Category: In the News

penalized for farting during soccer game

In the news, a football (soccer) player in Europe was penalized for farting during a game.  The official considered it “ungentlemanly conduct”.  What in the world?!?  That kind of thing is gonna happen sometimes, especially when you’re out on a field for hours and running around.  Besides, it’s a natural bodily function.

The incident happened at a bad time for the player’s team, because they are currently without a sponsor.  Perhaps Beano should sponsor them.  🙂

6 pound burrito challenge

I heard where a NASCAR Cafe in Las Vegas sells a 2-foot, 6-pound burrito, and they made it into a challenge.   If people can eat it, they win unlimited rides on a roller coaster.   Hopefully they don’t have to use it that day!  If they fail at the challenge, they have to wear a pink T-shirt that says “Weenie”.  Winners also get a T-shirt, but it says “Conquered the Bomb.”

I think more restaurants should have challenges like that…

spending more to reduce the debt

I don’t know if you’ve heard, but the U.S. economy is having some problems.  There’s a LOT of debt (both private and public, corporate and personal), and there’s not enough money to cover those debts.  It’s way past time to do something about it.  Fortunately, President Barack Obama has a plan.

They say knowing is half the battle, but I’m not sure if Obama really knows what he’s doing (thus I’m not sure he’s even halfway right).  Obama apparently thinks quadrupling the deficit will fix the deficit.  I cannot begin to explain how backwards that sounds.  But if spending more money than we have and sending us deeper into debt 4 times faster helps the economy, then why don’t we do even more?  (I’m afraid he is planning to do more, particularly with the nationalized health care.)

I realize this may all sound foolish.  I mean, how can going further into debt get us out of debt?  The key here is that it has to be called “investing” instead of just “spending”.  Calling it by another name makes all the difference.   That must be it…

And if it will work for our government, maybe it’ll work for us.  Suppose you can decrease your credit card debt by spending 4X as much and putting it on your credit card…*

* Don’t blame us if you try this and your budget blows up and you can’t get credit anymore and the lenders start foreclosing on your properties that you can’t afford.  But be sure to blame Obama if that happens to our country…

Obama's economic plan

stupid lawsuit over a comet

Do you remember when NASA fired a space probe at a comet and hit it?  This was a $333 million mission called “Deep Impact”.  It was very impressive that they were able to hit the comet because it was moving at 23,000 mph.  NASA plans to study the debris generated to hopefully learn how the solar system was formed.

This was a few years ago, so it’s not exactly news, but I just found out something else about it.  A woman named Marina Bai sued the U.S. Space Agency over the mission, claiming it “ruins the natural balance of forces in the universe” and thus would “deform her horoscope”.  She sued for $300 million, for her “moral sufferings”.  (I wonder how bad $300,000,000 worth of “moral sufferings” would feel; I can’t say I’ve ever felt that bad.)

By now, you’ve probably already realized this is a stupid lawsuit.  But it gets even better — the comet in reference, 9P / Tempel, doesn’t actually appear on the horoscope!

So obviously this woman was just making all this up to get rich, but these frivolous lawsuits clog up the justice system (which is already inconceivably slow) and waste taxpayers’ money as well as time and money from the people being sued for no reason.  So can someone sue that woman for being stupid?  Although, on second thought, the ability to sue people for being stupid would overwhelm the court system even more, so perhaps some limits would need to be put in place…