caption contest, synchronized swimming

Are you ready for another caption contest?  (You’d better be!)  The past two weeks I’ve been using Olympic-themed pictures, and even though the Beijing Olympics have finished, I’m going to continue that trend.  Although, this one is quite a stretch to picture in the Olympics.  There is synchronized swimming, but this is not quite what it normally looks like.  But write whatever you want about it, whether Olympics-themed or not.  And have fun!

(To see the other caption contests, click on the “Say What?” category in the sidebar.)

methane contributes to global warming

There are companies now selling “carbon credits”, making billions of dollars.  But carbon is not the only element contributing to global warming.  Researchers say methane is 23 times more potent than carbon dioxide in trapping heat in the atmosphere.  As we discussed in the last post, cows contribute significantly to global warming via the methane they produce with their flatulence.  But I’m willing to overlook that, because they play an important role in my diet.

However, there are some people who produce an undue amount of methane, way more than normal.  These people are not only polluting the immediate atmosphere, but they are contributing to global warming.  Of course, some of them might get offended if I told them they had to quit passing gas and belching so much, and you could argue that I would be infringing on their rights.  So I’ve found a good solution.  Effective immediately, I will be selling methane credits.  That’s right, for a small fee (paid to me), you can pass gas all you want, and I will plant trees to offset your personal pollution.  (I will also give you plenty of personal space!)

studying gas from cows

In an effort to reduce global warming, scientists are now studying flatulence produced by cows.  This is from an actual news article:

Argentine scientists are taking a novel approach to studying global warming — strapping plastic tanks to the backs of cows to collect their burps and farts. … Scientists at the National Institute of Agricultural Technology in Castelar, Argentina, will analyze the gas collected from cows. Scientists around the world are studying the amount of methane in gas expelled by cows and Argentine researchers have come up with a unique way to collect and analyze it. …

“When we got the first results, we were surprised. Thirty percent of Argentina’s (total greenhouse) emissions could be generated by cows,” said Guillermo Berra, a researcher at the National Institute of Agricultural Technology. Berra said the researchers “never thought” a cow weighing 550 kg (1,210 lb) could produce 800 to 1,000 litres (28 to 35 cubic feet) of emissions each day.

Notice that these scientists are studying and analyzing gas from cows.  How would you like that job?  I bet it stinks to have to do that every day!  (Pun very much intended.)

But maybe these scientists are onto something.  If a cow is producing more than its fair share of methane, then that’s not fair to the rest of us.  Likewise, I know some people who produce more methane than a normal human should.  Perhaps the government should require them to add Beano to their food…

Earth’s dominance in the Miss Universe pageant

I don’t keep up with beauty pageants and such foolishness, but I recently saw a headline about it.  A woman from Earth won yet again in the Miss Universe pageant.  That’s 56 straight years an earthling has won.  That’s complete dominance.  But it makes me wonder if people / aliens in the other parts of the universe are even invited to that competition.  If not, it should be renamed.

In semi-related news, Miss USA tripped in the evening gown competition, for the second year in a row.  I’m not going to poke fun at that, though.  I know, it’s easy to laugh because that makes her look clumsy and it’s certainly not going to help her score.  But look at it from her perspective.  There’s all that pressure of walking in front of people, and these models surely have to do a lot of preparation for walking in a dress and high heels.  I have no idea how difficult that is.  Surely it must be tough, if she’s going to trip and fall down a couple of times…

For next year’s competitions, one of the requirements in preliminary competitions might be that you can walk in front of people without tripping.  Considering how difficult it obviously must be in those circumstances, maybe she could do that in the talent part of the competition.  “Here is Miss USA, walking across the stage without falling down.”