the 6 million dollar bathroom

The Seibu Lions, a baseball team in Japan, is about to get a lot of money, like $51.1 million, so they’re going to upgrade a lot of things.  They’re going to spend more on player salaries, of course, and replace their dome’s artificial surface and install some field seats.  But the most peculiar upgrade to me is that they’ve allocated $6.02 million for “upgrading restrooms”.  I imagine a stadium has a few restrooms, but that’s still a LOT of money!

I’m wondering what kind of bathroom upgrades you could do for that kind of money… Let’s see…

  • The men’s urinals should be replaced with a big waterfall.  You could even put a few plants in there to give guys something to aim at.  (I’ve seen a picture of one kinda like that, although I can envision it being even more elaborate.)
  • There needs to be some kind of venting system that really works.  With all the technology we have today, we shouldn’t have to tolerate any more of those “I can’t breathe!” scenarios.
  • The toilets should be replaced with La-Z-Bowl recliners, where you can get comfortable for those extended sessions.
  • Each stall should have a rack with good magazines.
  • Why stop at magazines?  With a $6 million budget, each stall should have a flat-panel TV with cable.  🙂  Might as well have a DVD of manly stuff, like live sports games, sports bloopers, stuff being blown up, and the 3 Stooges.
  • Countertops should be granite or quartz.
  • I’ve seen on TV a toilet made of gold, although I really don’t think that’s necessary.
  • Here’s something that should definitely be included, in abundance : soft toilet paper!  Most public restrooms go the cheap way, using that single-ply TP that feels like sandpaper.  With that kind of money they could even give you disposable cloths…

What other things could they do with that kind of spending money?

the Heart Attack Grill

There’s a restaurant in Tempe, Arizona, called the Heart Attack Grill.  It’s the home of the “Double Bypass Burger”.  Their slogan is “Taste Worth Dying For!”  (I do want to warn you that there are suggestive pictures of waitresses on the site.)  The chefs wear surgical scrubs, and the waitresses wear nurses outfits.

On the menu is a “Quadruple Bypass Burger”, which has 2 pounds of beef, along with lots of bacon, cheese, lettuce, tomato, onion, and even a layer of fried egg.  (You can see a picture here.)  It has 8,000 calories!  It comes with “Flatliner Fries”, which are cooked in pure lard, then they melt mozzarella over the top and dump beef gravy on them.  There’s also an all-you-can-eat option on the fries.  They even offer wheelchair service, if you are unable to walk away from the table after eating your meal.  The food is all prepared fresh, with nothing frozen and no heat lamps used.

An interesting tidbit about it — the man who thought up the idea and runs it used to own fitness centers.  Go figure…  He does tell regular customers that he doesn’t want to see them in the restaurant more than once a week, but some people don’t listen to him.  A few people even go there every day.

I read a review of this place, and the introduction was interesting :

In a world where political correctness runs rampant, a small mecca exists in Tempe where PC ideals are put aside.

Waitresses dress as nurses, the price on the menu is what you pay, and the food can kill you. Welcome to Heart Attack Grill. Leave all your pretentiousness and your health-conscious mind behind.

Notice that it said, “The food can kill you.”  That’s what I’m talking about!

The record for eating a Quadruple Bypass Burger is 5 minutes 39 seconds.  I’d like to challenge that…  🙂  They also hold a special event called the Valentine’s Day Massacre, where everyone gets free food all day.  I’m all about that!  We need one of these around here!

a giant straw Christmas goat

Here’s a unique Christmas tradition.  Every year in Gavle, Sweden, the city puts up a 43-foot-high goat made of straw, and almost every year it is burned down by vandals.  The straw goat is a centuries-old tradition, and the giant version has been put up annually since 1966.  Only 10 have survived beyond Christmas Day.  Most were burned, although several were beaten down and the 1976 goat was hit by a car.  The vandals are rarely caught, but in 2001 an American was caught and had to spend 18 days in jail.

There’s a webcam setup this year, so you can keep an eye on the giant straw goat.  (If anyone sees it on fire, please post a comment here immediately so we can all check it out.)

This year, authorities have doused the straw goat with flame-resistant chemicals and are sure it cannot be burned.  A spokeswoman for the committee in charge of building the goat said, “It is impossible to burn it to the ground this year.”  The company that provided the fireproof treatment said, “Not even napalm can set fire to the goat now.”

To me, the label “non-flammable” constitutes a challenge…  🙂  I imagine some others feel the same way.  The authorities are just tempting someone to try.

But I won’t be burning it down.  It’s way too far away.  But I do have an alternate plan.  Since I heard of this last year, I’ve thought about how cool it would be to build one here in central Arkansas.  I have a friend who has a couple of unused acres, and it’s just outside of city limits.  It could get really popular, drawing in tourists from around the country.  He could sell nachos and hot dogs and miniature straw goats, and setup bonfires (not too close) for all the guests.  So he’d make money, we’d get kinda famous, and it would be a good time for all.  I don’t see any problems with doing this.  Is anyone with me?

the best Christmas ever!

This is gonna be the best Christmas ever!  I’m determined to make it so!  But, if this year is the best Christmas ever, then the next year’s won’t be as good.  And I don’t want that!  I expect to make the same resolution next year, to have the best Christmas ever, but then next year’s will be the best and not this one.  And if I already know how to make next year’s Christmas even better, then why don’t I do it this year?  But then next year’s won’t be as good as this year’s…  It seems that I’ve now thought myself into a conundrum.  Hmm…  What to do?