Tag: funny

the special days of September, pt 1

As we’ve done in previous months, we’re going to look at the special days and holidays of this month.   As usual, this is not a complete list — those can be found elsewhere.   But I guarantee you will not find another list like this one.   This is not a mere list, because we add our own unique commentary and analysis.  In other words, we try to make it more fun.   And you are welcome to add to the discussion in the comments section.

Let’s get started with the month-long celebrations and observances in September:

  • Classical Music Month — I know, some people equate classical music with elevator music or new age music or Yanni, and that’s not accurate at all.   Some of it jams.   I’ve heard someone say, “People who don’t like classical music just don’t listen to it loud enough.”  There might be some truth to that.   Also, don’t forget that a lot of your action movies have classical music in them.  Take notice next time…
  • International Square Dancing Month — I’m not much into square dancing, but if it’s your thing, more power to ya.  But I do have one bit of advice which I heard on Lester “Roadhog” Moran’s album Live at the Johnny Mack Brown High School: if you change partners, be sure to change back!  Failure to revert to your original partner can cause some “disagreements”, as evidenced on Roadhog’s album.  AWW-RIGHT!
  • National Courtesy Month — Courtesy can be applied to many areas, so this is a good idea.  If there’s only one piece of fried chicken left, it’s good courtesy to offer it to me.   Or if you’re in a multi-stall public bathroom, a courtesy flush is much appreciated.  I could go on, but you get the idea…
  • National Chicken Month — Speaking of fried chicken…  There’s a lot of ways to cook chicken that is excellent.   Of course, you can’t go wrong with fried chicken.  There’s also Mexican Chicken, which is my favorite dish.   Mmm…
  • National Piano Month — More focus on music — I like it!  The piano is my favorite musical instrument.  This would be a good month to go hear a live performance, like at a local college or university, or if a professional artist is in the state.  Or if you’ve always wanted to play, start taking lessons.  (I do offer lessons, but even if you don’t learn from me, it’s a great skill to develop.)
  • National Honey Month — Supposedly honey is the only food that never spoils.   Whether that’s true or not, I just know that I like honey, especially on some warm rolls…  Mmm…
  • Self Improvement Month — Here at Buffet o’ Blog, we encourage people to laugh more, which is a form of self-improvement.  The world really needs more laughter.   If you want more meaty forms of self-improvement, check out my other blog.
  • Better Breakfast Month — I’m all for this!  Now, some health nuts may argue that this means eating a healthier breakfast, but that’s not the case here.  If that’s what the holiday’s creator wanted, he/she should’ve called it Healthier Breakfast Month.  But it’s “better”.   And the definition of “better” includes “superior to another in desirability”, which for me, would mean more bacon, sausage, eggs, biscuits and gravy, chocolate milk, etc.  There’s no need to even debate this, as far as I’m concerned.   🙂
  • National Rice Month — Most of the world eats rice on a regular basis, particularly those in poverty.  So please take a few minutes to play the Free Rice game to donate rice to those in need.   Remember, it costs you nothing but a few minutes.
  • Read-A-New-Book Month — If you don’t like reading, you just haven’t found the right books.  Even if you read humor or comic books or scientific books or historical books, there’s got to be something you’d enjoy.  Plus, reading is good for you: it stimulates (exercises) your brain, plus you learn things you didn’t know before.   And it’s good to learn, so you’ll be less ignorant.   🙂

Now let’s look at the week-long observances in September:

  • 2nd Week: International Housekeepers Week — I wish I had a housekeeper, so I didn’t have to ever do dishes and clean the bathrooms…
  • 3rd Week: National Farm Animals Awareness Week — Most of us don’t see farm animals very often anymore, at least in live form.   So when you’re eating farm animals this week, be thankful and appreciate of how tasty they are.
  • 3rd Week: National Flower Week — I know who this is for…  🙂
  • 4th Week: National Dog Week — Dogs are much better than flowers, at least to most guys…  🙂  With women, that might be debatable, although it shouldn’t be.

This list is getting considerably long, so I’m going to break it up into several posts.  Click here to search for the other posts on the special days of September.

caption contest, clown vs soldiers

How about another caption contest…   Excited?   Yes, you should be.  Let us get to the picture then.   I think most of you understand how this works by now.   (If not, just write something funny about this photo.)

(To see the other caption contests, click on the “Say What?” category in the sidebar.)

viewer mail, issue #12

It’s been a while since we’ve opened the viewer mailbag, so let’s do this.  First, we’re going to answer an actual message sent to us via our contact form, by Neil:

very cool are you selling or anything?

Well, Neil, currently this blog is not for sale.  Though for enough money, we might consider it.  (We’ll entertain any offer, regardless of size, so don’t be afraid to ask.)  Also, we don’t currently sell any merchandise, although I’d like for that to change.  If we can come up with a cool logo, we could get some T-shirts printed, for all our super-fans to buy and wear proudly.  🙂

Now we’ll look at some of the search terms that have brought people to this blog.  These are actual search terms, not modified in any way.  We’re going to give you answers for what you are searching for.  🙂

  • how to tell a coworker they smell — There are a lot of possible methods for this, but if you want to be discreet and anonymous, you can write a note that says, “You smell like -> ” and put it next to a picture of poop.  Or, if you’re really bold, you can even put some real poop there — that will make a bolder statement and will surely give them something to think about.
  • buffet know-how — Are you looking for a tutorial on how to eat at restaurants with a buffet?  Honestly, I never thought one was necessary.  You just eat the food you like, in whatever quantities you want.  The only strategy is to eat fast if you want to maximize food consumption.  I suppose you could also consider which foods are more filling, but really, the purpose of a buffet is that you eat what you want.
  • what men do in bathrooms dynomite — While there are certain scenarios where creating explosions using dynamite would be fun in a bathroom, most of them are quite dangerous and probably illegal.  So usually there isn’t any dynamite being used — it just sounds like it.  🙂
  • bad farts cause headache — My research does not support this hypothesis.  Has anyone else done any research in this area?
  • cholesterol in wendy’s bacon hamburger — Are you referring to the infamous Baconator?  I know about it, because I ate one in the name of research.  🙂  If you want the nutritional information, you can get it easily enough.  Wendy’s is required to give you this information if you ask, and it’s on their website, but first you need to ask yourself if you really want to know.  I mean, you already know it’s not healthy — it’s a fast-food double cheeseburger with six strips of bacon on it.  If you’re wanting to eat healthy, you should not even be tempting yourself with looking up this information.
  • “ferment beans” — Why would you want to do that?  Are you trying to make an alcoholic beverage that tastes like beans and has the associated side-effects?  I don’t recommend it.  Or do you want to make refried beans that make you “tankered up” (drunk)?  Again, I don’t recommend this.
  • i think your super — Y’know, I’m not surprised this search term found me.  I’m super in more ways than you know.  But to whoever did that search, you might should work on your grammar — it’s not cool to use words incorrectly (unless it’s on purpose).
  • CRAYONS AND BLOOD PRESSURE — This seems random, but that’s what we specialize in here.  🙂  This phrase could be parsed a couple of different ways, so I will answer both.  1) Eating crayons probably doesn’t help your blood pressure, and it may make it worse because bad things might be going on inside your body while you digest and pass crayons.  Just don’t eat them.  The other alternative: 2) coloring with crayons can be relaxing, so that could help lower your blood pressure.  I know, coloring is often looked at as a children’s pastime, but it can still be fun, even for adults.  If you’re one of those thinking coloring is childish, YOU SHOULD QUIT BEING SO OLD!  Try it…

With that last piece of advice, I will wrap up this week’s issue of viewer mail.  (Ironically, this series isn’t published weekly, probably closer to monthly, but it could be done weekly because of all the visitors we have here.  But there’s so much other cool stuff to write on, that this series sometimes get neglected.  It’s like I just start typing and randomness overflows.  You may wonder why I don’t publish multiple times per day, then.  Well, I could, but I have stuff to do.  That is, I have a life (plus another blog).  If someone were to make donations, I could easily justify writing more.  But I digress…)

Beaker from the Muppets sings Beethoven

The Muppets seem to be popular, from glancing at the search terms that bring people here.  And I happened across another video of Beaker (actually, Beakers, plural) that you Muppets fans may enjoy.  Actually, anyone can probably enjoy this, unless you like being serious all the time and have forgotten how to laugh heartily.  Which, if that’s the case, you should watch this to try to get free of that.

Anyway, here’s the clip, of Beaker getting inspired to sing Ode to Joy, from Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony.  He joins in with himself to sing harmony and play instruments, and then, well, you probably already know what will happen because it’s Beaker — things will go wrong somehow.  🙂