when it’s cool to be fat

I watched Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer the other day, which is an awesome show.  It’s part of my Christmas tradition.  I used to feel like a misfit, so I can relate.  Now I’m awesome, just like the show works out for our misfit friends.

One part of the show that always amuses me is Mrs. Claus telling Santa Claus, “Eat! Eat!  Whoever heard of a skinny Santa?”  Now that’s the kind of job I need! Of course Santa has other major responsibilities, like overseeing toy production and delivering toys, but that wouldn’t take up too much time.  The rest of his time is devoted to being fat.

What would you think if part of your job requirement was being overweight?  Could you handle that?

With Santa, it’s cool that he’s fat.  (Yet he’s in good shape, since he has the endurance to travel the world in one night and deliver billions of toys.)  With Santa, people like it that he’s overweight.  Think about the poem “Twas the Night Before Christmas”, where it says:

He had a broad face and a little round belly,
That shook when he laughed, like a bowl full of jelly!

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself!

For most of us, if our belly shakes when we laugh, people look down on that.  But with Santa, it’s cool.

So with all that in mind, I’ve decided I want to be Santa Claus when I grow up.

caption contest, Santa parade in NYC

For this week’s caption contest, we’re going to feature a Christmas / holiday themed picture.  Here is a parade of Santa Clauses, walking down the street in New York City.  (NEW YORK CITY?!?)  So what is the purpose of it?  Is there a special occasion, or is it a secret mission?  Is it a conspiracy?  What are the onlookers thinking?  What should be done about this situation?

(To see our other caption contests, click on the “Say What?” category in the sidebar.)

caption contest, Santa in a SWAT vehicle

For this week’s caption contest, I’m using a Christmas-themed photo.  Well, it features Santa Claus, so it’s festive and stuff.  But this is no ordinary holiday photo — Santa is driving an armored SWAT truck, and he’s being followed by a helicopter.  So obviously there’s some action story behind this picture.  And it’s up to you to write the story.

(To see the other caption contests, click on the “Say What?” category in the sidebar.)

combining Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas

This year, it seems people got into decorating for Halloween a lot more than normal.  And as you’ve probably noticed, retail department stores are pushing the Christmas decor on us before Thanksgiving.  It’s getting crazy.  I like to keep the holidays separate — my rule is no Christmas music or Christmas decorations before Thanksgiving.  But stores seem to not be informed of my rule.

Before long, these holidays will all become merged by the unstoppable commercialization process.  Figuring out how to market the holidays together might seem difficult, but fortunately someone has already figured all this out.  In the article I’m about to link to, Chris Carlisle combines Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas.  For a mascot / symbol, he creates a “ninja robot Mecha Santa Claus”.  If that’s not enough to get you to read the article, I don’t know what is…   Plus it’s funny, and he has a good way of explaining all this.

Holiday Ninja Action Force Unite!  [link broken]