Category: Embellished Memoirs of My Life

I have a dinosaur in my backyard

It’s true! I saw a real-life living dinosaur, and it was starting to build a nest where I didn’t want one, so I confronted it and scared it away! I battled a dinosaur and lived to tell the tale! Afterward, it glared at me in seething anger, but I glared back, and it chose to retreat to the neighbor’s yard, so I let it go. I actually defeated a dinosaur! (Yeah, there’s a lot of things you don’t know about me!)

This isn’t my backyard. It would be neat if it was, but mine is somewhat less dramatic, with much smaller dinosaurs. Mine also has considerably less mountains.

So how can I say this and claim it’s true? Do you think this is some embellished memoir? Well, according to some scientist, it’s true. Check this quote out:

“Today’s birds evolved from dinosaurs, which makes them every bit as much of a dinosaur as T. rex or Triceratops.” ~ Steve Brusatte, paleontologist

I suppose someone could make that argument, but it still sounds silly. Granted, I’m no paleontologist nor an ornithologist, so I didn’t have any voice in debating what to call them. But still, I have a voice, and I’m writing in my corner of the internet on a blog that’s had over a million pageviews, so I have some reach, and I’ll share my opinion anyway. (Always glad to share my ignorance. I’ve got plenty.) Maybe it would be better to just say modern birds descended from dinosaurs. (I still don’t know that that’s true, but it sounds better.) It just sounds wrong to say that I have dinosaurs in my backyard… And it takes away from the mystique of dinosaurs.

But if you want to play along with that thinking, you can tell people you have a dinosaur in your backyard. Or that you’re stronger than a dinosaur. Or that you’ve killed a dinosaur. Or that you’ve eaten a dinosaur. It could be a fun conversation piece. Try it (with people who appreciate humor).

your own action figure

It’s been said by some people* that I should have my own action figure. Well, Hasbro now offers the option to buy an action figure of yourself! It can be in the design of various figures from G.I. Joe, Star Wars, Marvel, Power Rangers, or Ghostbusters. There is a lot of potential here. The cost is $59.99, so not an impulse-buy for most people, but reasonable for what it is (considering that some of the regular 6″ figures cost at least $20). This could also make a good Christmas gift.

Source: Hasbro Selfie Series.

* The irony with that phrase is that some people (like Donald Trump) use wording like that to suggest things they want to be said about them but may not be true. (Don’t worry — no political rant here; just watch for such slick-talking.) Of course, there totally should be an action figure of me! I don’t know if anyone has ever said that besides me, but it might have happened. Either way, it would be cool — that can’t be disputed. (Well, I suppose someone could, like if they don’t know me, but they shouldn’t.) Whether the idea of your own action figure sounds awesome to you, I don’t know, but I hope so. If not, perhaps you should act more like an action hero to be deserving of an action figure. 🙂 You don’t have to run around in your super pajamas (unless you want to) — just do things to make the world a better place, even if it’s just saving someone’s day from being depressing. Not everyone can save the world in epic-superhero-movie-like fashion, but small deeds can add up to a life full of awesomeness.

it’s time to save the world again

explosion - Licorne shot, French Polynesia, 1970, 1

cookieAccording to the Mayans, the world is about to end.  I reckon I better get busy saving it.  (Yeah, I procrastinated.  Besides, last-minute heroics are much more dramatic.)  If we’re all here on the 22nd, then I was successful.  In appreciation, I’ll accept homemade chocolate-chip cookies.  Other forms of gifts may be considered.  Now, I have a job to do…

Valentine’s Day, roses, and bacon

So yesterday was Valentine’s Day.  I was wondering why people had balloons and flowers in their cars and why my wife was mad when we ate leftovers for dinner.  It may seem like a big day now, but with the passage of time, it’s just one day among thousands.  She’ll get over it.

Okay, so that’s an embellishment.  No, scratch that — it’s an utter fabrication.  I did remember the “holiday” and got my wife a mushy card and some roses and chocolate — got nice stuff, without spending a lot of money.  Some people sure are trying to rip you off this time of year!  But that’s a rant for another post.  I started this post to talk about bacon.  Yes, bacon and Valentine’s Day can go together.  Actually, I think they should.

Supposedly red roses are all romantic, but they look good for only a few days, then they wither and die a horrible death.  But what if the roses were edible and made of bacon?  Would that not be the best “roses” ever???

To me, a guy, it seems like a great idea.  But knowing women, it might be a turrible idea.  I remember I once asked a girl (who I wasn’t dating) if she would prefer roses made of chocolate, and she was adamant that it would not be a good thing.  Apparently, “someone” decided that you had to give red roses or you’re cheap and not romantic.  Hence the huge price increase on roses in February.  It sounds like a big conspiracy to me.

Anyway, about bacon roses, what do you think?