Tag: satire

the Important Doctor on migraines

One day a while back I had a migraine, and I happened to run into the “Important Doctor” that occasionally writes comments on this blog, and I told him how I was trying to keep a good attitude despite the immense pain.   Do you know what he said to me?  Think on this:

At least you’re healthy enough to feel bad.

What does that even mean?  Is that supposed to make me feel better?  Is he a philosopher or a doctor?

must keep eating

I just heard in the news that there’s a woman who must eat every 15 minutes to stay alive.  She eats up to 60 small meals a day, consuming between 5,000 and 8,000 calories per day, yet she cannot gain any weight.   She gets excited if she gains even one pound.  She wears size triple zero clothes.  The doctors say it’s a condition called NPS.

I wonder if I have some type of eating disorder, because I often feel the need to eat big, fattening meals, and I’m unable to lose weight.  🙂  If only there was some important doctor who could offer me some advice…

finally a diet plan with enough splurging

The other day I overheard the “Important Doctor” giving some health advice to someone trying to lose weight.  He said if you would eat healthy and responsible (low-fat and low-calorie and small portions) for 80% of your meals, then you could eat whatever you want for the other 20% of your meals and still lose weight.

Let it be noted that his actual words were “whatever you want” concerning 20% of your meals.  So if you normally eat 21 meals per week, then 20% would be about 4 meals.  That sounds like a plan I could follow.   That would mean I could eat at a pizza buffet 4 times per week and still lose weight.  Or have one of the meals be an all-you-can-eat donut bonanza.  Or I could eat dishes like the bacon explosion.  I think I could eat responsibly for the other meals of the week if I could splurge all I wanted on four meals per week.

However, I suspect that once again the (self-proclaimed) “Important Doctor” is blowing hot air.  If I were to eat at a pizza buffet four times per week, I guarantee I wouldn’t be losing weight — I’d be gaining it.  He’s probably just throwing figures out there to make it sound like he’s done research and knows what he’s talking about.   But we’ve had this debate before, that he’s probably non-accredited (if he even is a doctor at all).  His infamous bacon and cheese diet sounds great, but I don’t know of any research proving that it works long-term.  (I imagine it does make people happy in the short-term, though!)

caption contest, Barack Obama and John McCain

I realize we’re past the election between John McCain and Barack Obama, but they still have to work together occasionally (or at least they claim to be bipartisan).  Either way, who needs context for a caption contest, right?  This week’s photo features the two of them shaking hands while Obama makes an additional hand gesture.  Feel free to use creative liberty in writing a caption — it doesn’t have to be realistic, just funny.

As usual, keep your comments clean, and remember this isn’t the place for serious political rants.  You may make a short rant as long as it’s funny and relevant to the photo, but put your serious bloviating elsewhere.

(To see the other caption contests, click on the “Say What?” category in the sidebar.)