I need a portable incinerator

During a recent discussion on this blog, I suggested that pickles be shot into the sun or at least tossed into a local incinerator.  That got me to wondering if there are any local incinerators open to the public.  Probably not.

So I challenge our Research & Development team to invent a pocket incinerator.  Imagine how handy that would be!  If you have trash while you’re out and about, you just fire up your pocket incinerator and toss the refuse in, and instantly your garbage is vaporized into nothingness.  Then there would be no excuse for littering — and it would be fun to watch things be vaporized.  (I suspect it would be so awesome that people would start grabbing whatever nonessential items are around them, which if at work would include pens, paperclips, staplers, TPS reports, and whatever stuff you think your co-workers really don’t need that much.)

Alternatively, the trash could be teleported to an parallel dimension, but I suspect you’d need a mighty powerful battery to handle that, probably something powered with nuclear power, which you might not want to carry around in your pocket…

2 thoughts on “I need a portable incinerator

  1. Important Doctor

    I believe a pocket incinerator could prove to be very useful. I too, have to question the wisdom of actually installing one in your pockets (battery pack issues aside). I can see it now! you are minding your business, doing your part to save the environment with your newly installed ‘pocket incinerator-n-ator 2000’ when you start to become a bit chilled. in order to warm yourself you instinctively stuff your hands deeply into your pants pockets, where they are instantaneously and mercilessly vaporized in a searing heat.

  2. Melissa

    i’ve been fiddling with a design using titanium casing and a super secret lining to seperate the actual incinerator from your hand. The device works much like a lighter, except with an internal flame that is triggered by the shutting of the cap. So there are no worries about accidentally burning yourself. The ash would need to be emptied out once in awhile, depending on the size and amount of the disposed. How perfect for someone who would like to erradicate evidence in a hurry? It’s nearly flawless, a few more touch ups and i can patent it.

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