You may know that the moon’s gravity creates high tides on Earth, but did you know this happens not only on the side of the Earth the moon is on, but also on the opposite side?  Why is that?  I discussed this unusual phenomenon with an important scientist, and he concluded there is a second moon, which is hidden from our view.  (You heard it here first!)  We aren’t sure why there’s a second moon, nor why it is cloaked from our view, but obviously it means there’s some treachery afoot.

So, somehow, someone has created a second moon (perhaps like a Death Star) for nefarious purposes.  Since it orbits exactly opposite of the known moon, it stands to reason that they are in league with each other.  We’ve known for a while that the moon is broken, but we didn’t know why.  Well, perhaps some aliens were installing moon bases on it, which got it off course.  Perhaps their highly-advanced technology skews the dispersion of gravity from it.  Whatever the exact explanation is, this is bad.

With two moons, these aliens are able to spy on us at all times.  This can’t be a good thing, either.  Something must be done.  We need to create a Moon Reclamation Task Force.  I will lead this organization, since I first discovered this conspiracy theory.  I’ll need a few trusty minions to carry out top-secret research, and I’ll need billions of dollars in government grants to fund our covert operations.  Leave a comment on this post if you wish to apply for a position.

Stay tuned to this blog for any breaking developments in this story.

Tomorrow is the 4th of July, and as you probably know, this means fireworks.  They’re one of the greatest inventions — think about it, you buy these little packages that explode with various colors, patterns, and sounds.  They’re great!

Yesterday some of the Buffet o’ Blog staff were discussing how we’d like to celebrate with fireworks this year, and since the big fireworks extravaganza is done by all kinds of people, we had a different idea.  We want to buy an entire fireworks stand.  Then we’d take the long strings of Black Cat firecrackers and run them along the floor and tables.  Then from a safe distance, we’d light it, and set off everything in the whole fireworks stand at once.  You’d have groups of Roman candles firing at the same time, bottle rockets going everywhere, and there would be stacks of the big, fancy fireworks going off simultaneously.  It would be a smorgasbord of colors, patterns, and sounds, all manifested in multiple explosions.  It would be so cool!

Unfortunately, this isn’t in the budget for this year, so we’ll have to use our imagination.  But perhaps some year we can pull this off and post a video of it.