Tag: ramblings

a stupid lawsuit involving Victoria Osteen

Normally I create all the ramblings in the posts here from scratch, but today I’m going to ramble about something that is happening in the news, just because it’s so random.  Victoria Osteen, the wife of famous pastor / televangelist Joel Osteen, is being sued by a flight attendant.  Some people are always looking to make money off the rich and famous, and this is no exception.  But why I’m writing about it is that this case is crazy.

First off, this happened almost three years ago.  So why would it just now be filed?  Second, the charges are ludicrous:

According to court documents, Brown claims that she suffers from anxiety and hemorrhoids because of the incident and said her faith was affected.  She is also suing Osteen for medical expenses for counseling.

So this flight attendant got bumped while cleaning up a mess on the seat and all that happened.  Whatever.  But it gets even crazier — the woman is asking for 10% of Victoria Osteen’s net worth, which is probably in the millions.  How can she ask for a percentage?  Even if you could put a value on her emotional distress and hemorrhoids, it’s nowhere near millions of dollars.  And if her faith was damaged because some famous preacher’s wife accidentally bumped her, then she didn’t have much faith to start with.  And why would she need counseling?!?

Oh, wait, I just figured it out!  If she thinks that someone bumping her in the chest causes hemorrhoids and affects her faith and makes her anxious, then she needs counseling.  The problem is, it’s not Victoria Osteen’s fault that this other woman is a fruitcake.  So, case dismissed!  (I should be a judge.  Although I would’ve already dismissed this joke of a lawsuit before it even got approved to go to court.)

viewer mail, issue #9

Welcome to another issue of our infamous viewer mail series.  Like in previous issues, we will look at actual search terms that people used to find this blog, then we will provide advice, answers, or humor that corresponds with what you were looking for.  (And this is open to your questions, too — just use our contact us form to send us any question you’d like an answer to, and we’ll come up with something.)  Let us begin.

  • chimpanzeewhy are chimpanzees smarter then humans? — Uhh, they’re not.  However, if you believe that, maybe they are smarter than some humans…  😮
  • ice cream buffet — I’ve never heard of one, but that sounds like a good idea.  And in addition to having many varieties of ice cream out there, of course there should also be lots of different toppings to choose from and mix in, like crumbled Oreos, Butterfinger chunks, hot fudge, caramel, graham cracker crumbs, etc.  I think somebody should make this happen.
  • how does the moon belch? — You’ve got me on this one.  I can say that I’ve never thought about this before, and I don’t know.  It would be really weird if the moon did belch or fart, because it would probably be very loud, and we might even hear it on the earth.  On a slightly more serious note, to answer your question, if it has any active volcanoes, then perhaps that’s how, but I don’t know of any.  However, there is the backside of the moon, which we don’t see, so perhaps there’s some clues on that side.
  • interesting facts to read while on toilet — There are a lot of good books and magazines out there for reading in such conditions, and comics are great for that also.  Another suggestion would be to print out some articles from this blog.  The free-for-all stories are good (just click on the title of each one to get all the comments, so you get the whole story), and there’s a page with lots of toilet facts (which would be appropriate, although some might give you pause), and there’s a few posts that have a lot of discussion in the comments (see here for starters).
  • nuclear scorpion — There’s been a lot of searches related to scorpions recently, and I wonder what all the hype / buzz is about.  Perhaps the next Godzilla movie will feature a nuclear scorpion.  (Has he ever fought one?)  So maybe this is from a leaked movie script, or it could be just some crazy conspiracy theory, or maybe my warnings about Turkey Point were prophetic.  I don’t know which it is, but I’m curious also.  If anyone knows why scorpions are so popular now, let me know in the comments.
  • flush toilet into air 10 feet away tooth — Hmm… how should I interpolate this one?  Did the toilet water (and waste) shoot 10 feet into the air when you flushed it and got on your teeth?  Ugh!  Let’s hope that’s not what you’re talking about, because that’s downright stank-nasty!  Generally, you want your toilet to flush downward, taking the poop and other excrement away from you.  If it’s going into the air, then your toilet is malfunctioning.  On a side note, if your whole toilet exploded and shot up in the air, that would be kinda cool, but you’d rather that not happen at your home or while anyone is nearby.
  • moon backside nasa — See, it’s not just me who thinks there may be something going on at the backside of the moon!  Because we can’t see the back of the moon, NASA (or some other space agency) could be having underground operations there without even having to go underground.  There could be something nefarious going on there, so we need to check it out for ourselves.  Do we have any volunteers to secretly go to the moon and investigate?  If you find something, we’ll film it, and it’ll make a great movie, perhaps even winning a Nobel Peace Prize (since Al Gore has lowered the bar so low with his documentary).  Who’s interested in going?

That’s all for this issue.  Feel free to discuss any of these topics in the comments.

the special days of October, pt. 2

Here’s part 2 of our analysis of the special holidays in October.  These are all valid holidays (as far as I can tell — at least I can say that I didn’t make them up).

First, let’s look at the week-long celebrations.  Week 1 is Get Organized Week.  Oh, whoops, I missed that one already!  (I reckon I wasn’t organized enough to get this posted in time.)  Week 2 is Pet Peeve Week.  One of my pet peeves is stupid people, so I’m going to fast from stupid people this week.  🙂

Now we’ll look at the single-day holidays in October, with some custom narration and analysis that you won’t find anywhere else :

  • 1 Homemade Cookies Day — It’s already past this one now, but it should still be observed.  Better late than never.  Besides, it’s Cookie Month, so you should be celebrating cookies all month anyway.
  • 2 Name Your Car Day — I could name my truck Budro, but it already has a name : Rolling Thunder.  What would you name your vehicle?
  • 5 Do Something Nice Day — That’s a good idea.  It’s too bad I didn’t get this posted in time to observe this one.  Maybe next year…
  • 6 Come and Take it Day — This is interesting-sounding, but you won’t be able to take any of my stuff, so don’t even try!
  • 6 Mad Hatter Day — This is a day to be silly and celebrate silliness.  It’s based on a character in Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland.  The date 10/6 was chosen because the inside of The Mad Hatter’s top hat it says “10/6”.  So be silly this day.  (And this blog is a great place for that!)
  • 8 American Touch Tag Day — Tag, you’re it!
  • 8 Indigenous People’s Day — Hey, that’s me!  I’m an indigenous people!  (Really, my family has lived in this area of the country for generations.)  So we get to celebrate me today!
  • 9 Moldy Cheese Day — This is an actual holiday, but I don’t know why.  I’m not eating moldy cheese!  Although, if you think about it, mold is part of some cheeses, like blue cheese — the blue parts are mold.  I prefer non-moldy types, like American, Cheddar, Mozzarella, etc.  Mmm… cheese…
  • 10 National Angel Food Cake Day — This is more like it.  Someone should bake an angel food cake and bring it by the Buffet o’ Blog office.
  • 11 It’s My Party Day — If you need an excuse to host a party, here ya go.  The baseball playoffs are underway now, which is also a great occasion to host a party.  And it’s a good idea to provide food, like pizza and/or cheese dip.
  • 11 Take Your Teddy Bear to Work Day — I read about this on a website that was giving advice on these holidays, and it said, “We think you know how to celebrate this day.  Dress him up for the big event.  Plan for a big day.  Take your Teddy Bear on a tour of the workplace.  Bring Teddy to lunch in the work cafeteria.  If your boss allows it, let Teddy do a work-related project.”  Hmm…  That’s not what I was thinking about, but whatever floats your boat.  Just know that some people might not think it’s all cute for you to be carrying your teddy bear around work with you.  Some people just wouldn’t understand.  I think a better use of this holiday would be to work from home, then you could show your teddy bear what kind of work you do, from the privacy of your own home.
  • 14 National Dessert Day — What you should do on this day is obvious.  As one website put it, “take an extra helping, or two”.  Sounds good to me!
  • 16 Dictionary Day — This is in honor of Noah Webster, who was born on this day in 1758.  He started writing his dictionary at age 43, and it took him 27 years to finish it.  (If he had just put less words in it, it wouldn’t have taken so long.)  I’m not recommending you read a dictionary this day, because that’s just nonsense.  But I do advocate learning a new “big word” that you can add to your vocabulary.  I’ll recommend a few for you : duplicitous, logorrhea, erudition, chicanery, purveyor, debacle (this one comes in handy a lot), fatuous, elucidate, inscrutable, bloviate, juxtapose.
  • 27 National Tell a Story Day — This can be from a book or from memory, or you can just make it up as you go.  Perhaps on that day we should put special emphasis on our original stories (that everyone is invited to participate in), in the free-for-all-stories category.
  • 30 National Candy Corn Day — Ah, what a wonderful treat!  Little pieces of candy, made mostly of honey and sugar.  One word of warning, though — I’ve seen with my own eyes what can happen if you eat excessive amounts of these just before bedtime.  One of my college roommates did this (and drank cream soda with it), and he went to bed while the rest of us were watching TV in the other room.  We kept hearing noises that sounded like Cornholio, and it was because that guy couldn’t sleep (and couldn’t relax at all!).  It was funny, for us anyway.
  • 31 Carve a Pumpkin Day — No surprise here, as it’s also Halloween.

There’s the (partial) list.  There’s some more obscure holidays we didn’t list, but hopefully among these you found some you could celebrate and have fun with.  We should all make time for having fun, or better yet, have fun with about everything you do (when appropriate).  I heard that laughing adds 8 years to your life, so be sure to laugh every day (and then we’ll all live for a long time).