hippo-what?

It can be fun to use big words.  When you do, there will be people who don’t fully understand what you’re saying, but usually they can figure out a close-enough meaning based on context clues and perhaps even the sound of the word.

That said, what do you suppose the word hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia means?  I’ll provide a link that gives the etymology and definition of it, but first I’d like to hear what you think it might mean.  There’s a lot of smart and important readers here, so surely someone can deduce what it means without looking it up.

If you must know the truth, follow this link (and go to the bottom of the page) for a complete explanation.

how not to relieve shoulder pain

Over the years, people have done countless stupid things.  You could fill a blog documenting such things and never run out of content (and I’m sure somebody is trying).  Albert Einstein supposedly said, “Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not even sure about the universe.”   I’ve also heard it said that “the 2 most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.”  I’m not going to argue with that.  I suppose stupidity is limitless because imagination is limitless.  Some people use their imagination for good, while some people use it to invent new ways of being stupid.

The reason I’m thinking of that is because of something I heard in the news this week.  A woman in Michigan hurt her shoulder trying to keep her 80-pound Labrador from fighting with her Chihuahuas, and she was unemployed and couldn’t afford to get health care because she had no health insurance.   The pain supposedly became too much to bear, so she became desperate.  The hospital wouldn’t treat her unless it was an emergency, so she borrowed a gun and shot her shoulder, so the hospital would be required to treat her.  On TV, she said she figured this would be better than the pain she was currently dealing with.  Before shooting herself, she put pillows in front of and behind her shoulder, along with an ice pack.

Her plan backfired, though, because the bullet missed all of the affected areas, so the doctors in the emergency room didn’t have to work on her previous problem.   So now she has the shoulder pain and a gunshot wound to deal with.  Afterward, she said, “It didn’t take the pain away.  I figured it would take the pain away from the rotator cuff, where at least I could focus on something else, and maybe they would fix me, you know.  I guess I should have shot a little lower and got the bone and the artery.”  I’m not sure she learned her lesson…

caption contest, car attacked by birds

Last week’s caption contest dealt with a serious topic — the oil spill.  Since we can’t have too much seriousness here on this blog, this week’s caption contest will use a photo that leads to easy jokes and easy humor — a car windshield covered in bird poop, and the car’s owner looking quite distraught.  So write a caption explaining what’s going on here or what the woman is thinking or what her friends are thinking, or make up something totally different.  Just keep it clean and funny.

(To see our other caption contests, click on the “Say What?” category in the sidebar.)

my favorite animal

I don’t usually post non-original jokes here, but I heard one last night that I thought was really neat (and it even makes some valid points while being funny).

Our teacher asked us what our favorite animal was, and I said, “Fried chicken”. She said I wasn’t funny, but she couldn’t have been right, because everyone else in the class laughed.

My parents told me to always be truthful and honest, and I am. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals very much. I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef.

Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal’s office. I told him what happened, and he laughed too. Then he told me not to do it again.

The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was. I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, just like she’d asked the other children. So I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken. She sent me back to the principal’s office again. He laughed, and told me not to do it again.

I don’t understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn’t like it when I am. Today, my teacher asked us to tell her what famous person we admire most. I told her, “Colonel Sanders”.

Guess where I am now…