quotes from cartoons, pt. 3

Today we’ll continue our series of quotes from cartoons.  I hope you’re enjoying this as much as I am.  These bring back so many great memories, besides making me laugh.  And laughing is fun — you should never forget that.  Plus it’s healthy — laughter does good like medicine, some say.  Now with the preliminary intro paragraph written, let’s get to the actual quotes :

I am merely a vessel through which genius flows. ~ Homer Simpson

I didn’t do it, nobody saw me do it, you can’t prove anything. ~ Bart Simpson

Sometimes the only way you can feel good about yourself is by making someone else look bad.  And I’m tired of making other people feel good about themselves. ~ Homer Simpson

You want the truth?  You can’t handle the truth.  No truth-handler, you.  I deride your truth-handling abilities. ~ Sideshow Bob, from The Simpsons

The three little sentences that will get you through life:
1- Cover for me.
2- Oh, good idea, Boss!
3- It was like that when I got here. ~ Homer Simpson

Aww… isn’t that cute… BUT IT’S WRONG!!! ~ from 2 Stupid Dogs

We all make mistakes; just make that your last. ~ Space Ghost

I hate oatmeal cookies, they make me go. ~ Moltar

Bjork: I have to go to the toilet.
Space Ghost: You do remember the difference between the toilet and the sofa, right?
Bjork: I think so.
Space Ghost: And remember how angry I got…
Bjork: It smells like… bad eggs…
Space Ghost: Well, that’s what happens when you boil the cushions of the couch you’ve been urinating on.
~ Space Ghost Coast to Coast

Meltdown is just a buzzword.  We call it unrequested fission surplus. ~ Mr. Burns, on the Simpsons

Rocky: We’ve got to THINK!
Bullwinkle: This is no time to take up a new hobby.

That makes me very angry. ~ Droopy

I’m a rambling idiot, rambling everywhere; I’m a rambling idiot, in my underwear. ~ Brak

Say yer prayers, ya flea-bitten’ varmint. ~ Yosemite Sam

You realize, of course, that this means war. ~ Bugs Bunny

Nothing spoils the taste of peanut butter quite like unrequited love. ~ Charlie Brown

On the moon, the weekend has advanced beyond your wildest dreams.  Weekends now take up the entire week, and jobs have been phased out accordingly. ~ Inignot, from Aqua Teen Hunger Force

One egg left!  For a nutritious breakfast, two eggs is the minimum requirement, and I have but one, which is much less than two, and it is two that I need.  Curses!  I must immediately purchase some eggs, for I need to have breakfast, and without the eggs, I cannot have the breakfast that I so require! ~ Mojo Jojo

Getting an inch of snow is like winning 10 cents in the lottery. ~ Calvin

It seems like once people grow up, they have no idea what’s cool. ~ Calvin

Don’t you hate it when your boogers freeze? ~ Calvin

As a math atheist, I should be excused from this. ~ Calvin

The sky turns red as the sun sets because all the oxygen in the atmosphere is catching fire.  The sun sets in the west.  In Arizona actually, near Flagstaff.  That’s why the rocks there are so red.  People don’t get burned up because the sun goes out as it sets.  That’s why it’s dark at night.  The sun doesn’t crush the whole state when it lands.  Hold a quarter up.  See, the sun’s just about the same size. ~ Calvin’s dad

Me Grimlock no nice Dino, me bash brains. ~ Grimlock, The Transformers

Megatron: I would have waited an eternity for this.  It’s over Prime. ~ Transformers, The Movie

Quintesson: You are the Autobot called Kup.  You are Cybertron’s chief of security.
Kup: Nah, my name’s Teaspoon, and I’m Cybertron’s chief dishwasher.
~ Transformers

You know gang, when you’re a superhero, you never know where the day will take you.  You may find yourself halfway around the world in the shark-infested waters of true-to-life living.  Or you may find yourself going down to the store for a lozenge.  You can’t know, can you?  No!  You gotta ride that wave, you gotta suck that lozenge!  ‘Cause if you don’t, who will? ~ The Tick

I don’t know the meaning of the word surrender!  I mean, I know it, I’m not dumb… just not in this context. ~ The Tick

I have no respect for a man who draws a weapon on one who has none. ~ Rurouni Kenshin

Space.  It seems to go on and on forever.  But then you get to the end and a gorilla starts throwing barrels at you. ~ Fry, from Futurama

A good captain needs abilities like boldness, daring and a good velour uniform. ~ Captain Zapp Brannigan, from Futurama

Who are you, and why should I care? ~ Bender, from Futurama

Cubert J. Farnsworth: Your explanations are pure weapons grade balognium.  It’s all impossible.
Professor Hubert Farnsworth: Nothing is impossible.  Not if you can imagine it.  That’s what being is a scientist is all about.
~ from Futurama

“I think you’re feeling the Christmas Spirit, Skeletor.  It makes you feel good.”
“Well, I don’t like to feel good!  I like to feel evil!  Ohhh!”
“Don’t worry, Skeletor…  Christmas only comes once a year.”
~ He-Man, Skeletor, and She-Ra in the He-Man and She-Ra Christmas Special

Mall Santa: Ho ho ho!  And what can I bring you?
Stewie Griffin: Oh, a peace offering, is it?  Very well…  What say you trim those gin-soaked whiskers and bring me some plutonium?
Mall Santa: Well, can you be a good boy, hmmm?
Stewie Griffin: Your inquiry intrigues me.  Can any of us be a “good boy?”  Are our primal urges innate or the result of the choices we make?
Mall Santa: OK, wrap it up, kid.
Stewie Griffin: All right, Kringle, if the reward is plutonium, then your wager is accepted.  I will be…”nice”.
~ Family Guy

Here’s a link to bring up the other posts in the series.  It’s all good…  🙂

solving global warming with pollution

Global warming is a potentially big problem, as you may have heard.  We’re releasing way too much pollution into the atmosphere.  But here’s the random part — some scientists are suggesting we put even more pollution in the atmosphere.  Yep, you read that right.  Check it out :

If the sun warms the Earth too dangerously, the time may come to draw the shade. The “shade” would be a layer of pollution deliberately spewed into the atmosphere to help cool the planet. This over-the-top idea comes from prominent scientists, among them a Nobel laureate. … The Nobel Prize-winning scientist who first made the proposal is himself “not enthusiastic about it.”

So even the guy who suggested it doesn’t like the idea…  so why is this even getting press?  If I come up with some stupid idea, will newspapers around the world print it?  The article has even more silliness, though :

“If human beings take it upon themselves to carry out something as massive and drastic as this, we need to be absolutely sure there are no side effects,” Pachauri said.

Philip Clapp, a veteran campaigner for emissions controls to curb warming, also sounded a nervous note, saying, “We are already engaged in an uncontrolled experiment by injecting greenhouse gases into the atmosphere.”

What?!?  They’ve already injected greenhouse gases in the atmosphere?!?  Isn’t that part of our problem?  And who authorized this “uncontrolled experiment”?  And now they want to do something similar again?  I see some flaws in the slaw with this “plan” they have.  Besides, this wouldn’t be a permanent solution — it would have to be repeated over and over again :

A massive dissemination of pollutants would be needed every year or two, as the sulfates precipitate from the atmosphere in acid rain.

I’d rather not increase the amount of acid rain, especially by people intentionally putting pollutants in the atmosphere.  Who’s coming up with these crazy ideas?

There’s got to be some better solutions to solving global warming than polluting the air even more…  So if any of you important scientists out there have any suggestions, speak up.

getting back to work

It’s now 2007 and things are getting back to normal after the Christmas holiday season.  Most of us are back at work, going through hundreds of e-mails and seeing what went wrong while we were out.  This got me to thinking that after a long break (like a week or more), companies should offer a plan to help you ease back into the normal workflow.  All those consecutive days off gets you accustomed to sleeping in and not working, then jumping headfirst back into the normal work routine is too harsh an adjustment.  We should be allowed to come in around 10:00 for a few days, then 9:00, and then 8:30 or so.  And we should get to take a two hour lunch during this time.  That would really help.  So to whoever is reading this that has such influence at your company, make it so.  Your employees would thank you, and it would boost morale quite a bit.  And your employees would brag to their friends about it, which would be great publicity for your company.

New Year’s Resolutions, 2007

It’s now the time of the year that most people make New Year’s Resolutions.  I am no different, in this tradition.  I plan to lose weight this year.  Yep, gonna drop those extra pounds to get in shape.  However, I also typically keep the tradition of not meeting my resolution of losing weight.  So this year I’ve decided to change things up.

Studies show that it’s not mentally healthy to make resolutions and not keep them.  This leads to self-delusion and cognitive dilution and such things.  And I don’t like being diluted.  So this year, instead of making a resolution that I’m not gonna keep anyway, I’m gonna set more realistic goals.  This year, I plan to gain 30 pounds.  Just the thought of this goal instills me with confidence and excitement.  I won’t be drudging through the first few weeks of the year, struggling to keep my new resolution.  I anticipate maintaining a high level of intensity and duration for this goal.  This year, I’m going to keep my New Year’s Resolution!

If any of you reading this have any New Year’s Resolutions that will make you happier, feel free to share.  We should all be happier and laugh more.

Oh, yeah, there’s one more resolution — 2007 will be the best year of Buffet o’ Blog ever.  There will be more exclusive, original content than you can shake a stick at, and the quality of the humor and randomness will be raised to an even higher standard.  You just wait and see…  It’s gonna be great!