People have varied tastes in the humor they appreciate, so it’s near impossible to guarantee what will make everyone laugh.  For example, there are actually some people who don’t find The 3 Stooges funny.  Go figure!  Anyway, here’s some funny, random quotes that, under normal circumstances, should make you laugh.  Even if you don’t laugh outloud or chuckle softly, perhaps you’ll at least be amused somewhat.  If none of those apply to you after finishing this post, perhaps you should consult a humorologist.  Don’t take your laughing too lightly.  It’s important that you laugh on a regular basis.  Now, on to the quotes!

People like lists. VH1 could count down the top 50 worst songs of all time, and people would watch to the bitter end. ~ Tom Merritt

It is better to have loved and lost than never to have lost at all. ~ Lester “Roadhog” Moran

Saying something over and over again doesn’t make it true — unless, of course, you’re saying, “I’m obnoxious and repetitive.” ~ kremben

I treat people as if they were telephones.  If I meet somebody who I don’t think likes me, I say to myself, “Bob, this one’s temporarily out of order.”  You know.  Don’t break the connection.  Just hang up and try again. ~ What About Bob?

Boy, is my wife going to be surprised!  She always wanted to repaint the kitchen in a nice olive color, so while she’s away on business, I’m going to get busy with these fresh new rollers and gallons of black paint. ~ Brad Simanek

Give a man a piece of working code and you solve his problem.  Teach a man to write code and you give him a lifetime of new problems.

God never gives us more than we can handle.  Luckily, though, Bubba’s Big Boy Buffet does.

We need to know who wrote the Declaration of Independence and when to use an apostrophe in its, but more than that we need to know how to love to learn and how to totally entertain people at cocktail parties.  Do you think folks who use apostrophes right are the hit of cocktail parties?  Nope.  It’s those of us who can hypnotize chickens, every time.

I still think one of mankind’s greatest inventions is that little brown strip that appears in the bottom of my underwear to tell me when it’s time to wash them. ~ Michael F.

Somehow it’s been close to two months since our last installment of quotes from cartoons.  How did that happen?!?  I have been WAY too busy with work and stuff.  Well, there’s no time like the present, they say (but a couple of minutes ago probably bore a “striking” similarity).  Here’s some more quotes from various cartoons, which should bring back some good memories.  (If not, then you need to start watching cartoons and making those memories!)  Remember that saying them out loud in character and context (if you know it) makes it even more fun, especially if you’re in a public place and there’s people around.  Now let’s get to the quotes.  It’s in the same format as last time : I ramble on for a paragraph, then list a bunch of funny quotes.  🙂  Here goes…

Hey buddy!  Hey buddy!  Heeeeeeey BUDDY!  What do ya know? ~ Brak

I have a giant brain that is able to reduce any complex machine into a simple yes or no answer. ~ Space Ghost

Maybe next time you keep your stinkiness to yourself. ~ Ren, on Ren & Stimpy

Cosgrove: Hey Freakazoid, wanna go see a bear ride a motorcycle?
Freakazoid: DO I?!?

I don’t need no instruction manual to know how to ROCK! ~ Carl, Aqua Teen Hunger Force

Woah, you consarn, ijit varmint! ~ Yosemite Sam

I’m overlookin’ a three leaf clover that I overlooked be-three. ~ Bugs Bunny, singing

I am Mojo Jojo.  People shall call me Mojo Jojo.  And it is I, Mojo Jojo, whom they shall be addressing when using the name, Mojo Jojo. ~ Mojo Jojo

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, “Where have I gone wrong?”  Then a voice says to me, “This is going to take more than one night.” ~ Charlie Brown, Peanuts

Mom wouldn’t care about these things if she wouldn’t keep finding out about them. ~ Calvin & Hobbes

Calvin: I’m a genius, but I’m a misunderstood genius.
Hobbes: What’s misunderstood about you?
Calvin: Nobody thinks I’m a genius.

Are you losing your hearing or are you just stupid? ~ Homer Simpson

In this house we obey the laws of thermodynamics. ~ Homer Simpson

What’s done is done.  I’ve made my bed and now… I have to weasel out of it. ~ Bart Simpson

It’s not how you play; it’s how you win. ~ Dr. Freeze, Superfriends

I am your infant overlord.  Surrender now or I’ll poop on your lap. ~ Stewie Griffin, from Family Guy

Me Grimlock here to save universe. ~ Grimlock, The Transformers

Optimus Prime: Megatron must be stopped… no matter the cost! ~ Transformers, The Movie

The Lost Diamond of Disappearance, Skeletor must have found it. ~ He-man

Greetings Chum! I am the Tick, nigh-invulnerable superhero charged with defending “The City” against evil.  Along with my sidekick, Arthur, and my pet dog… err… rodent Speak, I stop the most diabolical criminal masterminds from carrying out their fiendish plots. ~ The Tick

Rugged, self-assured, adult… these are the words that describe the man who wears a mustache. ~ The Tick

So… humans have easily injured knees.  My race will find this information very useful indeed.  Muwahahahaha! ~ Morbo, from Futurama

“Well,” said Pooh, “what I like best–“, and then he had to stop and think.  Because although eating honey was a very good thing to do, there was a moment just before you began to eat it which was better than when you were, but he didn’t know what it was called.

So now welcome our keynote speaker, Professor Melvin Fenwick — the man who, back in 1952, first coined the now-famous phrase: “Fools!  I’ll destroy them all!” ~ The Mad Scientists Convention, “The Far Side”

Blackmail is such an ugly word.  I prefer “extortion”.  The “X” makes it sound cool. ~ Bender, from Futurama

Leela, enough. Our love has constantly been tested by your hatred, and now this. ~ Captain Zapp Brannigan, from Futurama

Leela: I’m sorry you had to see that, Fry.  Usually I keep my sadness pent up inside where it can fester quietly as a mental illness.
Fry: Yeah.  That’s what I do with my stupidness.
~ from Futurama

Here’s a link to list the other posts in the quotes from cartoons series.  Lots of good stuff…  🙂

Today is Valentine’s Day, as you probably know.  All around the Internet you can find poems, quotes, quips, anecdotes, etc. about Valentine’s Day.  Well, we aren’t any different today…  🙂  Although these quotes aren’t all mushy and sappy — they’re funny and random.  (And that’s a big difference.)  Now on to the quotes!

For Valentine’s Day I sent my wife unbleached white, whole wheat, semolina and durum, and it got me nowhere!  So much for all the effort I put into sending her flours. ~ Michael Cunningham

Saw on a display of “I love you only” Valentine cards: Now available in multi-packs.

Love is like a booger.  You keep picking at it until you get it, then wonder what to do with it.

Enjoy Valentine’s Day… remember: it’s not as important as she thinks it is but it’s more important than you wish it was.

I don’t understand why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentine’s Day.  When I think about romance, the last thing on my mind is a short, chubby toddler coming at me with a weapon.

BTW, if you’re sad and lonely today because you’re single, it’s okay to buy yourself some chocolate.  (And it’ll probably be marked down tomorrow, so then you can stock up on it.)  It might be a good time to order pizza, too, because most couples will be going to fancy, expensive restaurants.  And go ahead and play some video games… or if you’re not into gaming (or taking a break from it), glance around the other posts here at Buffet o’ Blog, and get involved in the conversations.  It’s a good time.  (And our humor is guaranteed!)