Viewer mail!  Viewer mail!
It’s time for viewer mail!

Holla!

Okay, all seriousness aside, let’s dig into this episode of viewer mail.  Once again, we will look at actual search terms used by people like you to find this site.  Sometimes we already have all the info you need (or want), but sometimes we can add to our extensive breadth of posts to better meet your search needs.  So have a seat, grab a nice refreshing beverage, and stay a spell.  And don’t forget to laugh.  (That is why we’re here…)

• nutrition hostess ding dong — The “Important Doctor” that visits this site says such things are healthy, but the FDA disagrees in a big way.  We could discuss the calories and fat grams and such, but let’s cut past the nutritional facts to get to the real deal — you know you want to eat one!  They sure are good, so go for it!  Life is short, so eat, drink, and be merry.  Now, I realize obesity is a big problem for many people (heh heh), so if this applies to you, go outside and walk around the house a few times.  That way you’re burning those calories off.  (And the bigger you are, the more calories you burn by walking around the house because it’s more strenuous.)
• man eating hamster — Oh, no!  Not a man-eating hamster!  RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!  WE’RE ALL DOOMED!  Oh, wait…  I don’t feel like running right now, so let’s look at an alternative interpretation of that — a man that eats hamsters.  Uhh, I don’t recommend this.  They’re too much like rodents.  They might be edible, especially if covered with some hickory-smoke BBQ sauce and then slow-roasted, but there’s plenty of other stuff to eat that is known to be good.  Order pizza, buy some Hostess Ding Dongs, melt down a block of Velveeta cheese and add a can of Rotel, buy a bag of Cheetos, etc.  There’s an extreme amount of good options here, too many to list.
• splat! burford — Hmm…  This one may take some intense interpolation.  Hold on a sec…  *closes eyes and constipates real hard*  Okay, I know exactly what you were looking for : some combination of a character named Burford and action.  Am I right?  Of course.  Well, you are very much in luck today, my friend, because we have just finished an original story that fits well within your parameters.  It’s entitled Burford’s weekend, and it involves him going on an unknown quest which may impact the whole world.  If you like the format and method, then stay tuned, because more original stories will be starting in the near future (and you are welcome to participate).
• how to pay for the nintendo wii — We have covered this with an original idea by one of our staff members.  I suspect the original searcher found it, since the post title is almost exactly what you searched for, but for anyone else who finds this post, here’s our solution : how to pay for a Nintendo Wii.  BTW, a couple of us here plan to acquire this console, and we both wish they had stayed with the name “Revolution”.  But it’ll be fun to play regardless…
• why are pickles so good — I’ll phrase my answer in the form of a question : Why are you so deceived?  Pickles are not good — they’re evil!  Let me explain…  If you think that pickles taste good, clearly you have been misled.  I know, someone is thinking that’s impossible, because they taste good to you.  Well, stay with me, for I will make it all clear to your understanding.  It’s like smoking cigarettes or drinking beer — the first time you try these things (from what I hear), it’s horrible.  They taste so bad.  But because of external factors like peer pressure, people will give them another chance, then another, until eventually they grow accustomed to them and think they like them.  People can even become dependent on these things.  This concept can happen with pickles.  Also, some parents will give their kids pickles to eat, and the kids don’t know any better.  (Parents, you should be ashamed!)  We have discussed pickles at length here, even debating the issue with a pickle representative (and giving him a what-for).  You can read it here : pickles are evil.

Well, that’s all we have time for today.  I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it.  (I really love helping people!)  If you know of someone who would like to laugh more (or needs to), send them the link to this site.  Then we can help even more people, and you’ll get the assist.