Tag: animals

I have a dinosaur in my backyard

It’s true! I saw a real-life living dinosaur, and it was starting to build a nest where I didn’t want one, so I confronted it and scared it away! I battled a dinosaur and lived to tell the tale! Afterward, it glared at me in seething anger, but I glared back, and it chose to retreat to the neighbor’s yard, so I let it go. I actually defeated a dinosaur! (Yeah, there’s a lot of things you don’t know about me!)

This isn’t my backyard. It would be neat if it was, but mine is somewhat less dramatic, with much smaller dinosaurs. Mine also has considerably less mountains.

So how can I say this and claim it’s true? Do you think this is some embellished memoir? Well, according to some scientist, it’s true. Check this quote out:

“Today’s birds evolved from dinosaurs, which makes them every bit as much of a dinosaur as T. rex or Triceratops.” ~ Steve Brusatte, paleontologist

I suppose someone could make that argument, but it still sounds silly. Granted, I’m no paleontologist nor an ornithologist, so I didn’t have any voice in debating what to call them. But still, I have a voice, and I’m writing in my corner of the internet on a blog that’s had over a million pageviews, so I have some reach, and I’ll share my opinion anyway. (Always glad to share my ignorance. I’ve got plenty.) Maybe it would be better to just say modern birds descended from dinosaurs. (I still don’t know that that’s true, but it sounds better.) It just sounds wrong to say that I have dinosaurs in my backyard… And it takes away from the mystique of dinosaurs.

But if you want to play along with that thinking, you can tell people you have a dinosaur in your backyard. Or that you’re stronger than a dinosaur. Or that you’ve killed a dinosaur. Or that you’ve eaten a dinosaur. It could be a fun conversation piece. Try it (with people who appreciate humor).

a pet alligator on a leash

From the is-this-for-real department…

A Phillies fan tried to get into the baseball game with an alligator on a leash, saying it was a “service animal”. Judging by the picture, this alligator is at least 6 feet long, which is certainly large enough to seriously injure someone.

Surely this is a prank or joke or Photoshop. Has an alligator ever been domesticated? They don’t really care for humans, in general. I’ve never heard of one being a pet. And the danger factor is off-the-charts — one bite and you could lose an arm or a leg. So I’d guess this is not real. However, people do weird things, and it would not surprise me if someone actually attempted this. It doesn’t make any logical sense, but since when has that stopped some people?

Okay, so I did some research, and this actually is an emotional support animal named Wally for someone in Philadelphia. So it’s legit, but why? How does an alligator provide emotional support? I don’t get it. Honestly, if an alligator is what is giving you emotional support maybe feelings aren’t for you… 🙂

FYI, the gator wasn’t allowed into the game. I hope security took advantage of the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to say “See you later alligator!”

a cat helicopter

There’s a lot of strange stuff out there in the world and on teh internets.  That’s no surprise to you.  But this is one of the weirdest stories I’ve ever come across.

A Dutch artist named Bart Jansen had a cat named Orville (which is ironic, as you will see) who died after being hit by a car.  So he mourned for a while, then converted his dead cat into a helicopter.  This isn’t just art — it actually flies.  He calls it the Orvillecopter, and describes it as “half-cat, half-machine”.  (You could also call it the cat-mobile.)  It is literally a taxidermied cat with a propeller attached to each paw and an engine in his stomach, and it is controlled via a remote control.

The artist’s statement says he focuses on the meeting-point between technological progress and human error.  I suppose it’s better to wax philosophical about turning your dead cat into a helicopter rather than doing it just because you can.  Although I wonder if he came up with that saying before or after this art project.  Whatever…

The artist says about his cat “he received his wings posthumously” and “now he is flying with the birds — the greatest goal a cat could ever reach!”  (I’m sure there are more puns to be had at this, but that’s enough for this post.)

Of course this “art” has sparked outrage among some animal rights groups.  The owner clearly says no animals were harmed for this project, which technically is true.  Nonetheless, some people will get offended at anything.  At an art fair showcasing Orvillecopter, some anonymous animal rights activists wrote graffiti saying “Kill the animal killers”.  Apparently they don’t know the story.  That’s like those people (sometimes called trolls) who leave hateful comments without even reading the article.  Another activist said the artist should be thrown in a vat of manure when he dies.  So is the message that you should do something mean to someone if you disagree with them on ethical issues?  Isn’t that highly ironic (and hypocritical)?

Personally, I wouldn’t do this to a family pet.  But if he’s going to do it, he might as well go all out.  He should make the blades as transparent as possible and have the stand fold up underneath.  Then it would look like just a flying cat.  He could also consider mounting water pistols on it, to shoot people or animals while dive-bombing them.

If you want to see the Orvillecopter in action, flying around and terrorizing cows, here’s a video (which even features the theme song from Airwolf*):

* Some of you may not know about Airwolf.  It was a TV show in the ’80s that featured a secret high-tech military helicopter tricked-out for fighting criminals, who usually flew helicopters, too.  I don’t know if the show has aged well (I’ve never seen reruns of it), but as a kid, I thought it was cool.  There was cool music and sound effects, and there was usually real explosions.  There’s not enough TV sitcoms these days that feature explosions…  But I digress…  Here’s a brief introduction to Airwolf.

my favorite animal

I don’t usually post non-original jokes here, but I heard one last night that I thought was really neat (and it even makes some valid points while being funny).

Our teacher asked us what our favorite animal was, and I said, “Fried chicken”. She said I wasn’t funny, but she couldn’t have been right, because everyone else in the class laughed.

My parents told me to always be truthful and honest, and I am. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals very much. I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef.

Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal’s office. I told him what happened, and he laughed too. Then he told me not to do it again.

The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was. I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, just like she’d asked the other children. So I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken. She sent me back to the principal’s office again. He laughed, and told me not to do it again.

I don’t understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn’t like it when I am. Today, my teacher asked us to tell her what famous person we admire most. I told her, “Colonel Sanders”.

Guess where I am now…