Tag: poop

a chocolate countdown

Did you survive the shopping madness that is Black Friday? I did, so you get more ramblings. Speaking of that, since large TVs are rather affordable now, I was hoping for some great deals on groceries instead, but didn’t find anything really discounted. (I suppose that means I’m officially an adult now, if I’m thinking more about grocery prices than getting a bigger TV on Black Friday.)

Now we’re into the busiest time of the year, but I’ll still make time to share some funny pictures related to Christmas.

I see these every year for Advent / Christmas, but a chocolate-a-day countdown seems like it would be good for a number of other events. What do you think?

Is this a fail? Or genius? Or some points for making a good attempt? Some might say it’s tacky, but is it still better than no car decoration?
This was also listed as a Christmas decorating fail. Granted, monkey flinging poop isn’t exactly holiday-themed, but it is funny.
Again, this was listed as a fail. It’s not Christmas, but it’s neat. If there was a “Star Trek Saves Christmas” episode, it probably did fail by being really cheesy. Seems like a lot of older shows had episodes like that.
It’s log!!!

For the log reference:

Bonus reference: When Phineas and Ferb became toy designers, they created Perry The Inaction Figure, which doesn’t do much. That’s the genius of it, because it can be anything to a kid with an imagination. (Think of how a box of random Lego blocks can be anything, but now so many Legos are kits. You can still build other things with a kit, but people are more likely to build what is on the box. Likewise with other toys — a generic action figure can be anything. But I digress…) After their day of being toy designers, they moved on. The Har D Har Toy Company tried to design another product with a similar ethos, coming up with Brick, which reminded me of Log.

stinky wordplay

This is not quite how it happened, but an unreasonable facsimile thereof.

One day I was driving my kids around town (as I am apt to do), and a traffic scenario required deft reflexes. The kids enjoy being slung around in their car seats, so they laughed. When they asked what happened, I told them it was an “evasive maneuver”. They weren’t familiar with that term and were being silly, so they interpreted that as “invasive manure” and started saying that. It was funny. That’s one of those word combinations that I’ve never heard before. It might’ve been said at some point in history by someone*, but I’m not aware (and I’m not putting that in my Google search because I don’t want news articles about manure, nor do I want to know anything about such things — some rabbit holes aren’t worth going down, particularly ones filled with invasive manure). 🙂

* It’s amusing (to me, at least) when I hear a phrase that has possibly never been said before. Such events are rare, but with kids they do happen sometimes if you’re paying attention.

Does poop contain gold?

The other day I was in a conversation that got random really fast. Someone started sharing some scientific trivia, and they said you could burn a bucket of cow manure and get some rare elements like gold. I was immediately skeptical and made that known. They went to get their book of random scientific stuff (not the actual title) and found the reference. It turns out that someone had taken cow urine and boiled it to produce something useful. At this point I’m still skeptical, but figure since it’s actually published in a book and not just some obscure blog, it’s worth a minute of research. The results were surprising (and not all related to the original article)…

Apparently some doctor in India believes that cow urine has healing powers and can supposedly cure 70 to 80 incurable diseases like diabetes. It’s also sold as “highly effective products for preventive medicine” in some countries. (So if you don’t get sick, it worked, and you should buy more!) However — and this is important — there is thus far no scientific proof about it healing anything. Some studies have shown that it can lead to significant side effects, including death. So I wouldn’t recommend it. But it is good to use as fertilizer to grow actually edible food…

During my research, I saw where one guy said, “I drink cow urine every day. That is why I do not have Covid right now.” That is faulty reasoning, and it could easily be countered by someone saying they do NOT drink cow urine at all, and thus they don’t have Covid. But then again, how many people who drink cow urine every day catch Covid? The number has to be really small, right? (Surely there are very few people who could even be in that group.)

Some doctor made a “wonder drug” of cow’s milk, cow’s urine, cow excrement (soaked in water), and butter, and they claimed it will cure “99 percent of diseases”. I’m no professional doctor, but I’m fairly certain that’s a load of crap (both literally and figuratively).

Back on point, there has been someone who claimed to have found gold in cow urine and dung. Perhaps if you want to investigate the microscopic level you could find some — I have heard that ocean water has gold in it, but it’s such tiny amounts that it’s not worth doing anything with.

Thanks to the internet’s amazing ability to lead you down rabbit trails you didn’t even know existed, I just learned that human poop does contain trace amounts of gold, silver, platinum, copper, and rare elements like palladium and vanadium that are used in cell phones and computers. So is your poop worth its weight in gold? Not quite. These particles are about 100 times smaller than the width of a human hair, and of course there are other non-valuable particles in there to sort through. (That job would stink!) It’s estimated that an American city with a population of 1 million sends down the drain about $13 million worth of precious metals each year. So maybe it’s worth finding some automated way to filter it. Actually, I bet this becomes a legitimate business someday, when someone figures out how to efficiently extract the valuable elements from all the worthless elements.

People have tried to figure out alchemy for years (converting a metal into gold), but perhaps this is the closest we’ll get.

diet colas with artificial poop

The other day I wrote about a spa using bird poop in facials, and at the end of the discussion I joked about what would be the next use of poop.  At the time, I was unaware of a breaking news story about diet colas that is somewhat related.  (Are you getting scared yet?)

diet cola - now with more artificial poopRecently the patent details for the artificial sweetener aspartame became available online, and well, it’s made with a certain byproduct.  (Are you sure you want to keep reading?  It might get even worse.)  Obviously it’s an artificial sweetener, which has certain connotations, but there’s more than you’d expect.  Some versions of aspartame are made by harvesting the protein waste (i.e., poop) of genetically modified E. coli bacteria, then adding methanol to it.  (On a side note, how someone invented this process is beyond my imagination, so I looked it up.  In 1965 a chemist was trying to create an anti-ulcer drug, and while generating a hormone for it, he licked his finger and accidentally discovered the sweet taste of aspartame.  Go figure…)

Aspartame is one of the most common artificial sweeteners, and it’s sold under the brand names NutraSweet® and Equal®.  It’s used because it’s about 200 times sweeter than table sugar, so less can be used, which lowers the calories in the food or beverage.  It is used in thousands of different food products.  The FDA maintains that it is completely safe.

It may be safe, but this is one of the those things that I kinda wish I didn’t know…