Bacon Salt

I just heard about a new product called .  You add it to your food to make it taste like bacon.  I glanced at their website, and their motto is : “Everything should taste like bacon.”  Well, that’s an interesting premise.  They’ve also said, “We’ve on a quest to make everything taste like bacon.”  Hmm…  I really like bacon, and there should be more dishes that include bacon, but everything?  That might be a little extreme.

However, there is a catch to this innovative new product.  Check out one of their product descriptions, which at first sounds good, but there’s obviously a flaw in the slaw : “Bacon Salt is a zero calorie, vegetarian, kosher certified seasoning salt that makes everything taste like real bacon.”  How is bacon vegetarian?  And how is it zero calorie?  The concept of bacon taste with zero calories sounds great, no doubt, but this goes against conventional wisdom.  Typically, what makes foods good is that they are unhealthy.  If there are no calories and there is no meat to this product, how is it good?

But I will not pass judgment at this time, for I have not tried this product.  I would like to, though.  I looked for it in the spices section of Walmart the other day, but didn’t find any.  (To the makers of Bacon Salt, if you donate me a package, I’ll gladly write a review of it.)

making mutant animals

What happens when you mix animals with radioactive ooze?  If you’ve done any kind of research on such things like I have*, you will realize this is dangerous.  You tend to end up with mutants.  And these mutants might be evil, difficult to stop, and causing widespread destruction.  Apparently some scientists have not realized this, because there is a nuclear power plant near Miami, Florida, called , which maintains a wildlife preserve around its twin reactors.  And this is not just some casual “I’m saving an acre of the land I’m building on to make us look enviro-friendly” wildlife preserve — no, it’s twenty thousand acres.  They maintain seventeen endangered species (which doesn’t seem to me like the best place to keep them, but what do I know?), but the scary part is that they are particularly interested in breeding crocodiles.  They’ve released over three thousand into the wild so far.  The crocodile is quite a dangerous animal naturally, with its armor and incredible strength, but mixing it with radiation seems like a bad idea.

GoziraHow did the scientists not put this together?  This just goes to show that you need to take a break from studying to watch TV and movies.  If they had kept up with what’s being documented in some of the popular movies of the past few years, they would’ve realized this is a bad idea.  I just hope we can stop this before it’s too late…

* I’ve watched X-Men and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, as well as some B-movies along these lines.

I need a recess at work

These corporate jobs tend to make too many people fat.  Sitting in front of a computer all day doesn’t burn many calories.  These people need more exercise, and I have a plan!  The workday needs to include a recess like in school, where we go play basketball, kickball, volleyball, etc.  We could also fill some old car tires with dirt and roll them around the playground, creating a dust storm.  (Did anyone else ever do that when you were a kid?  It was a good time!)  I think this would boost morale.  Of course, this would be separate from the already existing lunch hour.

Dance Dance RevolutionI realize in some places it gets too hot and humid in the summer to be outside in “business casual” attire, so they should let us wear shorts (at all times), and they should serve us ice cream after recess.  This too would boost morale.  If it’s just crazy-mad hot, or if there’s inclement weather outside, there could be a recreation area set up with video games like , as well as various pinball machines and other classic arcade games.

I’m thinking I should become a corporate exec…  I’ve got all these .  And I realize that happy employees are more productive employees.  Some companies take away benefits and don’t give raises, and my personal research into this strategy has clearly shown that it lowers morale throughout the company.  I would definitely run things differently if I was in charge…

baseball announcers who don’t know what they’re talking about

I watched part of the Cardinals versus Braves game on ESPN last night, and Joe Morgan was one of the announcers.  Near the end of the game, Scott Rolen stole second off Bob Wickman, and Joe Morgan explained how Rolen had been studying Wickman’s delivery and got a great jump and it wasn’t even close.  But when the replay was shown, it became obvious that Rolen was out at second.  The umpire missed the call, but my point is how Joe Morgan was clearly wrong.  At least this time he acknowledged it after they’d watched the replay a few times.

Here’s another thing Joe Morgan said during a game which sounds crazy to me :

Slow motion makes it look worse than it really is. … It makes it look like he swung farther around than he really did. ~ Joe Morgan, on slow-motion instant replays of a checked-swing

No, the slow motion replay shows what actually happened.  Maybe he doesn’t like it because it reveals he is wrong sometimes.

How can baseball announcers like Joe Morgan and Tim McCarver get away with spouting their incorrect ramblings so many times?  Usually, no one even calls them on it.  Are the other announcers scared of offending them because these guys have so many years of experience?  Regardless of how well they played back when they were players, that doesn’t mean they know what they’re talking about.

It’s one thing if they accidentally get a stat wrong or say the wrong word, but to conduct baseball analysis based on clearly incorrect information is not right.

Lest you think I’m the only one who thinks this stuff, I’ll provide links to websites devoted solely to such things (if you want to read more) : Fire Joe Morgan and Shut Up Tim McCarver.

(BTW, I know this isn’t necessarily funny or random, but it’s my blog and I get to rant once in a while.  🙂  Besides, listening to these characters during a game can be random — because you never know what you’ll hear, and it may be something you’ve never heard before.)