jumping on the politically correct bandwagon

NOTE: Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading in America, Arkansans will no longer be referred to as “HILLBILLIES”.  You must now refer to us as “OZARK-AMERICANS”.  Thank you, drive thru…

Stephen Colbert’s AmeriCone Dream ice cream

AmeriCone DreamYesterday I tried Ben & Jerry’s ice cream, designed by the one and only Stephen Colbert.  It’s some good stuff!  It’s vanilla ice cream, with pieces of waffle cone covered with fudge, and with swirls of caramel.  I found it at Walmart, and had to try it, so I could review it for my readers.  (Yeah, I make sacrifices like this all the time for you.  If you only knew…)  My official review : it’s good, and you should try it.

I think there should be a Buffet o’ Blog ice cream flavor.  It would start with sweet cream ice cream, with crumbled up Oreos (cookies ‘n cream) and graham cracker crumbs.  That’s what I get at Cold Stone Creamery, and it’s scrumptious.  If I could buy that at the grocery store, I’d get it all the time.  And if it had our name on it, we’d become even more famous, because word would get out and we’d be famous for designing the best ice cream mixture ever.  (Hey, Ben & Jerry, have your people contact my people, and let’s make this happen.)

quotes from cartoons, pt. 6

Do you know what today is???  Yeah, it’s Wednesday, but that’s not all!  Today you get another batch of quotes from cartoons!  It’s a good time.  And it helps you get over the midweek hump (as some say).  But what if it’s not Wednesday where you live (or on the day you happen to read this)?  That doesn’t matter at all!  These quotes are good every day.  They have stood the test of time.  They continue to be funny, humorous, random, silly, and so forth, regardless of time and space.  So enjoy them… (and if you’re a visitor here, check out the other posts in this series, as well as other random posts).

There’s somethin’ kinda NYEEEE about a kid who don’t know how to play baseball! ~ Foghorn Leghorn

Is it hot in here or am I sweatin’? ~ Brak

Moltar, release the taco! ~ Space Ghost

I will hug him, and squeeze him, and call him George. ~ from a Bugs Bunny cartoon

There’s never enough time to do all the nothing you want. ~ Calvin

That’s the problem with nature.  Something’s always stinging you or oozing mucus on you.  Let’s go watch TV. ~ Calvin

FLUSSSSSH!  Whee!  Ha Ha Ha.  Mom, I’m done with my bath now. ~ Calvin

I’ve developed a new philosophy… only dread one day at a time. ~ Charlie Brown

Don’t toy with me, woman. ~ Homer Simpson

Quoth the raven, eat my shorts. ~ Bart Simpson

Your superior intellect is no match for our puny weapons. ~ The Simpsons

Marge: Homer, where are you?
Homer: Uhh, I’m somewhere where I don’t know where I am.
Marge: Do you see towels?  If you see towels, you’re probably in the linen closet again.
~ The Simpsons

Well huzzah, huzzah.  I’ll just throw back my legs and pollute my britches with delight. ~ Mr. Burns, from The Simpsons

Hook: Nobody would follow an uncharismatic bore like you!
Rumble: Hey!  Nobody calls Soundwave uncrasimatic!
~ Transformers, The Movie

Megatron: You’re either lying, or stupid.
Starscream: I’m stupid!  I’m stupid!
~ Transformers

I will rule the universe, even if I am the only one left in the universe. ~ Starscream, Transformers

And, isn’t sanity really just a one-trick pony anyway?  I mean all you get is one trick, rational thinking, but when you’re good and crazy, oooh, oooh, oooh, the sky is the limit. ~ The Tick

The human mind is a dangerous plaything, boys.  When it’s used for evil, watch out!  But when it’s used for good, then things are much nicer. ~ The Tick

Ah savory cheese puffs, made inedible by time and fate. ~ The Tick, during spring cleaning

Man-At-Arms: You dare threaten her life?
Skeletor: I DARE ANYTHING!  I am Skeletor!
~ from Masters of the Universe

All humans are vermin in the eyes of Morbo! ~ Morbo, from Futurama

You win again, gravity. ~ Captain Zapp Brannigan, from Futurama

Pathetic human race.  Arranging their knowledge by category just made it easier to absorb.  Dewey, you fool!  Your decimal system has played right into my hands!  Ha ha ha ha! ~ Chief Giant Brain, in the library absorbing all of Earth’s knowledge, from Futurama

Human female: “All in all, this is one day that Mittens the kitten will not soon forget.”
Morbo: “Kittens give Morbo gas.  In later news the city of New New York is doomed.  Blame rests with known human professor Hubert Farnsworth and his tiny inferior brain.”
~ from Futurama

Brian Griffin: Face it Peter, you get competitive about everything.
Peter Griffin: I am so not competitive.  In fact, I am the least non-competitive.  So I win. ~ Family Guy

For every pickle I find, I shall kill you. ~ Stewie Griffin, Family Guy

Stimpy: Hey, Ren, this horse reminds me of your Uncle Eddie.
Ren: Why is that?
Stimpy: Because he’s big and stinky.
Ren: Hey, you shouldn’t say mean things like that!  Didn’t you ever consider that this horse might have feelings?
~ Ren & Stimpy

Powdered Toast Man: Quick, man!  Cling tenaciously to my buttocks!
The Pope: Both of them?
~ Ren & Stimpy

BRAIN: Pinky, are you pondering what I’m pondering?
PINKY: I think so, Brain, but where are we going to find a duck and a hose at this hour?
~ Pinky and the Brain

You’re not a failure kid.  It’s just that your ideas are silly and dumb. ~ Cosgrove, Freakazoid

Well I’d better be going… For somewhere there are wrongs to right.  There are foes to fight.  There are little chunks of carrot in your teeth… I’d have that taken care of, it can lead to insanity. ~ Freakazoid

We’ve put together a little motion picture about Freakazoid’s origin.  It’s filled with action and adventure and even features a scene with a man wrestling a bear for no reason. ~ Jack Valenti, Freakazoid

Freakazoid: Cosgrove, how come you never got married?
Cosgrove: Because I like meat too much.
Freakazoid: You can be married and still eat alot of meat.
Cosgrove: I didn’t know that.
~ Freakazoid

By the way there’s a spooky cloud thing out here turning people into clown zombies.  I’d take care of that if I were you. ~ Cosgrove, Freakazoid

Ahhhhhhh scream with meeeee! ~ Guitierrez, when falling, Freakazoid

Freakazoid: [on the phone] Guess where I am.  I’m at your prison.  Me and my friends are gonna rescue the Douglas family and a mime and escape YOU BIG FATHEAD!  FATTY FATTY CHUNKY CHUNKY LARDFACE!
Russian Security Minister: Your death will be very painful.
[hangs up]
Russian Security Minister: Notify the prison authorities.  I want to deal with Freakazoid personally!
Steph: Freakazoid, you just insulted the security minister and gave him our exact location!
Roddy MacStew: What was the point, lad?  What’s your plan?
Freakazoid: [thinks a moment] OK, I know you’re gonna be mad but I forgot the rest of my plan.
~ Freakazoid

Who dare disturbs the Master of Masters, the Shogun of Sorrow, Aku? ~ Aku, to Samurai Jack

“How can I repay ya, lad?”  “Friends owe no debts.” ~ Samurai Jack, to Scottish warrior

Here’s the link to the other entries in our series.

a new type of football video game

The most popular football video game has been the Madden series for a few years, but I’d like to see one that has a lot more funny and random features.  They’ve got the realistic / simulation aspect covered.  I want a game where I can do whatever I want.

Let’s see, if I created a football video games, what would I add in as options…

  • Control the weather.  If I want them to play in 12″ of snow, then I’ll make it happen.  Or if I’d rather the field be muddy from 8″ of torrential downpours, let that be an option.  And of course the gameplay has to reflect the difficulty of the weather.
  • Choose from hilarious broadcasters.  I don’t want the same old play-by-play that most of these games feature.  I want someone with a lot of character and personality, who isn’t afraid of showing it.  It’s a video game, not real life, so let it loose.  Have someone who makes comments like, “His uniform should have number 2, because that’s how crappy his playing is.”  Another announcer could have lots of attitude, saying things like, “I know he didn’t!” and “If that was me, I wouldn’t tolerate that crap.”  Make it lively.
  • When fights break out, zoom in and let the gamers control the fighting between individual players.  Let them get suspended, but allow the fighting.  (I suspect most teams would have some “expendable bench players” who tend to fight a lot.)  🙂
  • Have a cheat code where you can make the center rip a loud fart while the quarterback is calling the play, then hear players chuckle.  (You know this feature should be in the game!  There would probably be casual fans buy the game primarily because of this.)
  • Be able to customize the fields.  I know, most football stadiums are very much alike, and the fields are all the same size, but that can be boring.  I want to change the size of the field, the shape, and put random objects out there.  How about putting a mudhole the width of the field between the 10 and 20 yard lines?  Seems like it would add drama to the game.  I’d also put a flock of sheep at one end.  The options are endless.  This would increase replayability.

If you have any other suggestions, put them in the comments section.