Tag: fart

Are dinosaurs extinct because of their farting?

In the news recently, British scientists (“boffins”) have announced that dinosaurs’ reckless farting might have led to their extinction.  Read for yourself:

Dinosaurs may have farted themselves to extinction, according to a new study from British scientists.

The researchers calculated that the prehistoric beasts pumped out more than 520 million tons (472 million tonnes) of methane a year — enough to warm the planet and hasten their own eventual demise.

Until now, an asteroid strike and volcanic activity around 65 million years ago had seemed the most likely cause of their extinction. …

“Our calculations suggest these dinosaurs may have produced more methane than all the modern sources, natural and human, put together.”

“Not the momma!”

Yeah, I called it reckless farting.  (Have you ever heard those two words together before?)  It’s bad enough to just fart whenever you want, but when the air becomes unsuitable for life, it’s time to change policy.  I realize they’re just animals, but you’d think they could’ve figured it out.  Even animals can learn by conditioning (like Pavlov’s dogs).  Here, you’d think after millions of years, they’d figure out a disturbing pattern.  Por ejemplo: [fart]  “Whew, that stinks.”  [fart again]  “That’s some stank-terribleness.”  [fart again]  “I can hardly breathe…”  [fart again]  “I’m about to die!”  The pattern is obvious.

Doesn’t it seem odd that there are people who get paid to calculate how much dinosaurs passed gas?  Imagine meeting new people and they ask you what you do — “I study dinosaur farts.”  You’d get some weird reactions, I’m sure.  But you’d be a hit at the elementary school on bring-your-parent-to-school day.  🙂

fart interrupts city council meeting

I don’t know if you’ve ever been to a city council meeting or seen one on TV, but they can be quite boring.   So obviously it would lighten things up if someone were to rip one outloud.  That’s what happens at the meeting in the video below, and the council members try to be responsible adults and not laugh, but it’s hard to not laugh at a well-timed fart (or two).

For some reason, this kind of thing happens all the time at Buffet o’ Blog staff meetings.  Never a boring moment…

funny pictures, episode 1

Today I’m gonna show you some funny pictures.  I have quite a stash of them in my inventory, and everyone likes seeing funny pictures, right?  [All together now: “YAY!”]

This isn’t an official caption contest, but that doesn’t matter.  If you think of something funny to add to these pics in way of a caption, have at it.  Share the humor.  That way, instead of just you laughing, countless untold dozens of people get to laugh also.  Maybe somebody will even go so far as to think you’re funny!  (It could happen…)

FYI, some of them you might be able to click on to access a larger version.  Now, on to the pictures!  Ready… set… SCROLL!

Perhaps this should be retitled "Magazine for Wussy Men"...
Perhaps this should be retitled "Magazine for Wussy Men"...
I have no idea what's going on here...
I have no idea what's going on here...

man-with-sign-need-karate-lessons

I know some people who should sign up...
I know some people who should sign up...
Obviously fake, but it would be awesome if he had one.
Obviously fake, but it would be awesome if he had one.
Here is a time to be bipartisan...
Here is a time to be bipartisan...

That concludes our introductory pilot episode of funny pictures.  I’m creating a category for it, so you can click on it to quickly find the other ones (later).  Also of note, there have been funny pictures posted previously, particularly in the “Say What?” caption contests.

a new product to handle flatulence

You know how there’s those breath strips (skrips) like Listerine “PocketPaks” where you can put one on your tongue and it dissolves to create fresher breath?  Those were a good idea.  But I’ve got an idea to take that concept much farther.

I have the Buffet o’ Blog R&D (Research & Development) department working on some strips that will dissolve into thin air.  The purpose of these will be for those people who insist on passing gas near your comfort zone.  (You know who you are!)  These strips can be used to cover up your own fart slip, or they can be used when a friend rips one near you and walks away.  These strips will have cleansing bubbles that remove the malodorous methane-based odor from the air, leaving only fresh air behind, with a hint of citrus.  We may make other flavors available, such as mountain meadows, but they’ll be worked on once the product is fully working properly.

If the carefully formulated formula formulates as planned, you could actually leave a strip (or two) in your underdrawers (drawz) for those days when you have a rumbly in your tumbly and there’s a forecast of thunder from down under.  Then you’ll be able to break wind while in important meetings at work (as long as you keep the volume down).  Coworkers may notice a freshness emanating from you, but you can attribute that to your cologne / perfume.

Yes, when this product is released, you won’t have to fear hanging out with your extra-gaseous friends anymore.  Their foul flatulence can be neutralized with this revolutionary new product.  And it will benefit you personally, too, as you won’t have to fear the shame and embarrassment of farting in public or at family gatherings.  You will feel a new-found freedom in life, and I suspect it will even help you enjoy life more.

Coming soon to a store near you…