Category: In the News

it might snow — gotta buy milk & bread!

The weather here in Arkansas can be so random… yesterday I was outside playing tennis because it was 62 degrees, and tomorrow we’re expecting from 2 to 8 inches of snow.  For those of you from the north, that amount of snow probably means nothing.  But here, where it snows maybe once or twice a year, it’s a big deal.  It’s been all over the news.  And there was even a segment on the news dedicated to people buying all the milk and bread because snow was mentioned in the weather forecast.

According to the news program, some people rush out to buy milk and bread before potential snow not because of the snow, but because other people will be buying milk and bread because of the snow.  So who started that cycle?  It’s not like we ever have more than a couple days of wintry weather, and it’s not like you can’t eat if you run out of milk and bread for a day or two.  So why is it such a big deal?

I wonder if that happens anywhere else but the South.  If there’s any readers north of here, do you experience anything like that?  I’d guess not, because road crews clear the roads quickly.  Here, if snow sticks to the road, the town shuts down.  People start leaving work when they see snow falling.  When I used to work for a large IT corporation, I worked with clients in Chicago and New York City, and they would be shocked that people couldn’t get into work for two inches of snow.  But that’s how it is.  The roads don’t get cleared quickly, and there is little to no public transportation, and there’s often some amount of ice, whether initially or the next day.  That may seem weird, the town closing down, but I kinda like it.

Hopefully we’ll get a LOT of snow so I can build giant snow creations (like a snow castle).  And of course, a day or two off work is nice…  🙂

the American Redneck Society

I heard that a man in Virginia founded the American Redneck Society recently.

The website has a page dedicated to what it means to be a redneck.  There isn’t a single specific answer to that question.  But according to the website, if you answer yes to any one of the following questions, you can proudly consider yourself a redneck.

1. Do you like to hunt or fish?
2. Are you a fan of NASCAR?
3. Do you own a pickup truck?
4. Are you a gun-owner?
5. Do you like country music?
6. Do you laugh at and identify with “you might be a redneck” jokes?
7. Do you agree with the creed of the American Redneck Society?
8. Are you a proud supporter of the U.S. military?
9. Can you fix just about anything with duct tape?
10. Did you think “duct” tape in question 9 should have been “duck” tape?

That’s going to include a lot of people, if you have to answer yes to only one of them…

Apparently you can get a number of store discounts if you become a paying member, so there looks to be something to it…

NASA found extraterrestrial life – what now?

NASA announced last week that extraterrestrial life has been found… in California.  If you’re expecting a big, scary alien, you’re going to be massively disappointed.  It’s just some microscopic bacteria living in mud by a lake.  Although, as one scientist on TV pointed out, they look like potatoes if you zoom in enough.

Although, if evolution were true, then that bacteria could develop a brain and a body, and it might eventually enslave us all.   So maybe we should wipe it out now, while we are more evolved than it.  We might not have millions of years — some things mutate faster than others.  I’ve seen “documentaries” that show how crazy such things can get.  And you know the scientists that have this bacteria will expose it to all kinds of chemicals in their testing, and what if that’s all part of the plan?  What if a certain element on Earth gives it superpowers like Superman?  Someone has to consider these things…

Actually, we might need to fear more than just the aliens themselves.  What if some power-starved human or wild animal decides to join forces?  They might eat or absorb this alien life force and mutate into some super-human being!  What if they get super powers because of it?  The time to act is now!  And so we need a government grant to research and contain this.   I figure a few billion dollars would be sufficient — you can’t be too careful!

I know, some of you may wonder if the Buffet o’ Blog staff is qualified for such a task.  The answer is MOST DEFINITELY!  We would have the best weaponry possible, and we would contain (and potentially destroy) this alien life form.  We would also develop numerous “worst case” scenarios, along with the best plan of offense and defense.  And to test such systems before they are needed, we would run thousands of advanced computer simulations of us defending off alien invasions.  We are obviously the right people for this job.  So if the government will just send the necessary funds our way, we can get started on this most important task.

Somebody has to save the world…

the junk food diet that works!

Have you heard of the Twinkie diet?  It’s also known as a convenience store diet.   A professor of human nutrition decided to prove that the main cause of weight loss was counting calories, not the nutritional value of the food.  So for two months, he ate a small meal of junk food every three hours.   His meals consisted of Twinkies, Hostess and Little Debbie snacks, Doritos, sugary cereals, and Oreos.  That was two-thirds of his diet — the rest included a daily protein shake, some vegetables, and a multivitamin pill.  His project was a success, in that he lost 27 pounds in two months.

Would deep-fried Oreos fit in this "diet"?

Sounds great, right?  When I heard this, I was thinking, “Where do you sign up for this kind of research?!?”  What made his “diet” effective was that he limited himself to less than 1,800 calories a day.  A man of his size would normally consume 2,600 calories per day.  The key to his “diet” (and any diet) was to consume fewer calories than he burned.   It makes sense.  (That’s my approach, although it looks like I haven’t been eating enough junk food!)

You might assume this his junk food diet would make his health worse, but it actually didn’t.  His “bad” cholesterol (LDL) dropped 20 percent and his “good” cholesterol (HDL) increased by 20 percent.  His level of triglycerides (a measure of body fat) went down by 39 percent.  That’s inconceivable.

So according to his research experiment and the documented results, you can eat Twinkies and Oreos and Doritos every day and become healthier! The numbers don’t lie.

At this link there’s a list of what his typical daily diet would include: Twinkie diet helps professor lose 27 pounds.

I almost hesitate to admit this next part because it might mean that the self-proclaimed “Important Doctor” might actually know something about nutrition and be right, but perhaps there is some validity to the bacon and cheese diet, if used in moderation.  I decided to put that in here because it sounds like some research is in order…  🙂   We also need to add Cheetos and Oreos and ice cream to it.   Then include copious amounts of Southern-style sweet tea, and it would be the most awesome diet ever.