Tag: relationships

how to increase your long-term happiness

I recently talked about short-term solutions to be more happy and enjoy life more, and those are helpful, but there are also long-term solutions that have a more lasting effect. I realize this is a more serious topic than I normally cover on this blog — I have another blog for seriousness — but it goes with a recent post, and I do like to write here about making your life more awesome, so it somewhat fits.

People smiling while eating pizza together
Stock photo. I don’t know these people. But I do know that eating pizza with friends is a great time. How long has it been since you’ve done that?

I’ve been studying happiness for an upcoming blog series, and one thing I’ve discovered is that having purpose is a key component of being consistently happy. That, and relationships, and your mindset.

Relationships may seem obvious, because having family and friends who love you and care about you just makes life better. The right mindset is a deep topic — too deep for this post — but just consider that your expectations matter a lot, along with the stories you tell yourself to explain and summarize everything. (And along those lines, DON’T COMPLAIN! Someone who always complains can even take the fun out of a snack of cookies and milk. Don’t be that person.) So without going too deep into all that, let’s talk for a minute about finding your purpose.

We all have a purpose in this life, which God has given us. Every one of us is unique, so we all bring something special to the table. We are all potentially awesome, in a unique way. (Of course, not everyone has discovered their awesomeness — some live the opposite, and some try to be generic so they blend in — but we all have that potential, which we have to find and develop.)

What is our purpose? To sum it up, it’s to love God and love people. How we do that depends on our uniqueness and what makes you you. You are able to connect with the people around you in a way that is different from anyone else. We each have a role to play. The Bible explains it with the illustration of one body with many parts that are all important and all work together.

Helping people is a lot more than just the big, obvious things. You can encourage someone while having lunch with them and having funny and/or epic conversations. Going for a walk together, talking and listening, is important and can make a difference. Even just a text can encourage someone (although in-person is better when possible). One of the main things needed these days is to just be present (i.e., don’t look at your phone) — simply pay attention to the people around you. Think about the topics that interest you and find people who also share that interest, and spend time with people. You can even help people while playing video games together. (I realize that’s controversial to some, and context matters, of course, but it does happen. I participate in this myself, so I know.)

So don’t think you have to be in an official church ministry capacity to help the people around you. Everyone needs hope and encouragement and someone to listen to them. And we can all do that. And there are unlimited ways we can accomplish this.

A great benefit of finding your purpose in helping others is that it increases your own happiness. So it’s a win-win situation.

Who is Valentine’s Day for?

Valentine's Day card - vintage, 04It’s Valentine’s Day again, and you know what that means.  This is one of those holidays with certain expectations, and it can cause great distress and disappointment in the relationship if those expectations aren’t met.  Let’s take a lighter look at that…

If you’re a man with a wife or girlfriend, you’re typically expected to buy her a nice (sappy) card, give her chocolates and roses (which are inconveniently greatly inflated in price during February), and take her on a romantic date.  These aren’t all bad things.  I’m not anti-Valentine’s Day or anything like that.  It’s good to show appreciation to your significant other, and we tend to take our loved ones for granted.  I don’t particularly like the idea of it being “forced” on a certain day, but it’s a good reminder.

So the woman in the relationship gets showered with nice stuff, like she deserves, because we cherish her.  What are the expectations going the other way?  Well, guys typically get a card, which may not mean as much as it would to a woman.  Now before you accuse me of being selfish, it’s not about that.  I don’t care about getting more gifts.  I just wonder who created these expectations and how many people are aware of how it is.  Why are they this way?  That topic is beyond the scope of this discussion, but it’s a good thinking exercise if you’re interested.

Maybe we should start some new traditions, for the guys.  What kind of affordable stuff would guys want to receive every year and which would also make them feel loved and appreciated?  (That “affordable” modifier limits the ideas, so no monster trucks or flamethrowers or tanks.  But we need to be practical, I suppose.)  For starters, how about cheese dip?  Either homemade or Stoby’s cheese dip would suffice (plus no comments about how it’s not healthy or that a tub of cheese dip is not a meal by itself).  Bacon should probably be included in this.  Maybe chicken-fried bacon for dipping in the cheese dip?  Just imagining that probably makes you gain weight…

I figure most guys would like a time of playing video games, since that time typically gets dramatically reduced when in a relationship (and more when married and even more when you have children).  This may not seem practical, since the day is about quality time in the relationship, and that’s fair.  It could be applied the next day.  Or the woman could join him in the games, if they can find something they both enjoy.  That would probably count as quality time, to him anyway.

These ideas might not fly, but that’s okay.  I can dream, right?  🙂  If you have any ideas, I’m open to suggestions.  (Your comments can be anonymous if you’re scared of getting in trouble for speaking out on this.)

How often should you clean your house?

Here at Buffet o’ Blog, we endorse marriage.  But through “research”, we’ve discovered that there are sometimes unrealistic expectations placed on various aspects of the marriage relationship.   (With that intro, you could probably fill a blog for years with content.)

One thing I want to address here today is the appearance of the interior of your house.   Both sides would agree that it should be kept fairly clean, even if no one wants to do the chores.  Things like dusting, vacuuming, and straightening up / removing clutter have to be done from time to time.  However, the needed frequency of such things is likely to be disputed.  So to help aid in that debate, I will present this bit of information to help clarify things:

It’s okay if your house looks like someone actually lives there.

Just that phrase, when applied properly, can help a lot.  It’s simply unreasonable to have your house always look like it’s a show home for a magazine.

But the application doesn’t stop there.  When you visit someone’s house, this concept also applies.  So if you go to someone’s house, and they have mail on the coffee table or dining table, and/or there’s kids toys in the floor, don’t judge them — it just means people live there, and that kind of thing is part of living.   Just because someone’s house doesn’t look like a magazine photo, it doesn’t mean they’re a slob or they don’t care.  Life’s too short to spend most of the time cleaning unnecessarily.

So there’s your free relationship advice.  It didn’t even cost you a trip to the Important Psychiatrist or a marriage counselor.  It’s free (and hopefully it’s worth more than what you paid).  But let’s be clear that you are liable for the response you get when presenting this info to your spouse.  🙂

Missing your ex? Call Death Bear

Sometimes romantic relationships fail.  It’s part of life.  (Actually, if it’s not the right person for you, it’s good that it fails, even if it doesn’t feel like it for a while.)

When we’re getting over a failed relationship, we may see reminders of them that make us sad.  Now there’s a service to help you with that.  Just call “Death Bear“, and he will come remove the articles of affection that keep reminding you that your ex is gone.  He’s 7 feet tall and solid black.  He will show up at your house or apartment for your convenience, and it’s completely free.  (At this time he only covers the Brooklyn area, though.)

Death Bear looks somewhat like Darth Vader… or perhaps his teddy bear.  (Follow the link for pictures.)

I think it’s an awesome idea…  It’s funny, it’s random, and it can actually help people.