Based on research* I’ve conducted this week, I’ve noticed the trend of people decorating for Halloween more than in years past.  Appropriately, I recently posted a great idea for decorating during this season.  However, I realize that idea was very non-traditional (in some ways), and some people aren’t comfortable with being such a trendsetter.  (But when they start selling like hotcakes next year, remember that you heard it here first!)  So today I am posting a new idea.  It’s still somewhat revolutionary, but not quite as extreme as the previous one.

It looks like a normal jack o’lantern, but it is equipped with the technology of shooting fire out its mouth and/or nose.  It can be triggered by either a motion sensor or a remote control.  Just imagine the trick you can play on children who come to your house for candy!  It would be fun for the entire family.  It also has a self-destruct button, for those of you who want to get a little crazy and set the whole thing on fire.  It’s guaranteed to burn continuously for at least 30 minutes, for lasting satisfaction.

We are now taking orders.  It’s priced affordably for those of you who can afford to buy crap to put in your yard for Halloween.  Be the first on your block to get one!

* Research conducted while driving to work.  (Fooled some of you, didn’t I?  HA!)

WordPress, who provides the great software that powers this blog, has now added the option of assigning an avatar to each blog.  If you’re unfamiliar with avatars, it’s a small picture that represents you.  Often people put a mug shot of their face, but we don’t want to do that.  My face is mostly boring and not all that random.  This is where you come in…

We are having a contest to help us determine what type of picture we should use.  Naturally, we want something random and/or funny.  So if you have any suggestions, list them in the comments section of this post.  Our panel of celebrity judges will meticulously examine each entry.  If your idea is selected, you will become eligible for lots of fabulous prizes.

Disclaimer: No purchase necessary.  Drawing will be held when the winning entry is received.  Must be present to win.  Chances of winning are zero in a million.  You may send in a 4×6 card for the same odds.  Entries that siphon will be discarded.  Judges decisions are final.  Actual prizes may not exist.  You agree that we will not be held liable for your stupidity.  If you get offended, get over it — it’s not our fault.  This contest is subject to change without notice.  See participating dealers for details.  Any resemblance to actual contests, games, or lizards is unintentional and purely coincidental.  Participation constitutes agreement to these terms.  No substitutions allowed.  For a limited time only.  This contest is a void pointer to null where prohibited, taxed, or otherwise restricted.  Ideas and concepts are provided “as is” without any warranties expressed or implied.  Not liable for damages due to use or misuse or inability to understand.  User assumes full liabilities.  Action figures sold separately.  If a rash, redness, irritation, or swelling develops, discontinue use.  Keep away from open flames and avoid inhaling gaseous fumes.  Avoid contact with eyes.  No animals were used to test the deliverability of this message.  Do not place near any magnetic source.  If ingested, do not induce vomiting.  This disclaimer does not cover hurricane, lightning, tornado, volcanic eruption, earthquake, flood, or any other natural disaster, misuse, neglect, repair, attempted modification, bugs in the code, damage from improper installation, incorrect line voltage, cosmic rays, missing or altered serial numbers, sonic boom vibrations, electromagnetic radiation from nuclear blasts, and incidents related to airplane crash, ship sinking, motor vehicle accidents, leaky roof, alien attack, broken glass, black holes, falling rocks, mud slides, forest fire, flying squirrels, verbal assaults, or house arrest.  Other restrictions may apply.

On the radio I heard a commercial about preventing forest fires, then at the end someone said, “This message brought to you by Smokey the Bear.”  But he wasn’t in it.  So I wondered — is he retired?  Is he just sitting around collecting a check while people use his name to teach people about preventing forest fires?  Must be nice…  I’d like to sit at home while someone does my work, then after it’s done, says, “This work brought to you by Beppo.”  I wonder how I can make this happen…  hmm…