Some of the scientists in our resident R&D department have been conducting their own independent research lately, and they’ve come up with a great new product. It’s a new shampoo just for men. Now before you tune out because this sounds boring and mundane, hear me out. This is no ordinary shampoo. Let me explain.
Our new 3-in-1 shampoo plus conditioner is specially formulated, strong enough for a man, and pH-balanced for men. (Yes, men have pH-balances, too, but nobody seems to care.) This incredible new shampoo has been fortified with 12 essential vitamins and minerals, and is part of a healthy shower. It’s not yet FDA-approved to be part of a healthy breakfast, but recent tests has proven that laboratory rats prefer the taste of it 5-to-1 compared to the national leading brand. Why would it be tasty? We have a secret ingredient. The shampoo has been carefully formulated based on a cocoa butter extract. I realize a few other brands have said this, but ours is made from actual cocoa beans and leaves. (And they are fresh — hand-collected every morning by Juan Valdez and his trusty goat.)
The cocoa has multiple positive effects, which makes this product truly revolutionary. It makes it quite tasty, if I may say so myself. And it gives you a small caffeine boost to help you get going in the morning (even when used just as a shampoo, because it soaks in). But here’s the innovative part — it gives your hair a scent that has its foundations in chocolate. Your hair won’t directly smell like chocolate, but it’s close enough that women will get excited when they smell it. They may not realize that it is related to chocolate, but they will know it smells good. And so this gives you bonus “points” with your woman (or helps you draw women if you’re single). Who wouldn’t want that?
We will begin taking orders soon. And be sure to watch for our new cocoa-based mouthwash, which will freshen your breath and also draw women toward your mouth.
Buffet o' Blog 