lunar eclipse tomorrow

There will be a total lunar eclipse here tomorrow, August 28, 2007, at 4:52 AM.  I’d like to see it, because the moon will turn to various shades of orange and red.  It would make for some interesting pictures.  However, I’ve already got plans during that time.

If anyone asks why the moon is turning red, you can tell them it’s because the sky is blue.  That’s actually true — some sunlight will still reach it due to refraction in our atmosphere.  If they want further explanation, tell them to go figure out why the sky is blue.  🙂

Or it could be the end of the world, when the moon turns blood red.  Although there will be an accompanying earthquake during that time.  And there will be some other things happening before that.  So it’s probably not that…

One could also posit this as further proof that the moon is broken.  Think about it.  If you ask anyone in the world what color the moon is, they will say white or gray (or, if it’s a woman, perhaps some obscure color name which means white or gray or some combination thereof).  See, everyone knows this, so it’s common knowledge.  So why would the moon be changing colors?

If it were normal for the moon to change colors, that would be fine.  It would be kinda neat if it glowed blue sometimes, or morphed between different colors.  But that’s not normal for our moon.  No, it’s obvious that our moon is broken.  And I’m going to keep telling people until something is done about it.  I know, some people think the moon is harmless, but it’s far from it.  The moon is capable of causing great devastation and destruction on the Earth.  Think about it.  And be afraid… be very afraid…

The less you work, the more work you get done

This new proverb may go against conventional wisdom, because some people assume that you need to work more overtime to get more work accomplished.  But studies have shown that skipping breaks reduces productivity.  And there has been actual research that showed that taking an afternoon siesta (nap) increases productivity.  So this proves that you need to take time away from work to be more productive.  Now look at it this way — if you are becoming less productive because of skipping breaks, then you are accomplishing less per hour.  If you’re accomplishing less per hour, then you must work extra to make up for the difference.  So the more you work, the longer you have to work.  And the converse is true also — the less you work, the less you have to work, because you’re being more productive with your time.

Is it clear?  (Now who’s ready for a break?  Meet me in the lobby.)

Is the moon making you feel fat?

The other night I was riding my bike, and it was more difficult than it used to be.  I was quickly getting tired and out of breath, and it just seemed like I was heavier than I should feel.  So naturally I wondered if gravity has been altered somewhat.  This seems to also affect me even getting up and walking, so it’s not just the bicycle.  It feels like I’m carrying an extra 50 pounds or so, but really, my weight is about average for the typical American male my age.  I wonder if this has something to do with the moon being broken.  The other day I was walking into work around 8:15 AM, and the full moon was shining brightly in the sky.  Everyone knows the moon is supposed to shine at night, so obviously it’s broken.  I suspect that’s why I feel heavier than I should be, because its gravity affects Earth.

Like I mentioned before, I’m gonna sue whoever owns the moon, but not just because the current situation is dangerous, but also because it makes me feel fat.  And that’s a big deal!  In addition to being a major inconvenience, it can also hinder my self-esteem and self-image.

Then again, this could be related to that conspiracy mentioned here recently about Earth’s second moon.  Somebody really should look into that…

getting paid to lose weight

In the town of Varallo, Italy, the mayor has announced that overweight residents will be paid to lose weight.  Men will get $70 for losing 9 pounds in a month and women will get the same amount for losing 7 pounds.  If they keep the weight off for 5 months, they will get another $280.

This is what America needs to do!  I’ll lose 9 pounds, and then I could lose another 9 pounds the next month, and keep them both off.  I could probably do this a few times, and if I kept it all off, I’d bring in over $1000.  That would be good motivation.  Somebody should make this happen here.