man injured after lighting a firecracker in his butt

This really happened, in Britain recently.  I’m not sure why anyone would want to attempt this.  Well, I mean, I suppose it would be funny, but you’d think at some point prior to doing it his common sense would kick in and say, “Y’know, this is probably not a good idea.”  You have to expect it to hurt…

The report says he suffered “burns and other unspecified internal injuries”.  I’m kinda glad they left it “unspecified”.  He’s gonna be in pain for a while.  And he’s gonna be reminded of this every few hours — every time he has to take a dump or even rip a fart.  I think it’s safe to say he probably learned an important lesson from this, but it’s a painful lesson…

Monday the 13th

If people dread Friday the 13th, considering it bad, how much worse is Monday the 13th?  Think about it…

(That was today, in case you didn’t notice…)

why do alarm clocks exist?

I think alarm clocks came about because of the fall of man…

In Heaven, we may not even need to sleep.  But if we did, I suspect there would be no alarm clocks — we’d just wake up at the right time.  Because it seems like Heaven shouldn’t have annoying buzzing machines that disturb your rest…  🙂

I’d make a good fat guy

Today I came across a headline called I’d Make A Good Fat Guy.  It’s a neat perspective.  It’s easy to get fat, I think, but not everyone can do it well.  Here’s an excerpt from the article :

I recently read somewhere that 64 percent of adult Americans are overweight or obese. And it got me to thinking: If I had to, not only could I put on the extra weight, but I’d actually be a pretty impressive fat guy.

I’ve already got the eating part down. I love food. Who doesn’t? And the prospect of eating three Denver omelets with extra cheese for breakfast, a Big Mac for lunch, a bucket of fried chicken for dinner, and a cheesesteak for a midnight snack, all the while sucking down four or five 32-ounce Cokes, is too inviting to resist.

He also goes on to explain why most fat people aren’t that good at being fat, and that he would put the “jolly” back in “fat and jolly”.  It’s a good read…