Tag: blood pressure

viewer mail, issue #12

It’s been a while since we’ve opened the viewer mailbag, so let’s do this.  First, we’re going to answer an actual message sent to us via our contact form, by Neil:

very cool are you selling or anything?

Well, Neil, currently this blog is not for sale.  Though for enough money, we might consider it.  (We’ll entertain any offer, regardless of size, so don’t be afraid to ask.)  Also, we don’t currently sell any merchandise, although I’d like for that to change.  If we can come up with a cool logo, we could get some T-shirts printed, for all our super-fans to buy and wear proudly.  🙂

Now we’ll look at some of the search terms that have brought people to this blog.  These are actual search terms, not modified in any way.  We’re going to give you answers for what you are searching for.  🙂

  • how to tell a coworker they smell — There are a lot of possible methods for this, but if you want to be discreet and anonymous, you can write a note that says, “You smell like -> ” and put it next to a picture of poop.  Or, if you’re really bold, you can even put some real poop there — that will make a bolder statement and will surely give them something to think about.
  • buffet know-how — Are you looking for a tutorial on how to eat at restaurants with a buffet?  Honestly, I never thought one was necessary.  You just eat the food you like, in whatever quantities you want.  The only strategy is to eat fast if you want to maximize food consumption.  I suppose you could also consider which foods are more filling, but really, the purpose of a buffet is that you eat what you want.
  • what men do in bathrooms dynomite — While there are certain scenarios where creating explosions using dynamite would be fun in a bathroom, most of them are quite dangerous and probably illegal.  So usually there isn’t any dynamite being used — it just sounds like it.  🙂
  • bad farts cause headache — My research does not support this hypothesis.  Has anyone else done any research in this area?
  • cholesterol in wendy’s bacon hamburger — Are you referring to the infamous Baconator?  I know about it, because I ate one in the name of research.  🙂  If you want the nutritional information, you can get it easily enough.  Wendy’s is required to give you this information if you ask, and it’s on their website, but first you need to ask yourself if you really want to know.  I mean, you already know it’s not healthy — it’s a fast-food double cheeseburger with six strips of bacon on it.  If you’re wanting to eat healthy, you should not even be tempting yourself with looking up this information.
  • “ferment beans” — Why would you want to do that?  Are you trying to make an alcoholic beverage that tastes like beans and has the associated side-effects?  I don’t recommend it.  Or do you want to make refried beans that make you “tankered up” (drunk)?  Again, I don’t recommend this.
  • i think your super — Y’know, I’m not surprised this search term found me.  I’m super in more ways than you know.  But to whoever did that search, you might should work on your grammar — it’s not cool to use words incorrectly (unless it’s on purpose).
  • CRAYONS AND BLOOD PRESSURE — This seems random, but that’s what we specialize in here.  🙂  This phrase could be parsed a couple of different ways, so I will answer both.  1) Eating crayons probably doesn’t help your blood pressure, and it may make it worse because bad things might be going on inside your body while you digest and pass crayons.  Just don’t eat them.  The other alternative: 2) coloring with crayons can be relaxing, so that could help lower your blood pressure.  I know, coloring is often looked at as a children’s pastime, but it can still be fun, even for adults.  If you’re one of those thinking coloring is childish, YOU SHOULD QUIT BEING SO OLD!  Try it…

With that last piece of advice, I will wrap up this week’s issue of viewer mail.  (Ironically, this series isn’t published weekly, probably closer to monthly, but it could be done weekly because of all the visitors we have here.  But there’s so much other cool stuff to write on, that this series sometimes get neglected.  It’s like I just start typing and randomness overflows.  You may wonder why I don’t publish multiple times per day, then.  Well, I could, but I have stuff to do.  That is, I have a life (plus another blog).  If someone were to make donations, I could easily justify writing more.  But I digress…)

the special days of May, pt 1

As we’ve done in previous months, we’re going to look at the special days and holidays of this month.  As usual, this is not a complete list — those can be found elsewhere.  But I guarantee you will not find another list like this one.  This is not a mere list, because we add our own unique commentary and analysis.  In other words, we try to make it more fun.  And you are welcome to add to the discussion in the comments section.

Let’s get started with the month-long celebrations and observances:

  • Date Your Mate Month — Ideally your special relationship wouldn’t be too much different from dating to marriage, but it usually changes anyway.  So this is a good idea, to go out on a date, putting aside all the marital responsibilities and just have fun and get to know each other more.
  • National Barbecue Month — I like the food holidays!  BBQ is excellent, and it can apply to many different kinds of meats : pork, beef, chicken, etc.  Since this holiday lasts all month, that gives you time to make multiple visits to local BBQ restaurants (or cook your own), so you can try the different varieties.
  • National Blood Pressure Month — I have blood pressure every month, so I don’t see why there’s a holiday for it.  It’s not something you need to think about.  On the other hand, if you have high blood pressure, that’s something to think about, but the holiday isn’t named high blood pressure month.  Besides, if your blood pressure is high, you need to think about it more than just one month per year.  And (another) besides, we’ve already discussed this (in a humorous context).  Next, please…
  • bacon cheeseburgerNational Hamburger Month — Ahh, did I mention that I like the food holidays?  :)  Hamburgers, or, should I say, cheeseburgers, are one of the best foods ever.  This is especially true when you grill it yourself.  For some reason, restaurants usually don’t make them as good, even if you’re using a gas grill at home.  Since this is an official holiday, I reckon I should grill burgers at least every week this month, if not more often.
  • National Photograph Month — Here is a photo of a burger.  🙂  This looks like art to me!
  • National Recommitment Month — Some of you need to reconsider your commitment to reading this blog.  By that, I mean you should come here every day, or close to it, to read the new posts and check out the latest comments and write some comments.  The more, the merrier…
  • National Salad Month — It doesn’t seem like a good idea to me for this to be in the same month as the hamburger and barbecue.  I mean, who’s gonna choose salad over those other options?  Pass!
  • asparagusOlder Americans Month — I wonder if there’s a month for younger Americans…
  • Asparagus Month — I’m not sure if asparagus is even food.  Look at it — would you eat that?  It looks like weeds in an untended field.  I make a motion that we declare it a non-food.  Do I hear a second?  Also, does it even have any good uses?
  • Flower Month — There’s a certain reader here who will appreciate this (both the month and the picture).
  • National Mental Health Month — If you have mental health, you should celebrate it, perhaps by eating a bacon cheeseburger.  🙂  While you’re at it, go ahead and eat two.  Your mental health is not affected by fattening foods, so eat all you want.  🙂  Also, know that laughing is an important component of mental health.  Some say laughing can add about 7 years to your life.  Plus, it’s fun to laugh.  So it’s win-win for everyone. And that’s what this blog is here for — for everyone to win.  🙂
  • National Strawberry Month — It seems odd to dedicate a whole month to strawberries, as small as they are, but since chocolate-covered strawberries are scrumptious, I’ll include them in this listing.

Now let’s move on to the weekly celebrations:

  • Week 2 — Wildflower Week — Uhh… what are you supposed to do with this?  Plant more wildflowers?  But if you plant them, are they really wildflowers?  Maybe that “certain reader” can explain the appeal of this holiday, because I sure don’t get it.
  • dog costume YodaWeek 2 — National Pet Week — I reckon this is a good week to have a pet.  :)  I’ll include a picture for your inspiration.  (I normally don’t care much about dressing dogs up, but getting him to look like Yoda is cool.)
  • Last Week — National Backyard Games Week — This is kinda vague.  There’s a lot of games you can play in your backyard, if it’s big enough.  But either way, the point I want to make with this holiday, is that you should invite some friends over, play outdoor games while the weather is still good, and either grill burgers or barbecue.  That way you’re celebrating several of these special holidays at once, and everyone is happy (if they’re invited).

This is getting long, and I’ve been told some of my posts are too long, so I’m going to break this up into multiple parts.  To be continued…  (click here to search for the other ones.)