • 1 International Joke Day — On this day, you tell jokes all day.  This is especially fun during what are normally serious business meetings.  To get things started, I’ll tell a joke:  At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings.  Little Johnny, a child in the Kindergarten class, seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam’s ribs.  Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and said, Johnny what is the matter?  Little Johnny responded, “I have a pain in my side.  I think I’m going to have a wife.”
  • 2 I Forgot Day — I don’t know what this holiday is supposed to be about (and I’m not going to research it), so let’s look at it this way: this day, you can use “I forgot” as a valid excuse.  Like if someone doesn’t like practical jokes, you can cover their desk with foil or put a mudhole in their cubicle, and then just say you forgot they don’t like practical jokes.
  • 2 World UFO Day — Why do UFOs get a holiday?  It hasn’t even been definitively proven that they exist!
  • 3 Compliment Your Mirror Day — Why would you compliment your mirror?  Perhaps this is someone’s not-so-subtle attempt at creating a holiday where you can compliment yourself as you look in the mirror.  But I’m not complimenting my mirror — I think it has a grudge against me, because it always makes me look worse than I really do.
  • 3 Disobedience Day — This could easily be taken too far, so keep it under control.  That is, don’t do anything illegal.  You may be thinking this takes all the fun out of it, but there are still options.  For example, I’m thinking this day I’ll disobey the teachings of health experts about eating healthy.
  • 3 Stay out of the Sun Day — That means you can’t even walk in to work from your car, so you’ll just have to stay home.  Even if it’s cloudy, you have to stay home, because the sun’s UV rays go through clouds.  You’ll have to find ways to entertain yourself and pass the time inside, like by playing video games, eating, and sleeping.  🙂

Well, this list is getting long, so I’m going to continue it in the next post.   Click here to search for the other entries for July.

the special days of June, pt 2

Now we’re going to continue our look at the special days / holidays / celebrations / observations of June.  These are the daily holidays.

1 Dare Day — I dare you to read this blog every day for a month and then try to truthfully tell me it’s not funny.  🙂

1 Flip a Coin Day — Uhh, why is this a holiday?

2 National Bubba Day — Why do people named Bubba get their own holiday?  I should get my own holiday.  It could be called National Beppo Day.  🙂

2 National Rocky Road Day — I’m going to assume this is talking about ice cream and not bumpy pavement.

3 Egg Day — You can make a number of good meals with eggs, like omelets, cakes, cookies, etc.  Or you can just cook them and have some bacon and/or sausage on the side, as part of a balanced breakfast.  🙂

4 Cheese Day — Ah, the power of cheese!  You may think that’s just some gimmicky promotional phrase for commercials, but think about it — cheese makes the world a better place.  And cheese can make your day better.  In fact, today I had lunch at my favorite restaurant and was treated to a free large cheese dip.  It certainly made the day better.  🙂

4 First Ford Made — This isn’t really a holiday, but more of a remembrance.  The first operational car was made in 1896.  Can you imagine life without vehicles?

4 Applesauce Cake Day — What?  I’ve never heard of an applesauce cake.  Have you ever had one?  Hopefully it’s not just a cake made with applesauce.  If so, then it doesn’t deserve its own holiday.

4 Hug Your Cat Day — If you don’t have a cat, I guess you’re just left out of this one.  Although June is adopt-a-cat month…

4 Old Maid’s Day — This is a day for the single ladies who aren’t getting any younger.  Here’s to all the fair maidens who are still waiting on Mr. Right.  Although, is a fair maiden the same as an old maid?  I don’t think I should continue this discussion…  🙂

5 World Environment Day — Today you should be thankful that we have an environment in this world, and that it’s habitable.  We take it for granted, but we have the best environment among all the other planets in our solar system.  Earth’s environment is much better than Mars.  We’ve discussed this before, and living on Mars would be worse than you expect.

6 National Doughnut Day — This is a good reason for a holiday.  Donuts are scrumptious.  I prefer the chocolate-filled variety.  Also worth mentioning is the infamous Krispy Kreme doughnuts, particularly right after the come off the assembly line.  They almost melt in your mouth when they’re still hot and fresh.  Mmm…

6 National Gardening Exercise Day — One website that listed this holiday suggested you “get out and exercise with your plants”.  WHAT?  Who came up with that?  This is just silly.

7 National Chocolate Ice Cream Day — Now we’re back to a good holiday.  I don’t have to tell you how good chocolate ice cream is.  And if all you have is vanilla ice cream, you can get some Oreos and crumble them up in there, or add Hershey’s syrup to it, or both.  My research has proven that all three together is awesome.

8 Name Your Poison Day — Some people use this phrase to ask how you’d like to die.  Personally, I plan to live forever.  (So far, so good!)  So I’m not participating in this holiday at all.

10 Iced Tea Day — It’s already National Iced Tea Month, so I don’t know why we need an individual day for it.  If you’re already drinking extra tea for the month holiday, I guess you can drink even more tea on this day.  Just don’t stray too far from a bathroom if you’re drinking 2 to 3 times your normal amount of tea.

12 Red Rose Day — Again, this is already Rose Month, which I don’t care about.  But if you want to buy some red roses this day for your wife/girlfriend, you might could get a good deal on them (as opposed to February, when the price is run up because of Valentine’s Day).

13 Blame Someone Else Day — This holiday is always the first Friday the 13th of the year, so it’s not always in June.  But this year it is, so here goes.  I don’t think this needs to be a holiday, because so many people already do this on a regular basis, and it’s destroying our country.  Folks need to learn to take personal responsibility, especially our politicians.

15 Smile Power Day — Smiling is good for you.  And it helps those around you, too.  But I should add a caveat — some people say it’s easier to smile than to frown, which may be true, but it’s not the whole story — it’s actually easier to look like you don’t care.  🙂  But really, smiling is healthy for you, along with laughing.  That’s why this blog exists.

This is getting long, so I’m going to finish this in the next post.  Click here to search for the other entries for June.

viewer mail, issue #10

It’s time for another installment of viewer mail!  Let’s open up the ol’ mailbag.  As always, we are taking actual search terms used to find this site, and/or questions submitted via the “Contact Us” form on the homepage.  Then we add our unique analysis and commentary, and it’s always a good time.  Let’s begin…

  • arby’s all you can eat — Capital idea!  Those beef ‘n cheddar melts are good, and having an unlimited supply of those and Arby’s curly fries would be most excellent!  I posited this idea to the Buffet o’ Blog staff, and Turtle Dundee said, “Arby’s all you can eat would be made of pure awesome, and would result in the eating of every cow in Texas and every curly potato in Idaho.”  Someone should suggest this to the higher powers at Arby’s.
  • bear attackingturn homemade bread into a bear — I… I… I don’t know what to say.  (But that’s never stopped me.)  For one, I don’t think it’s possible, at least according to the current laws of physics.  Second, WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO DO THIS?  Bread is a good thing (while still fresh) — you can make sammiches and burgers with it, and you can cover it with gravy.  Bears will kill you.  Now, I suppose that bears are edible, if you trim away much fat and then tenderize/boil the meat for many hours, but the bread is already food, so why do you want to do this?  The only thing I can think of is if you’re going to buy all the sliced bread you can and then create an army of bears to conquer the world.  But I’d rather you not do that.
  • why does mexican food cause headache — It does?!?  Since when?  If this is happening to you, then either you’ve got some really bad Mexican food or you’re allergic to it.  My own research* has revealed that Mexican food makes you feel better.  (* I eat Mexican food at least once per week, so I have extensively researched this one!)  So if you’re getting a headache every time, you need to switch restaurants.  Because there’s nothing inherently wrong with cheese enchiladas, chicken burritos, chicken tacos, chile rellenos, tostadas, and cheese dip.  I would eat this kind of food nearly every day if I still had a metabolism…
  • dealing with too much gas — Speaking of Mexican food…  🙂  This happens to us all, doesn’t it?  Sometimes you just have a lot of flatulence.  Well, since the issue is that there is a lot of gaseous pressure inside you, the only way to resolve it is to let it out.  (Now wasn’t that simple?)  I know, sometimes you’re in a public place and some people get offended way too easily, but you have to ask yourself — would you rather be uncomfortable or would you rather they be uncomfortable?  For me, the decision is easy to make.
  • throwing pies — Does this ever happen anymore?  If it does, I never see it.  I have seen it happen a bunch on The Three Stooges, and it always looked like a good time.  Even those aristocratic type people would get involved, once they got past their initial default offendedness.  I think there should be a place where this is the norm, as I have written about before.
  • can ice cream cure headaches? — I’ve never heard that it does, but it makes the pain easier to bear.  Perhaps I should research this one…
  • how to build a billion dollar palace — This one’s easy — get a billion dollars!  🙂  Really, that’s what it’s going to take, or at least close to a billion dollars.  You aren’t going to build one of those by hand.  And if you have a billion dollars, builders and architects will build just about anything you can dream of.  So your question has a really simple answer.  Just don’t ask me how to get a billion dollars, because I’m still researching that one.
  • how can someone just leave — This is another really easy one.  Just watch…