Tag: Random

funny quotes, issue #78

Here’s a few funny quotes collected by our resident quotesmith, for your reading enjoyment today.

If you don’t have a sense of humor, you probably don’t have any sense at all.

Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without.

Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone else looks?

Do you realize that in about 40 years, we’ll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos? (And rap music will be the Golden Oldies!)

I don’t like hypothetical situations because it is like lying to your brain. ~ Jack McBrayer

I would’ve made a great comedian… it’s just that I hate it when people laugh at me. 🙂 ~ Mango-Man

Mustaches grow on you after a while…

I don’t kill flies but I like to mess with their minds. I hold them above globes. They freak out and yell, “Whoa, I’m way too high.” ~ Bruce Baum

I’m surprised more people don’t appreciate this obvious dieting tip: If you want to lose a significant amount of weight, it’s important to start out really fat. ~ Joseph Moore

That’s all for now, so a certain reader won’t say my posts are too long.  🙂   If you want to read more random quotes, be sure to click on the Quotes category in the sidebar.  There’s more where this came from…

funny quotes about Mondays, part 2

One of the more popular pages here at Buffet o’ Blog is random Monday quotes.  Since that was published, I’ve come across even more humorous quotes about Mondays.  So consider this post part 2.

There is a technical meteorological term for a sunny, warm day which follows two rainy days.  It’s called a “Monday”.

“Boy, is it ever Monday!” ~ Strong Bad

“I’m far too cool to come in on Monday mornings.” ~ Turtle Dundee, when he was taking a vacation day on Monday

“Mondays are stupid!” ~ Mango-Man

“I decree Monday as part of the weekend.   And while I’m busy decreeing I’m also gonna add Friday into the weekend as well.   It’s really better off that way… since no one really gets much done on Friday anyway.  🙂  That just leaves Tuesday through Thursday… so I can deal with that!  Especially since I’ve also decreed that the work day shall not start until 10!  So along with the mandatory 2-hour lunch and leaving at 4 (in order to miss the traffic of course) I think I’ve found a good “balance” of life and work… especially when you factor in the new improved longer bathroom breaks and the personal masseuse that now comes standard with all work cubes — they stand behind you while you work and massage your shoulders and back so you can be more productive.   They also run short errands for you to bring you other essentials to you being productive (for example snacks, TEA, Legos!).” ~ Mango-Man, 9/2/08

funny pictures, episode 1

Today I’m gonna show you some funny pictures.  I have quite a stash of them in my inventory, and everyone likes seeing funny pictures, right?  [All together now: “YAY!”]

This isn’t an official caption contest, but that doesn’t matter.  If you think of something funny to add to these pics in way of a caption, have at it.  Share the humor.  That way, instead of just you laughing, countless untold dozens of people get to laugh also.  Maybe somebody will even go so far as to think you’re funny!  (It could happen…)

FYI, some of them you might be able to click on to access a larger version.  Now, on to the pictures!  Ready… set… SCROLL!

Perhaps this should be retitled "Magazine for Wussy Men"...
Perhaps this should be retitled "Magazine for Wussy Men"...
I have no idea what's going on here...
I have no idea what's going on here...

man-with-sign-need-karate-lessons

I know some people who should sign up...
I know some people who should sign up...
Obviously fake, but it would be awesome if he had one.
Obviously fake, but it would be awesome if he had one.
Here is a time to be bipartisan...
Here is a time to be bipartisan...

That concludes our introductory pilot episode of funny pictures.  I’m creating a category for it, so you can click on it to quickly find the other ones (later).  Also of note, there have been funny pictures posted previously, particularly in the “Say What?” caption contests.

Is it illegal to pass gas?

Is it illegal to pass gas?  Usually not, as far as I know, but a man named Jose Cruz found out otherwise.  This week, in South Charleston, West Virginia, Cruz was arrested for driving under the influence (DUI).  When police were trying to get his fingerprints back at the station, he passed gas on an officer.  Here’s what was filed in the official police report:

During processing Ptlm. Cook was taking the defendant’s fingerprints while Ptlm. Parsons was typing data into the Intoximeters 5000 machine.  Ptlm. Parsons was in a chair approx. 4-5 feet away from the fingerprinting station.   The defendant scooted the 4 feet to Ptlm. Parsons, away from officer Cook, and lifted his leg and passed gas loudly on Ptlm. Parsons.   Then defendant then fanned the air with his hand in front of his rear onto Ptlm. Parsons.   The gas was very odorous and created contact of an insulting or provoking nature with Ptlm. Parsons.

Ironically, he next had to take the breath test, and he couldn’t give a sufficient sample because he was having trouble breathing.  🙂

For doing all that, they charged him with “battery on an officer” and “obstructing an officer”.  I realize no one wants to be farted on, but is it really a criminal offense?   Did the officer think it was chemical warfare?   (Maybe it’s psychological warfare.)  Two days later, police dropped the charges relating to his flatulence.

Although, now that I think about it, the police were just trying to maintain law and odor.  🙂