Tag: humor

viewer mail, issue #11

It’s been a while since I’ve answered viewer mail, so here goes.  Like always, these are actual search terms used to find this site, followed by commentary and analysis.  There wasn’t any questions to answer this week, but if you have any, use the “Contact Us” link to send it to us.

  • flavor of poop — I haven’t ever researched this (for good reason), so I’m going to resort to a third-party on this one.  I have read of someone who actually ate some, and he said it tasted about like what you would expect.  I wish I could find the reference to it, because I’d give him a few seconds of additional fame for his feat.
  • i would like 17 super powers please — Doesn’t that seem kinda greedy?  Of course it would be great to have more superpowers than you know what to do with, but then some would get wasted.  Besides, can you think of any superheroes that have 17 super powers?  That would offset the balance on both sides, and it would be really bad if you decided to use your powers for evil.  So, sorry, on this request you’ll have to be DENIED.
  • coworker is an aliencoworker is an alien — If this is true, then you need to be very careful!  An alien is not going to come to Earth just to sit in a cubicle and do work; he obviously has some ulterior motives.  He could be here for research, spying, infiltration, or kidnapping.   But regardless of that, there’s another aspect of this to consider.  Do you have any idea how much fame and fortune you could get by discovering an alien?!?  People have tried to prove the existence of UFOs for decades, and if you could, you’d be so famous.  So document all your encounters with him/her/it, and keep your proof in a safe place.  Write a book with an accompanying DVD, then hit the talk show circuit.  You’ll easily make millions!
  • words like discombobulator — That word makes me feel discombobulated…
  • why do pickles explode — BECAUSE THEY’RE EVIL!!!  Actually, I didn’t know they explode on their own, but I do know for a fact that they’re evil.  Does anyone have any evidence or explanation of them exploding?  My plan of shooting all pickles into the sun would cause them to explode, but if there’s any natural exploding of pickles, I’d like to know about it.
  • unbreakable stuff — That’s just a myth.  Nothing is unbreakable.  I’ve worked with people who were naturals at breaking anything.
  • why should i eat chocolate — This one is really easy — because it tastes great!  What other reasons do you need?  But if someone is trying to convince you that it’s not healthy, that’s just because they want the chocolate for themselves.  Chocolate actually does have nutritional properties to it.  It has antioxidants, which nobody understands, but they say your body needs them.  And chocolate is a great source of sugar.  I know, sugar gets a bad reputation these days, but did you know your brain runs on sugar?  It’s true, look it up.  Of course, your body can create sugar from foods like fruits and vegetables, but why not save the time and effort by eating chocolate, which has your daily sugar needs in highly concentrated form (plus it tastes much better).
  • how safe is buffet eating? — I’ve never had any problems with it.  But, since you brought it up, I should research this.  I think this calls for a trip to Larry’s Pizza!  WOOHOO!  Would anyone like to join me to offer a second opinion?  Before you quickly volunteer, know that this may require multiple visits to local buffets, so we can reduce the standard deviation and stuff.  🙂

That’s it for this week.  Now you know more than before.  You’re welcome.

a strange question at a gas station

The other day I walked into a convenience store to get a candy bar, and they asked me, “Do you have gas?”

(Obviously they were talking about purchasing gasoline for my vehicle, or at least I hope so.  It’s somewhat disconcerting when strangers ask about my flatulence status.)

add your own captions, pt 1

Today I’m going to add a new feature to the blog.  It’s called, “Say What?”  How it works is very simple.  I will post a picture, and you add the captions for it.  You can write from the perspective of the people in the photograph, or you can write as an announcer, or you can take any other point-of-view you can think of.  It’s that simple.  The only rule is to obey the language rules of the website — basically, keep it clean.

Let’s get started.

mess with mustard and pickles

how to eat what you want and be healthy

The government recommends we get so many vitamins and minerals in our daily diet to be healthy and fit.  However, many of our food choices don’t contain sufficient amounts of them, so we have to make do with what we have.  You could take vitamin supplements, but they don’t taste good, and they aren’t very filling, nor are they fun.  Another possible option is that you keep eating until you get a sufficient amount of your daily nutrients.  For example, if you’re eating pizza for lunch, but each slice has only 10% of the Vitamin C you need each day, then you’ll just have to eat 10 pieces.  This will ensure your body is getting all the required vitamins and minerals that it needs, plus you will enjoy the process of being healthy and eating right.  🙂

Granted, you may take in a few extra calories and thus gain a few pounds, but you’re giving your body the nutrition it needs.  What’s more important — being healthy or being skinny?  (And, when it comes to eating, being happy or eating small portions of boring foods?)