top posts

I’m trying a new widget in the sidebar, to list the “Top Posts”.  However, it’s disappointing, in that it’s not listing the top posts of all-time or even since they started giving per-post statistics.  It’s listing the top posts of the last 24-48 hours, which is not what I want.  But I’ll leave it up for a while, to see if the statistics start counting today, making it eventually show the top posts of all-time.

Since it’s not showing the top posts, I’ll list for you what have been the most popular posts :

For those of you that have been here a while, these will bring back some good memories.  If you’re (relatively) new to the site and missed some of these, now you have a “greatest hits” collection to catch up with.  (Of course, you’re always welcome to peruse all posts in the archives, and you can comment on any post, regardless of how old it is.  None of them have passed their expiration date, so they’re all still fresh and tasty.)

Are chimps better than humans?

chimpAccording to a new study by the National Academy of Sciences, chimpanzee genes have evolved more than human genes since they split about 6 million years ago.  First of all, this is stupid because we didn’t evolve from chimps nor from primordial ooze.  Second, this is stupid because even if evolution were true, how can someone think chimps have evolved more than humans?  We (humans) are obviously smarter.

Let the ranting begin…

viewer mail, issue #8

It’s time for another installment of viewer mail.  As we did in the previous issues, we will take actual search terms that people found this site with, then we will provide advice, answers, or just more information concerning these topics.  (FYI, we are closer to having a form where you can submit your own questions, but our webmaster is just too busy with all his stuff to get it finished.  Hopefully soon, though.)  Let us get started.

  • dumb comments — Oh, is this the site for you!  We specialize in dumb comments here.  We’re like discount dumb comments warehouse.  But that’s not to imply that any of our readers are dumb — not at all.  Some of our readers are among the smartest you’ll find in these here parts.  Yet they are able to simulate dumbness.  (I call that artificial stupidity.)  However, a few readers here are, um, a few fries short of a Happy Meal.  But I’m not saying who.  🙂  Either way, if you want to read dumb comments, this is the place.  Have a look around. It’s a good time.
  • the secret is discovered — Hmm, are you wondering if “the secret” has been discovered or is this a message saying “the secret” has already been discovered?  If the latter, then you’re in big trouble!  Since it was a secret, obviously the multitudes are not supposed to know.  And if you’re talking about “the secret”, well, you better hope it’s not out!  I’ve heard there’s some bad consequences awaiting the one who lets the proverbial cat out of the bag before its due time.
  • incompetent cream — This is similar to “the clear” cream that some professional athletes take, except it’s the opposite.  I think it’s what most politicians take.  Since they don’t need steroids for athletic ability, they apply this incompetent cream, which does what you would expect.  🙂
  • sleep recovering from daylight savings — It’s widely known that people don’t like losing an hour of sleep due to Daylight Savings Time in the spring.  In a recent article we proposed a solution for this.
  • chuck norris vs the a-team — While Chuck Norris vs Mr. T would be a great fight, I doubt even he could take on the whole A-Team.  I’m not sure Chuck could beat Mr. T by himself, but adding Hannibal, Face, and Murdoch would be too much.  Nonetheless, I wish he could’ve been on the show one time as the bad guy, although I suspect that might be too much awesomeness for one show.
  • fart into phone conference call during — This came up during our discussion on the best way to get fired.  If you’re at a computer with speakers, there’s a lot of interesting sound effects that would liven up a boring conference call at work.  It’s best if you’re working from home that day, so no one knows who it is.
  • i want to know about salads — I can help you with this.  Fortunately for you, salads aren’t that complicated.  They usually consist of lettuce plus with some garden-variety vegetables, topped with a salad dressing such as Ranch or Thousand Island.  As you might have surmised already, this isn’t very exciting.  However, some places will allow you to create your own salads from a salad bar, and that’s a much better option.  The best place I’ve found for this is Riverfront Steakhouse, which has what might be the best steak in central Arkansas, along with the best salad bar I’ve ever seen.  It has all the normal stuff, plus shrimp and real bacon (which go really well together).  Anytime you can add some cooked dead animals to your salad, it’s going to be better.
  • don’t you hate when your boogers freeze — My personal research in this area has shown that it’s best to go inside before you get that cold.  (I imagine you’re referencing the quote by Calvin, which we included in part 3 of our quotes from cartoons series.)
  • how to make hot rod transformer costume — If you make one and wear it, all the guys will be amazed and the women will think you’re a nerd.  That said, you should still go for it.  Be yourself.  Don’t let women keep you from being who you want to be.  I’ve seen a few videos about making your own Transformers costume before, and I still have the links for them.  The first one is way cool, but you have to have help transforming : Hot Rod.  Here’s a generic one, where he changes from a robot to a car.  And here’s a video with a few that you will know, like Optimus Prime, Starscream, and a Constructicon.

That’s it for today.  Feel free to discuss these topics further in the comments section.

Toilet Facts

While scouring the Internet for various stuff, I found some toilet facts that you might find interesting…

Most toilets flush in the key of E flat. One-third of all Americans flush the toilet while they are still sitting on it.

40,000 Americans are injured by toilets each year.

The first toilet ever seen on television was on “Leave It To Beaver.”

Lightning has been known to strike people talking on the telephone or sitting on the toilet.

In 1996, President Clinton passed a law on toilet paper, taxing each roll 6 cents and increasing the price of the product to 30 cents per roll.

the average desk harbors 400 times more bacteria than the average toilet seat

car steering wheels carry more than twice as many germs as a toilet seat

Urine on the toilet seat. Although disgusting, it is a nearly sterile liquid.

The faucet handle in most bathrooms at work have 400 times more germs than the toilet seat.

There are 333 squares of toilet paper on a roll.

-The standard size of a sheet of toilet paper is 4.5″ by 4.5″.

-In 1890, the Scott Paper Company manufactured toilet paper on a roll, much as we know it today.

Dentists have recommended that a toothbrush be kept at least 6 feet away from a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush

advice in one book suggests that a person exit a public restroom stall immediately after flushing, since “fecal matter” can fly 20 feet into the air when flushed

Who invented the Flushing Toilet?

The flushing toilet was invented in 1596, not by Thomas Crapper as most people think, but by Sir John Harington. Harington, a British nobleman and godson of Queen Elizabeth I, invented a valve that when pulled would release water from a water closet. Sir John recommended flushing the toilet once or twice a day, although with our modern technology, we know that is probably not sufficient. (Rumor has it that, in Robin Hood’s day, King Arthur – angry with how his brother ruled the country while the King was gone, named fair toilette, ‘the john’ – AKA as ‘the Jon’ to you folks.) Giblin did work for Crapper as an employee who had a successful career in the plumbing industry, holding nine patents for plumbing-related products in England from 1861 to 1904. The most likely scenario is that Crapper bought the patent rights from Giblin and marketed the device himself.

What does the word “toilet” mean?

Deriving in 1828, the original meaning of toilet, or toilette, is of French origin meaning the “act of washing, dressing, and preparing oneself”. As the years went by, the word evolved into actually being the room or facility in which one arranges their toilet. In modern days, toilet refers to the plumbing fixture that one might use in the “bathroom”, with “bathroom” now describing the facility one would go to for the purpose of using the toilet or lavatory.

According to bathroom historian Frank Muir, the toilet and/or the outhouse have at one time or another been called the House of Honor (by the ancient Israelites), the House of the Morning (by the ancient Egyptians), the garderobe (literally, “cloakroom”), the necessarium, the necessary house, the reredorter (literally, “the room at the back of the dormitory”), the privy (that is, the private place), the jakes, the john, the loo, the W.C. (for water closet), room 100 (in Europe), the lavatory, the closet of ease, and many other things. In addition to euphemisms, needless to say, there is also an abundance of vulgar expressions Curiously, however, there is no “real” word for the place where one deposits one’s bodily wastes. ‘Toilet,’ which is now thought of as the “official” term, is itself a euphemism-originally, toilet was the process of dressing, as in, “the lady has just completed her toilet.” Before toilet assumed its present meaning in the early twentieth century, the accepted technical term for the “john” was the vaguely disgusting, but still euphemistic “bog-house.”

*China – Chinese Emperors first felt the need for something to use to clean themselves and thus they ordered the first ever toilet paper in AD 1391. Each sheet of toilet tissue was then 2 feet by 3 feet. The Bureau of Imperial Supplies began producing 720,000 sheets of toilet paper a year

*USA…1857 – New Yorker Joseph C. Gayetty produced the first packaged bathroom tissue in the United States in 1857. The Gayetty Firm from New Jersey produced the first toilet paper named “The Therapeutic Paper”. It contained an abundance of aloe, a curative addition. The company sold it in packs of 500 sheets for fifty cents, and Joseph Gayetty had his name printed on each sheet!

*USA…1890 – The Scott Paper Company is the first company to manufacture tissue on a roll, specifically for the use of toilet paper.

As it states 1 ply is a single layer of tissue where 2 ply is two layers. That does not mean however, that 2 ply is twice the thickness. 1 ply is made of a 13# thickness paper versus 2 ply is made of 2 layers of 10# thickness paper. Manufacturers do not simply ‘double up’ the 1 ply in order to make 2 ply.

– An early advertisement –

Scott advertisements were suggesting that “over 65% of middle-aged men and women suffered from some sort of rectal disease”. Inferior toilet paper was deemed to be responsible. It was printed in Scott advertisements that “harsh toilet tissue may cause serious injury”. The ad said ” ScotTissue, Sani-tissue and Waldorf are famous bathroom tissues specifically processed to satisfy the three requirements doctors say toilet tissue must have to be safe: absorbency-softness-chemical purity”. Each sheet, it said was made of “thirsty fibers.” Scott tissue was made from the finest ingredients and “they are neither acid nor alkaline in reaction. Each sheet is fully sterilized in manufacture” it read.

What did people use before toilet paper was invented? <<

*Newsprint, paper catalogue pages in early US

*Hayballs, Scraper/gompf stick kept in container by the privy in the Middle Ages

*Discarded sheep’s wool in the Viking Age, England

*Frayed end of an old anchor cable was used by sailing crews from Spain and Portugal *Medieval Europe- Straw, hay, grass, gompf stick

*Corn cobs, Sears Roebuck catalog, mussel shell, newspaper, leaves, sand- United States

*Water and your left hand, India

*Pages from a book, British Lords

*Coconut shells in early Hawaii

*Lace was used by French Royalty

*Public Restrooms in Ancient Rome- A sponge soaked in salt water, on the end of a stick

*The Wealthy in Ancient Rome-Wool and Rosewater

*French Royalty-lace, hemp

*Hemp & wool were used by the elite citizens of the world

*Defecating in the river was very common internationally

*Bidet, France

*Snow and Tundra Moss were used by early Eskimos

You can read even more information about toilets and paper products here