Tag: weird

caption contest, man with pants down in public

New posts were in short supply last week with the extended holiday — there were a lot of Thanksgiving dinners to attend — but now things are back to normal.  So let’s kick this week off with a caption contest, as is our custom.

This week’s photo is quite unusual.  I really have no idea what’s going on here, except that a guy is standing in the middle of the road with his pants down and his shirt off.   There are a lot of other people around, but at a distance.  Since I have no context whatsoever for this picture, we’ll just have to make it up.  That’s where you come in.  Explain what could be going on here, whether realistically or not.  Just make it funny, and keep it clean.

(To see the other caption contests, click on the “Say What?” category in the sidebar.)

butt implants

One of the writers here recently mentioned the growing industry of butt facials, and then the article he referenced said men haven’t taken to it so far.  That is completely understandable.  But I recently read something similar to this which disturbs me.  (Read on if you dare.)

In an article in TIME Magazine about not looking old on the job, they list some of the cosmetic surgeries common among men and women of the baby boomers generation.  I can understand wanting to look younger, especially in tech fields typically dominated by people in their 20s and 30s.  But wait ’til you read some of these.  For men, the article lists things like tooth-tightening, neck tucks, and knee-tightening.  That’s weird enough, but it gets even more crazy.  The last item mentioned is a “butt lift and implant” — for men.

I’d never heard of such craziness, and I kinda wish I had never known.  (If you feel the same way, well, too bad, because now you know.)  The article explains why a man would want this: “Slacks can’t hide a saggy, deflated tush.”  Whether true or not, I have to ask “WHO CARES?”  Do men get less promotions or job offers because of their butts?  I don’t think so.  (And if there are instances where that is true, I wouldn’t want to work there anyway!)

The article explains the procedure: “Buttock lifts (up 660% in men from 2000 to 2006) involve surgically lifting baggy behinds; implants, a newer option, mean inserting silicone sacks.”  I just have trouble believing any man would want butt implants…  I don’t know…  And guess what it costs… $4,500!

What is this world coming to?

Is it illegal to pass gas?

Is it illegal to pass gas?  Usually not, as far as I know, but a man named Jose Cruz found out otherwise.  This week, in South Charleston, West Virginia, Cruz was arrested for driving under the influence (DUI).  When police were trying to get his fingerprints back at the station, he passed gas on an officer.  Here’s what was filed in the official police report:

During processing Ptlm. Cook was taking the defendant’s fingerprints while Ptlm. Parsons was typing data into the Intoximeters 5000 machine.  Ptlm. Parsons was in a chair approx. 4-5 feet away from the fingerprinting station.   The defendant scooted the 4 feet to Ptlm. Parsons, away from officer Cook, and lifted his leg and passed gas loudly on Ptlm. Parsons.   Then defendant then fanned the air with his hand in front of his rear onto Ptlm. Parsons.   The gas was very odorous and created contact of an insulting or provoking nature with Ptlm. Parsons.

Ironically, he next had to take the breath test, and he couldn’t give a sufficient sample because he was having trouble breathing.  🙂

For doing all that, they charged him with “battery on an officer” and “obstructing an officer”.  I realize no one wants to be farted on, but is it really a criminal offense?   Did the officer think it was chemical warfare?   (Maybe it’s psychological warfare.)  Two days later, police dropped the charges relating to his flatulence.

Although, now that I think about it, the police were just trying to maintain law and odor.  🙂

genuine woolly mammoth hair for sale

You can buy some genuine woolly mammoth hair on eBay for $7.95 plus $2.00 First Class shipping.  It even comes with a certificate of authenticity.

The seller actually has good reviews and has been an eBay member since ’99.  This just doesn’t add up…

I was discussing this with the Buffet o’ Blog staff, and we figured out one possible use for it:

What, are you going to try and clone a woolly mammoth from the hair?  ‘Cause if you do, I’d like one.  I’d get a saddle for it, ride it into work.  How’s that for a hybrid?

Hybrid driver: My car gets 80 mpg.
Mammoth rider: My mammoth just (crapped on/stepped on/picked up and threw) your car.

I’d like to have my own woolly mammoth, although I’m not sure I could afford to feed him.  And keeping him in line might be difficult.  I’d hire the Dog Whisperer and tell him this is an old breed.  It would surely help the ratings for his show if he could make a woolly mammoth submit!