Tag: news

preparing for the upcoming robot rebellion

I don’t know if you saw this in the news, but it’s scary that our world might soon be overrun by good-robots-turned-evil.  I know, some of you probably think this is another far-fetched imagination of mine, but here is the link to prove you wrong: Experts Warn of “Terminator”-Style Military-Robot Rebellion.  This report was funded by and prepared for the U.S. Navy’s Office of Naval Research.  So this ain’t no joke!

It’s ironic that they’re warning us of this before such robots are even created and deployed.  But that obviously means that this is a very serious threat, one not to take lightly.  I think this calls for a constitutional amendment!  We currently have “the right to bear arms”, which is to protect us, but that won’t keep us safe from Terminator-style robots that will surely be bulletproof.  So obviously we need access to some high-tech weapons, such as ones designed only to combat robots.

Since our government moves at the speed of molasses and doesn’t care about our rights anyway, we need to design our own robotic weaponry, for our self-defense, of course.  Well, the testing would be fun, and until this apocalyptic robot war comes to pass, these robots could cook for us and bring us our food.  You don’t want them sitting around rusting away, do you?  🙂

Also, since these futuristic military-grade robots may possess some type of Wi-Fi mind control powers to “convert” our robots to the dark side, we need our own robotic exosuits, complete with full weaponry (and a tea dispenser).  (This has been discussed here before.)   That way, even if the robots malfunction, we can save the world ourselves.

This may sound too far-fetched for some of you, and that’s okay.  That just means you aren’t part of the solution.   Unfortunately, that also means you will be at the rebellious robots’ mercy until we save the day.  But never fear — I’ve had lots of practice saving the world.  Granted, it’s been with video games, but have you seen how realistic they are these days?  I’m sure my mad skills would translate well to real life.  (Have you seen the TV show “Aaron Stone”?  It worked for him.)

it’s time for some research funding!

Some of us on the Buffet o’ Blog staff have joked that we should start a research project and find a way to get funded by the government.   After glancing over just part of the 2009 Omnibus Appropriations Act / spending bill, I’m convinced that we should actually do it.  Initially we were just joking, but people are getting big bucks for projects that our government probably shouldn’t be supporting.  Here’s a few examples:

* $360,000 to the “NOAA National Weather Service Pacific Region Headquarters to purchase, install, and maintain rain gages”.   Okay, maybe this one should be funded.   But $360,000 for rain gages?!?  I know, they have to pay someone to install and maintain them.  Still, you can buy a LOT of rain gages and pay quite a few salaries with that kind of money!   And that doesn’t sound like a full-time job for several people…  (On a side note, I was taught “gauges” is the correct spelling, but apparently both are acceptable.  Silly English language!)

* $1,000,000 to “Rhode Island Coastal Resource Management Council for the development of a comprehensive habitat restoration and protection plan for Narragansett Bay and nearby water bodies”.  But that’s not all.  Here’s a related one: another one million dollars to “Save the Bay for a middle-school youth program to study, cleanup, and preserve Narragansett Bay”.  Really?!? A million bucks to a professional group just to DEVELOP a plan seems WAY high, but then to add another million for a middle-school program?  Where’s that money going???   It’s not going to the kids.  It’s probably not going to the teachers.  Someone should watch that program.

* $2,150,000 to Wisconsin for the “Wisconsin Height Modernization Program”.  Is the height of Wisconsin out-of-date?  I don’t know what that’s about…

* $5,600,000 to “The JASON Project”.  I have no idea what that is.  But I’m thinking there should be a “Buffet o’ Blog Project”!  We can call it “The BoB Project” for short.   Our state senators should just put it in there for something small, like $100,000.  Who reads these bills anyway?  I don’t think our congressmen do.   This bill is 1,122 pages long, and they had less than 36 hours to read it before it was voted on.  I need to make some phone calls!

* $400,000 for “Horseshoe Crab Research”.  I wonder if this will involve the eating of any…  I’d like to participate in some type of research that involves lots of eating (as long as it’s not vegetables).

* $1,500,000 to “Auburn University for research”.   Some of the earmarks explain what the research is for, but to put “for research” is very generic.  It seems like there would be difficulty in maintaining accountability for that money…   Hmm…  that gives me an idea for my future “research” project(s)…  🙂

The list goes on and on and on and on.  You get the idea.  If you want to look over the plan, here’s the link.  (Be forewarned it’s a 12MB PDF file.)

Enough rambling about all that.  I’ve got to go now, so I can think up some type of “research” I can do to get lots of money.  Apparently this is the American way, and now that Pelosi and the Democrats are spending money like two-year-olds in a candy store, it’s time for me to get in on the redistribution of wealth!

woman has failed the driving test 771 times

Today I heard about a South Korean woman who has failed the written exam of the driving test 771 times.  She’s 68 years old, and she’s been taking the test almost every day since April 2005.  The minimum passing score is a 60, and she’s gotten as high as 50.  There is a cost for each test, and she has spent over $3,000 so far on fees.   She’s hoping that attempt number 772 will be it.

I will say this — she’s determined!  But perhaps she should study some before taking it again.  You figure she would’ve gotten that message by now.   I have to wonder, though — does she speak the proper language?  Or can she read and write?  It seems like just marking random answers would eventually score high enough in 771 tries.

But through all this failure, she now has fame.  She has set the world record for number of times to fail the driving test.  And now she’s being talked about in the news all around the world.  She has received her 15 minutes of fame, and she now holds a world record.

Groundhog Day turns violent, meaning uncertain

Well, we just had Groundhog Day.  It’s too bad the holiday isn’t anything like the movie.  That would be great if we got to live the same day in a row a few times.  🙂  Anyway, supposedly the groundhog saw his shadow, so we have more winter.  Whatever…

The news on this day should be what it means that a groundhog bit New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg during their ceremony.  Yes, their little festival had violence.  I’ve wondered why groundhogs participate in this stupid tradition, when they should be hibernating.  Well, “Staten Island Chuck” decided to take matters into his own hand… er, mouth.

But now the bigger question remains unanswered — what does this physical violence mean for the rest of the winter?  Does it signal the worst winter ever?  Does it foreshadow our ultimate doom?  What exactly is going to happen now?  I guess time will tell (unless there happens to be a groundhog prediction expert in the crowd)…