Tag: news

must keep eating

I just heard in the news that there’s a woman who must eat every 15 minutes to stay alive.  She eats up to 60 small meals a day, consuming between 5,000 and 8,000 calories per day, yet she cannot gain any weight.   She gets excited if she gains even one pound.  She wears size triple zero clothes.  The doctors say it’s a condition called NPS.

I wonder if I have some type of eating disorder, because I often feel the need to eat big, fattening meals, and I’m unable to lose weight.  🙂  If only there was some important doctor who could offer me some advice…

how not to relieve shoulder pain

Over the years, people have done countless stupid things.  You could fill a blog documenting such things and never run out of content (and I’m sure somebody is trying).  Albert Einstein supposedly said, “Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not even sure about the universe.”   I’ve also heard it said that “the 2 most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.”  I’m not going to argue with that.  I suppose stupidity is limitless because imagination is limitless.  Some people use their imagination for good, while some people use it to invent new ways of being stupid.

The reason I’m thinking of that is because of something I heard in the news this week.  A woman in Michigan hurt her shoulder trying to keep her 80-pound Labrador from fighting with her Chihuahuas, and she was unemployed and couldn’t afford to get health care because she had no health insurance.   The pain supposedly became too much to bear, so she became desperate.  The hospital wouldn’t treat her unless it was an emergency, so she borrowed a gun and shot her shoulder, so the hospital would be required to treat her.  On TV, she said she figured this would be better than the pain she was currently dealing with.  Before shooting herself, she put pillows in front of and behind her shoulder, along with an ice pack.

Her plan backfired, though, because the bullet missed all of the affected areas, so the doctors in the emergency room didn’t have to work on her previous problem.   So now she has the shoulder pain and a gunshot wound to deal with.  Afterward, she said, “It didn’t take the pain away.  I figured it would take the pain away from the rotator cuff, where at least I could focus on something else, and maybe they would fix me, you know.  I guess I should have shot a little lower and got the bone and the artery.”  I’m not sure she learned her lesson…

it can be healthy to be fat

According to cutting-edge research, it is actually healthy to have a fat butt.  That sounds like something crazier than I would ever even make up, but it’s the gist of an article I happened to find on a news website.

For all the people with fat around their stomach, that’s totally unhealthy, unfortunately.  I’ll have to keep looking for some cutting-edge research that finds a way to explain how that’s somehow healthy…

(BTW, I’ve heard blogging professionals say you should include pictures with your posts, to increase interest.  I try to do that sometimes.  But I think this post is an exception.  You should be thankful I realized that…)

men are more evolved than women

This may stir something up, but I’m not afraid of controversy.  Besides, facts are facts, right?  According to a news release this week, scientists have now concluded that men are more evolved than women.  Before we jump into the debate of what that means, here’s an excerpt from the article:

Women may think of men as primitive, but new research indicates that the Y chromosome — the thing that makes a man male — is evolving far faster than the rest of the human genetic code. … These changes occurred in the last 6 million years or so, relatively recently when it comes to evolution.

Genetics researcher R. Scott Hawley said, “Wow, that result is astounding.”  Are you surprised, too?

Now, I realize some of you don’t believe in evolution (or at least parts of it).  Regardless of that, scientists are just trying to figure out why men are more “evolved” than women.  Maybe it was something else.  Who knows?

Before you get mad at me, remember I’m just relaying info I saw in the news, for your convenience.  You can draw your own conclusions.  We report, you decide.

(BTW, if the conversation in the comments gets a little heated, remember this is a humor site, so jokes will be made.  If you can’t handle it, you can just browse somewhere else before you get all offended.  Thank you, drive thru…)