Tag: hypothetical

funny quotes, issue #78

Here’s a few funny quotes collected by our resident quotesmith, for your reading enjoyment today.

If you don’t have a sense of humor, you probably don’t have any sense at all.

Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without.

Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone else looks?

Do you realize that in about 40 years, we’ll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos? (And rap music will be the Golden Oldies!)

I don’t like hypothetical situations because it is like lying to your brain. ~ Jack McBrayer

I would’ve made a great comedian… it’s just that I hate it when people laugh at me. 🙂 ~ Mango-Man

Mustaches grow on you after a while…

I don’t kill flies but I like to mess with their minds. I hold them above globes. They freak out and yell, “Whoa, I’m way too high.” ~ Bruce Baum

I’m surprised more people don’t appreciate this obvious dieting tip: If you want to lose a significant amount of weight, it’s important to start out really fat. ~ Joseph Moore

That’s all for now, so a certain reader won’t say my posts are too long.  🙂   If you want to read more random quotes, be sure to click on the Quotes category in the sidebar.  There’s more where this came from…

all the animals are missing!

Let’s think outside of the box for a moment…

What if God decided to rapture the animals first?  What if He decided we were too mean to them or that we don’t deserve them anymore?  Picture it — you might be eating a cheeseburger, and then all the meat disappears.  The collective cries of millions around the world would be, “WHERE’S THE BEEF?”  Fast food joints and established restaurants would all be sued, as meatless burgers and missing steaks would cause an outrage.  Some people would starve, being allergic to vegetables.  Pets would be missing, and the police would be overwhelmed with missing pet calls.  The world would go into utter chaos and destruction.  It could be the end of society as we know it.

[Ed. note: Before “Captain Literal” makes an appearance, let me say this is completely hypothetical.  I know the Scriptures, and there is no reference to animals being raptured, especially before mankind.  So save your “know-it-all” remarks for other sites that might care about your super-serious remarks.  The whole point of this is to laugh.  Now, I realize some people are humorless, and it’s their loss.  Laughing can add +8 years to your life, so I’ve heard.  And laughing does a body good (even better than medicine, in my opinion).  If you’re unable to laugh, life must be really hard on you.  I wouldn’t want to be in your shoes.  But if that’s you, then you should spend a few minutes here at this blog, and find something that might make you laugh.  Being an adult doesn’t mean you should quit laughing or take everything seriously.  Other people don’t always take you seriously, so why should you?  🙂  BTW, all this advice is free.  Really, you owe us nothing.  But if your life is now changed and you actually enjoy life again, you should become a regular here at this blog.  And if you want to show your gratitude, you’re always welcome to send us cookies or pay for our next trip to Larry’s Pizza.  Thank you, drive thru…]